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Original poster

Silent treatment for Christmas… again

236 replies

StyleSiren · 24/12/2024 01:39

I wasn't enthusiastic about the film DH wanted to watch yesterday evening so he hasn't spoken to me for over 24 hours. Tonight he went into the kitchen and made his own dinner and ate it in the kitchen, then went up to his study. Childishly I retaliated by switching off all the Christmas lights but I am now sitting here crying and steeling myself for another Christmas day in Coventry! I refuse to apologize and I know eventually (after a few days, weeks, months) he will just start behaving as if nothing happened. WWYD in this situation? I don't have family I can go to for Christmas and I don't think any of my friends would appreciate a last minute visitor. I am tempted not to bother putting any of his gifts under the Christmas tree and to go out instead for a long walk and pub lunch (if I can get in anywhere).

OP posts:
therewasafishinthepercolator · 24/12/2024 01:43

I'm so so sorry. You don't deserve this. He is horrible. Please don't put up with it anymore. His behaviour is not ok. I hope more useful people come along soon to help you. I feel for you.

I reckon if you make the moves to ditch this fucker you'll have a much better christmas next year.

Nocheezesforusmeesez · 24/12/2024 01:45

Go and call him out! I lived with a stonewaller for 10 years and never again will someone deliberately ignore me.
'Oi, what is your problem?' would put pay to his childish games and if not, chuck his bags at him and LTB.

You are worth more than this!

Huonneyywisshful · 24/12/2024 01:46

What would I do? I’d be out of that “relationship” right away @StyleSiren . This is abuse and you deserve better. Take yourself off and book into a hotel and plan how to get your ducks in a row. What a bastard! 💐

Enough4me · 24/12/2024 01:46

On Christmas, don't leave the presents under the tree, go off for that walk. Stop responding to him and start responding to your ideas.

sprigatito · 24/12/2024 01:46

Sometimes the New Year's resolutions just write themselves.

You deserve better than this. He is abusing you emotionally. Strength and solidarity, you don't have to put up with it.

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 24/12/2024 01:47

Big hug it is truly horrible to be treated like this. Do you want to be in the same position next year? Please talk to someone in real life and start planning to leave. Do you have kids? Take your time but I hope you will be in a better place next Christmas.

i have been in your position and truly I am so much happier not living walk-ing on egg shells waiting for the next round of silent treatment.

Be strong you deserve so much more. Take care of yourself and may the coming new year bring better things for you.
💐

Headingtowardsdivorce · 24/12/2024 01:48

I would start caring for myself, because he obviously cares more about himself than he does you. Treat yourself with the love and respect that you deserve 💐

MintGlitter · 24/12/2024 01:49

How many more years are you going to endure this? Do you have an exit plan?

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/12/2024 01:50

OMG - he's not a retired copper is he? An ex of mine got really cross with me because I didn't want a sausage roll in Tesco once!

I don't think they get any better OP.

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/12/2024 01:52

Also OP, most people I know would be happy to have you at their Christmas table under these circumstances.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 24/12/2024 01:52

Stonewalling is one of the worst behaviours as Gottmans the relationship psychologists...

So grimly controlling... Don't accept this appalling behaviour..

MissDicey · 24/12/2024 02:08

StyleSiren · 24/12/2024 01:39

I wasn't enthusiastic about the film DH wanted to watch yesterday evening so he hasn't spoken to me for over 24 hours. Tonight he went into the kitchen and made his own dinner and ate it in the kitchen, then went up to his study. Childishly I retaliated by switching off all the Christmas lights but I am now sitting here crying and steeling myself for another Christmas day in Coventry! I refuse to apologize and I know eventually (after a few days, weeks, months) he will just start behaving as if nothing happened. WWYD in this situation? I don't have family I can go to for Christmas and I don't think any of my friends would appreciate a last minute visitor. I am tempted not to bother putting any of his gifts under the Christmas tree and to go out instead for a long walk and pub lunch (if I can get in anywhere).

You shouldn't put up with this shitty behaviour. Call him out on it and leave after the new year, you don't deserve to be treated like this. There is more out there for you than accepting this!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 24/12/2024 02:09

If you were my friend you'd be more than welcome to come to mine for Christmas. Are you sure there's nowhere you could go? If not, get through Christmas by making plans to be rid of this vile man asap in 2025.

ChristmasEngineer · 24/12/2024 02:24

You will always be lonely with a man like this.

They always get worse.
Get away from him, he's trying to destroy you.

x

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 24/12/2024 02:26

This is the catalyst. Time to get rid, my friend x

Birdscratch · 24/12/2024 02:44

therewasafishinthepercolator · 24/12/2024 01:43

I'm so so sorry. You don't deserve this. He is horrible. Please don't put up with it anymore. His behaviour is not ok. I hope more useful people come along soon to help you. I feel for you.

I reckon if you make the moves to ditch this fucker you'll have a much better christmas next year.

Exactly this. I’m sorry that you have to spend this Christmas with him but next year can be so much better for you.

LittleHangleton · 24/12/2024 02:45

Do you have children? If not, there really is nothing stopping you leaving immediately.

MayaPinion · 24/12/2024 02:49

Can you book yourself into an AirBnB for a week? Take lull the food and your presents and just go and relax away from this head fuckery.

Jossse · 24/12/2024 02:56

Have you told him how you feel about his stonewalling? How much it upsets you?
It is a very destructive behaviour. Tell him how it makes you feel and then see what happens. He may or may not change. But at least you will know and understand what you want. I hate stonewalling and will not tolerate it. Good luck

BettyBardMacDonald · 24/12/2024 02:59

Why would you waste your one and only life on him???

WellsAndThistles · 24/12/2024 03:08

You need to choose to either to stay with an abuser or start making plans to get away from him.

Otherwise you'll be back on here with the same old story for the rest of your life.

Pippa12 · 24/12/2024 03:13

What are your finances like? I’d be tempted to book a holiday over the festive period and then think of an exit strategy somewhere gorgeously hot and sunny!

Zanatdy · 24/12/2024 03:22

My ex was exactly the same, that was how he dealt with conflict. Small things like in your example. Honestly, leave. I don’t miss that. We had 2 kids but I couldn’t live like that. 14yrs ago now I left, kids are well adjusted and happy. They love their dad, and he doesn’t do it to them (well once to eldest, and I went mad at him).

LoveRicePudding · 24/12/2024 03:22

Silent treatment is emotional abuse. He relishes the control he has over you.
Can't you book somewhere nice, there must be some last minutes or cancellations. If finances are tight, a nice long walk and a pub lunch should sort it out.
And after you had some time for yourself, start planning for exit.

Whatisittomorrow · 24/12/2024 03:27

How did you tell him that you didn’t poke his choice in movie?
Did that turn into a heated argument?

There’s never any need for silent treatment. You have my sympathy on this 😔

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