AIBU to only do a token gift for my 12 yo but more for siblings?

[Lovelysummerdays]

DS wanted and is booked to do an expensive ski holiday with school costing over £1k plus buying skiwear. It’s not a case of everyone doing it as eldest has missed out due to covid. Also not run every year for youngest. Deal was it’d be birthday and Christmas for two years. Trip is in January 2026. It’s over what I’d normally spend tbh.

Is it unreasonable to stick to that? He does have a bit of sad face as I was trying to, gently, manage expectations. I do have to cough up another £200 quid in January.

I do think it’s a life lesson, but at the same time I feel a bit mean.

Probably too late now, but would have got something like the ski jacket to wrap up.

Stick to your guns. But perhaps encourage him to go out washing cars or offering gardening in the spring/summer to bring in some of the money so he can have presents next Christmas?

I would’ve got him something else.

How old are they? No birthday or Christmas presents for two years is a lot. I understand that the trip isn’t cheap (although it’s very reasonable for a school ski trip) but I’d rather have said no to the trip if it meant no gifts for that long.

Did he know that this was going to be his gift(s) from the start?
I'm always realistic with expectations regarding my DS, and always have been in an age appropriate way, so don't have a problem with this being his present, but you definitely should have been clear from day 1 (hopefully you were).

That sounds fair but it is difficult for 12yo to not feel left out.
Small gifts are the way to go so he has something to look forward to - books, chocolates, vouchers altogether can easily come under £20 and would be loved my teens.

I'd still get him a few things to open if you have enough money. No 'big' present but I wouldn't leave him out, there must be things he needs, a book, favourite packet of chocolates, a cheaper / 2nd hand game for a console he already has. And next year I'd be gifting holiday related gifts so any ski wear he needs, gloves etc

This.

I think 2 years with no presents is a very long time for a 12 year old and he probably didn't realise what he'd agreed to (IYSWIM! Obviously he heard "no presents" but the reality of it is somewhat different)

How old are they? I don't think I could do that.

Perfectly fine I think. He is old enough to understand. My parents used to do this for me and my brother I'm November bd and he is New Years day.

Not unreasonable.

Unless you then give it to the younger ones when they're old enough, without it being a present.

That used to happen to me. I begged to do it, agreed it would be a present (or 4!) and then dbro would be just given it. If I said anything I 'd be told he should do it because I had.

Yes, a gift related to the trip would have gently reminded him why there wasn't a pile of gifts. He's very lucky to be going on the trip.

Just saw that it was no gifts for birthdays and Christmas for 2 years - that is quite a long time. Perhaps one Christmas and extra regular around the house?

Don't mind me being thick, just found the age.

No. My 12 year old would cry, so I would have said no to the holiday if I couldn't do both.

The age is literally in the thread title 😐 (multiple people have asked)

He's getting an amazing gift though!

Oh my goodness, poor child I think it is very jesn sorry - surely a few bits tyrant cost the earth but shoes live and thought

I agree, and if they were an only child then I'd feel better, but to have them watch their siblings open their gifts and them have just a token would be awful.

I'm not saying OP is wrong, not at all, just that my neuroses forbid me from doing the same.

Sorry it's a bit mean
Few bits doesn't cost much
Felt so sad for him!!

No, if you can´t afford the trip, he doesn´t go on it. No birthdays,no Xmas, no, that wouldn´t happen here.

Yeah, I went back to look for it and missed it the first twice!

#moron

I think two years is too long. Yes they have to understand what things cost but he’s only going on the ski trip once and missing out on four occasions for it and at 12 that’s a lot to take on. If money is an issue then obviously don’t bankrupt yourself but I would try and get him a few bits at low cost so he still has things to open. My oldest ds did a school ski trip but luckily could borrow most of the equipment from dh and we didn’t link it to a birthday or Christmas as imagined the younger son would also have holidays, trips etc at some point and it would even out.

My only defence is that it’s Christmas Eve! Half my brain is running through lists and working out cooking times.

Probably not a wise thing to do given he is 12 and not going for over a year...prime growth spurt age.