Silent treatment for Christmas… again

[StyleSiren]

I wasn't enthusiastic about the film DH wanted to watch yesterday evening so he hasn't spoken to me for over 24 hours. Tonight he went into the kitchen and made his own dinner and ate it in the kitchen, then went up to his study. Childishly I retaliated by switching off all the Christmas lights but I am now sitting here crying and steeling myself for another Christmas day in Coventry! I refuse to apologize and I know eventually (after a few days, weeks, months) he will just start behaving as if nothing happened. WWYD in this situation? I don't have family I can go to for Christmas and I don't think any of my friends would appreciate a last minute visitor. I am tempted not to bother putting any of his gifts under the Christmas tree and to go out instead for a long walk and pub lunch (if I can get in anywhere).

Thread have a read of this thread about men who engineer arguments just to ruin any special occasion, it appears to be very common 😡.

That’s what he’s done here, looked for any excuse to ruin Christmas for you so you’re as joyless as he is.

Hopefully, it’s just the 2 of you and you can leave him alone. If not, I’d go about my Christmas acting as joyful as possible, singing Christmas songs and enjoying or pretending to enjoy myself just so he doesn’t get what he wants!

My Dad does this, every time there is an occasion or they are going somewhere he does this to my Mum. Every Xmas is shit because he will go in to a Sulk that drags on for weeks before Xmas & everyone tiptoes around him.
I’ve been telling my mum to leave for years.
men like this get worse, not better.

It is really horrible for him to ignore you / not speak for over a day, and because of such a trivial thing. He sounds horrible and you shouldn't put up with such bad treatment. Tell him to fuck off. Have a lovely Christmas on your own.

Seriously? Yikes

Your marriage is over. You should leave in the new year. Sorry

Take all of his presents back to shops for refunds today. Book a room or turn a room in your house into just you space ( buy and fit a fit a bolt if needed() make yourself some drinks and snacks and settle down with a good book or films change the code on the Wi-Fi and have a brilliant Christmas without him.

OP, I hope you will make a plan for the new year to leave this inadequate loser and abuser.

Put his presents in the car boot so he can’t get to them and go out for your meal.

It doesn't get any better unfortunately. I'd use the energy of your anger and hurt to start planning your escape. Life's too short to put up with this. And I speak as someone who has put up with it for too long in my relationship - but am now getting out.

Do you have children?

If not your plan sounds perfect.

Why do you stay with this man?

He’s actually given you the best Christmas gift he could, although it won’t feel like it yet.

I was married to one of these for 10 years so I know exactly what you’re going through. Silent treatment is abuse. If they punched us in the face instead of treating us like we don’t exist, we would have no illusions about it being abuse. But this is insidious. And as PPs have said, it doesn’t get better. It will destroy you if you stay. Free yourself from this endless cycle of abuse.

Why do you stay??

Give yourself a present this Christmas and LTB.

There was a thread on here about just that and she did leave. It's not ok. My SH was gunning for an argument yesterday and I shouted back and think it'll be ok but if he did silence I would struggle not to leave. Lots here will say leave like it's easy or quick which I don't think it is. BUT finances of a friend or relative permitting , you could go there and break the cycle for a few days and explain why you're going if you feel safe to do so

10 years ago I could have written this post word for word.

You have already made your choice and know what to do, now you need to do it.

Go for that walk on Christmas day, find that pub and have lunch (lots of Marstons pubs are offering free Xmas lunch to anyone on their own or in need) and make your plan for better 2025.

As I said, 10 years ago, this was me. I'm now happier than I've ever been with a wonderful DH, about to spend Christmas with my kids, my dad and looking forward to it.

Make 2025 the year of changes for you x

Do you have an extra card lying around?

Write: F—k you, Howard. I’m not putting up with your bullshit any longer. Sign it, f—k you.

Leave it for him on the kitchen counter and go out for the day. But before you leave, make sure you do that one thing that irritates him the most— empty the trash but don’t put in a new bin bag. Don’t empty the coffee grounds. Don’t rinse your dishes. Don’t pick clothes up off the floor. Heck there’s a million of ‘em.
You do NOT deserve to spend the rest of your life feeling small and insignificant.
No ma’am you certainly do not.

If you were (or are!) my friend, you’d be welcome here, please speak to your friends!

The silent treatment would annoy me and it is certainly emotionally abusive but make the active decision to not be affected by his moods.

Are you sure your friends wouldn’t welcome you? My friends would always be welcome in my home if they needed me.

Give yourself the gift of divorce. Go out. Don’t give him any presents.

My XH always found an excuse to ruin Christmas day and my birthday and mothers day and the kids birthdays. He isn't a stonewaller, he makes vicous remarks and gets angry and you can see his anger. I still find special occasions uncomfortable, I don't know if that underlying anxiety will ever go completely, but it's so much better without him here and not having to dread that moment he finds something to be displeased by. Leaving was the best thing to do. For tomorrow I'd focus on you, pack up the presents, go for a walk, eat what you want, watch your choice of movie or have a soak in the bath or read a book, whatever you'd like to do. Don't worry about him, he can be miserable or pissed off if he wants and you can do something for you.

The sad thing he is punishing you for having the audacity to have your own opinion.

My dh and I disagree on taste of films, tv choice etc we wouldn’t punish each other for being different. It’s completely normal!

It is so controlling, that he is virtually ‘training’ you to agree with everythhg he says, eventually in order not to be punished by abandonment (silent treatment) you will just agree to anything to avoid his silent wrath. You will lose your autonomy and free will, and eventually the ability to think for yourself without deferring to him.

You won’t even have the option to leave then. Your confidence will be so low, you will have lost all sense of yourself, and won’t have the ability to imagine life without him telling you what to do and how to do it. You will become a shell of your former self. No longer a fully functioning person in any real sense of the word.

This is your future if you don’t summon up the courage to finally stand up for yourself. He doesn’t get to repeatedly abandon you for a different view and ruin every Christmas with his cruelty.

Please tell your friends and family and accept any invitation to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I wouldn’t tell him. Or do anything destructive. Just leave and turn your phone off. Enough is enough.

Remember Christmas is one day, it will come and go, he is doing this to hurt you because he knows it matters to you.

This will only get worse. Please leave and stop wasting your life on this manchild.

100% this.

I was about to say this, if you were my friend you’d be welcome! Please speak to them.

Failing that he’d be getting no presents and I’d rather spend it on my own than with him and you need to do this, he isn’t going to change !