Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

DH and I don’t have children yet. He makes a good salary working full time, and it’s possible for us to live from his salary but I work full time and contribute too.

I would really like to work part time as I want more time to properly clean the house, and spend time making healthy meals for us from scratch. On the weekends I don’t feel like I have enough time to properly rest too. I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted from my work, on top of a few hours commute everyday. My DH is pretty energetic so doesn’t have this issue.

I’ve spoken about this to DH and he’s told me that he wants to send me abroad to a country where people work 11 hours a day 6 days a week to see what tired really looks like(then later claims he was joking). So I don’t have much understanding from him!

Am I being unreasonable to want to work part time?

What age are you?

Its not UR as such however you have no children and you want to cut your career back so you can do more cleaning and cooking? Meanwhile his career will flourish? Totally bonkers and doing nothing to protect yourself.
If you feel tired go the GP, if you don't like the commute then look for another job but please don't give up your job now before you have children, now is the time to establish yourself in the workplace rather than taking a step back. Don't let life pass you by. Work kept me sane when I had my children and taking a pay cut left me worse off.
Your DH sounds like a knob so I would aim for better there too.

Don’t be daft - it’s not unreasonable to expect your partner to work FT as youngish adults w no kids. Why not? They are building their financial future.

If he’s not pulling his weight domestically that’s a separate issue.

why?

You're either in a family in which both partners work to build the best setting to support everyone in it - accounting for personal skills, health and capacity, energy and personality.

Or you are in a family in which both partners are expected to contribute in the same manner, regardless of personal skills, health and capacity, energy and personality.

Personally, I see the latter as fucking miserable and lacks the space to adapt or bend in any way, but it seems to be that standard format on MN. Keep up or ship out, op.

So you don’t want to work at all full time, and want your husband to support you financially? And, shock horror, he doesn’t want that pressure.. I am staggered by your entitlement tbh…

Would part time earnings still give a fair contribution to all the bills/social life/personal expenses/savings/etc? Or are you wanting your DH to foot those things?

This.

It’s not normal to be this tired from normal life, get your bloods checked, iron etc. Are you working out? Eating a wide range of fruit and veg? May you be depressed?

Generally the more you do, the more energy you have. I felt a little like that and a lifestyle change sorted it.

If you just want to be a housewife, be honest about it to yourself and your partner.

However, why would you want to be an unpaid cleaner and maid with no pension contributions, your own proper income and assets etc, in 2024? Do you benefit from it in any way? I’m just really not sure why cleaning is still a woman’s aspiration in this day and age. If one wants a show home and that’s important to them, surely a hired professional can do it to a higher standard? Cooking as a hobby/ interest I totally get, but who actually wants to do more hoovering, ironing, window cleaning, toilet scrubbing etc? Who are these people that dream of that as little girls growing up? 🤨

If you don't feel like your weekends are restful and you can't keep up with the housework or cooking now, I suggest you don't have children. You don't sound resilient enough for motherhood

How long is your commute? I'm guessing around 1.5 hrs each way. Having done that sort of commute in my youth, it's knackering especially in the winter months when you barely see daylight.
I don't think you said what your job is. Can you go flexi so you're doing 5 days hours over 4 days? Is it possible to work during your commute? Or work from home one or two days? All this could make a big difference to your energy levels.
Don't go part-time. Get a cleaner to come twice a week for a couple of hours each time. Or even just once a week.
Don't cook everything from scratch. Be choosy about what you spend your time cooking, and when you do cook, do a batch and freeze portions.
And make sure your DH is doing half of the household chores and cooking!

Keep the full time job and pay for a cleaner.

Don't ever lose your ability to be independent with a good job and a good pension.
So reducing your hours to have a clean house are madness at your stage in life.
He needs to do his share.
Pay for a cleaner between you.
Don't drop hours at work for this reason, and don't drop them when the babies come along

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. If you’re unable to align now then as someone else pointed out, think carefully about whether this is the person you want to start a family with.

When you have kids, does he still want you to work even if financially there’s no need?

But7 you would still reduce the family pot - whether that's spent or kept as savings. Would you think it ok for him to go part time?

Seeing the doctor sounds more productive.

You for real? 😂

im sorry but why the heck should any many just subsidise you just because he can! My child’s dad/ on and off partner what ever could support me too but I still choose to work because it gives me the independence the socialisation ans the money of my own! You’re not even a mother and want to work less! If you were a mother I’d understand. I swear mums net has been full of idiots over Christmas post after post of nonsense rage bait

I think you're unreasonable to expect him to support you financially because you're tired. Everybody's tired.

Get a closer job. Have him contribute more to household labour if he's doing little or nothing Get a physical to see why you're so tired. Hire a cleaner.

But decreasing joint income because tired? Wtf. Both parties need to agree to this and it sounds like he doesn't agree.

There’s a HUGE difference between what OP wants now and what would be needed with kids involved.

If I’d said to my husband a few years ago I wanted to go part time to cook meals he’d have laughed, however now we have a baby I’m going back to work part time after maternity leave and he not only supports that but encouraged that. Totally different situations.

I would drop to 4 days to start - makes a big difference. And so long as he is not subsidising you, you don't need his permission.

How controlling and awful for him to say such things. It's your choice how much you work, for whom and in what job.
Do not have kids with this man.
I wouldn't go part time in order to have more time to 'clean the house' though. There are better things to occupy your time with. How untidy can a house containing two working adults actually be? Plus it's not your job to be a skivvy.
I wouldn't be happy with a man like that.

It's not her choice when it will inevitably end up financially falling on him.

I would rather spend time cleaning my own house, cooking healthy meals from scratch, raising my kids and supporting my husband then I would working for someone else to pay a cleaner, buy processed food and have a nursery raise my babies - as long as it’s financially viable.

I would expect my husband to pay my pension contributions as he would his and any assets to be shared. I would see us as contributing equally and I would only marry a man who saw things this way too.

I think women being capable of running themselves into the ground at the expense of their own physical and mental health for everyone else's benefit, until they crack isn't really a positive thing.

Except it’s not just OP’s choice when HE will then have to support her. You can’t force that on someone.

He thinks he's your boss.
He thinks he's in charge of you and how you live your life.
Do not have kids with this twat.

I haven't ticked either box because, whilst I understand why you want to work part-time, I can also see his point of view.

You could pay for a cleaner. I had one years ago when I worked part-time. However cleaning the house is not solely your job.

Healthy meals can be planned, they are not all complicated or time consuming to prepare - and there are two of you.

Good luck.