Silent treatment for Christmas… again

[StyleSiren]

I wasn't enthusiastic about the film DH wanted to watch yesterday evening so he hasn't spoken to me for over 24 hours. Tonight he went into the kitchen and made his own dinner and ate it in the kitchen, then went up to his study. Childishly I retaliated by switching off all the Christmas lights but I am now sitting here crying and steeling myself for another Christmas day in Coventry! I refuse to apologize and I know eventually (after a few days, weeks, months) he will just start behaving as if nothing happened. WWYD in this situation? I don't have family I can go to for Christmas and I don't think any of my friends would appreciate a last minute visitor. I am tempted not to bother putting any of his gifts under the Christmas tree and to go out instead for a long walk and pub lunch (if I can get in anywhere).

I can sympathise, it’s the we same with me. DH ignoring me because of a very minor tiff last night. I’ve done the usual just being nice and not hanging on to the argument but he’s being cold and acting badly done to. Oh well another very merry Christmas. 😟

Go to a friend’s. Ask on FB is anyone fancies an extra one for Christmas and pack a bag and go or book a local hotel. Being on your own is easier. What a nasty ex partner you have.

I'm in Lincolnshire OP. Roast lamb tomorrow and a seat at the table. I would gladly host you.
You will be expected to participate in the taskmaster crackers challenges though!

My first boyfriend did this to me. I walked out him when I was 22. I sat there in the house we'd not long bought, as he completely ignored me over nothing and I literally just felt myself snap. I went to my mom and asked if I could move back in, she said yes, and I left with just the clothes on my back. Later went back to get my stuff and he threw himself down the stairs in a bid to manipulate me into coming back. I'm 45 now and I look back at that time in my life as if it happened to someone else. He was wrong in the head. I had some amazing young single years after left him and am now 45 with three kids and have been happily married for 15 years to the kindest man.
There can be a happy ending. Don't settle. Wishing you strength and happiness.

There's a place between apologising when you've done nothing wrong and passive aggressive retaliation of your own. The place is assertiveness. So when he starts with the sulking you go in direct and firm. You tell him that refusing to speak to you and withdrawing from you is abusive behaviour that you won't tolerate. So he has an hour to collect himself and then you expect him to speak to you normally, and if he won't then you will do (whatever) instead. If he chooses to continue to sulk then you move to your solo plans. That way you are completely clear that it's his behaviour that 'ruins Christmas' not you doing something else (which he will otherwise claim to put you in the wrong) you give him the opportunity to change and you communicate clear boundaries and consequences.

If you were my friend I'd be delighted to have you fit christmas and under these circumstances I'd insist. This isn't petty behaviour he's displaying,it's abuse.

Let 2025 be the year you divorce him.

And call your friends.

@Rubytuesday77 this is good advice for you too

If you were friend I would have you at my Xmas in a shot. Don’t put up with this !

Yes, but it depends on whether the OP has made it clear what she won’t tolerate and if generally she feels the relationship is worth trying to save.

Do it !
He wants to punish you for having a voice then just cancel it all.

I really would!

Can you book into a hotel?
Pack a bag and treat yourself.
Life is too short for this.

You are being abused.
So much better to be divorcing than this.
It doesn't sound like you have children?
Pack and leave.
Give him nothing.
Return his gifts.
Let 2025 be the year you choose you.

It always seems to be men that do this... my DH was a little like this at the beginning and I just laughed and said 'if you have something to say - say it and stop sulking'. If he doesnt speak then I just carry on as normal. Its very silly and stupid with no real need.

It helped that I used to live on my own and its pathetic behaviour by a man child.

This. I lived with an ex for four years and I started to see a pattern early on. Special occasions or anything important to me and I knew he would sabotage it. He would engineer situations in order to do this and if there was no way of doing this, he would lose his ability to govern his emotions entirely. He couldn't bear to see me happy. The only time he seems totally content was when I was working hard on projects in the house, doing chores or a load of overtime at my work due to staff shortages. It was truly pathetic but eventually he overstepped to such a massive degree, I left as soon as he went to work and never went back.

I would never have told him why I left. As I read on here once, I am not the asshole whisperer. It was not my job to try and get him to be a decent human being.

This was back 1986 - 1990 but recently, purely by accident, I met someone that knows him and he told me that has never been able to keep a partner and is currently alone.

Great idea of journaling by TiredEyestoday

‘“Also pack a notebook and a pen- you’re inevitably going to be doing some hard thinking, and getting it down on paper will help you process, and stop you stewing.”

find a quiet place to still and write it all down in a journal. Journaling is so good for later reflection and for calming.

What shocked me reading your post that it's happened before and you mentioned it goes on for weeks or months. This is very cruel and just because he's not hitting you it's still a form of domestic abuse. You really need to leave this man, you're already living a single life, anything will be better than this

I'm sorry, and for what it's worth, if any of my friends said they needed somewhere to go on Christmas day (abusive husband or not), I'd gladly welcome them.

Please give yourself the gift of not being with him next Christmas!

Don’t let him spoil it! Yes it will be last minute but I wouldn’t see a friend left in this situation. Call your closest friends, explain the situation and ask to come tomorrow. They won’t let you down I’m sure and you can always offer to bring loads of food as I’m sure you have stuff in and could take it with you.

if you cannot, have a Google. Depending where you live there is a Christmas Day walk in the Peak District - anyone alone can just turn up at the meeting point. There will be others nationally and pubs will be open.

dont suffer.

his silent treatment is abuse. In January give yourself the gift of freedom and see a solicitor and divorce him

My sister's ex used to do the silent treatment on her. It is emotional abuse. I'd book a hotel room and think about leaving him for good.

I remember the embarrassment trying to cover up my ex husband's moods when we had a visitor. He'd be maintaining ignoring me and I'd be extra bright and breezy, because it's awful and I didn't want people to know how he was. Even then I didn't want family thinking badly of him. Crazy, looking back.
Get out OP, these men don't deserve us.

If you can, leave and check into a nice hotel for a night. Doesn't have to be far away. One with a spa open would be brilliant.

Go for a long walk, stop in a pub for a meal.

Book a chinese/indian restaurant, they tend to be open on Christmas Eve/Day. Take a book or invite someone you know doesn't have plans with anyone.

Just don't put up with his abuse. And it is abuse. And I hope you're making plans to leave when you're ready.

I'd rather be alone than lonely with someone.

Fantastic, well done you !

@LoveRicePudding
a nice long walk and a pub lunch should sort it out.

If only I'd known it was that simple!

Exactly

OP where are you?

Please leave. It only gets worse. Currently having the worst Christmas of my life because I stayed for examples like yours. It's a form of abuse, and it won't get better.