Silent treatment for Christmas… again

[StyleSiren]

I wasn't enthusiastic about the film DH wanted to watch yesterday evening so he hasn't spoken to me for over 24 hours. Tonight he went into the kitchen and made his own dinner and ate it in the kitchen, then went up to his study. Childishly I retaliated by switching off all the Christmas lights but I am now sitting here crying and steeling myself for another Christmas day in Coventry! I refuse to apologize and I know eventually (after a few days, weeks, months) he will just start behaving as if nothing happened. WWYD in this situation? I don't have family I can go to for Christmas and I don't think any of my friends would appreciate a last minute visitor. I am tempted not to bother putting any of his gifts under the Christmas tree and to go out instead for a long walk and pub lunch (if I can get in anywhere).

He is an abusive twat. Give yourself the best Christmas present ever and leave him.

He knows he's spoiling your good time. He doesn't care. He wants to.

How bloody awful for you.

Please do ask you friends if you can go to them. Ask them to get in touch with a time slot that suits them. I’m sure you’ll get offers.
Failing that, I’ve seen on Facebook in my city that there are meet-ups for people who are on their own but don’t want to spend the whole day on their own.
Please tell people what he’s like and get away, on Christmas Day and after that. You can do it. You deserve more.

This! Called by Gottmann one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Cab you not go to him and say ‘you’ve ignored me for 24 hrs, when do you intend to let go of this?’ If he ignores you, book into a last minute hotel / go to a pub whilst planning your escape. Unless you want a lifetime of this. Miserable emotional blackmailing f*er

Hand him a Christmas card tomorrow that reads 'your gift from me is a divorce', then on the 27th of December start to contact divorce lawyers

Plenty of Airbnb places you could book to check into tonight. Load the car up with food from your kitchen and take yourself off to spend Christmas Day in peace and quiet

If this is how a man treats you, it's not acceptable.

Either try talking and seeing what he has to say, and make sure he knows he's never to do it again.

If you've talked before and this isn't a one-off, you should divorce him.

Sulking over a movie FFS!
Its the behaving as if nothing happened later that drives me mad as well. Not acknowledging that he behaved like a c**t at Christmas is unacceptable. The resentment builds up every time they do it to you. Youre supposed to suck it up but its abusive and invalidating. I had a mother who did this to me and an ex. Its narcissism at its finest.

I would confront him but that would mean more stress for you so definitely extricate yourself from this situation. Do whatever you have to do. And in the NY resolve to get shot of him. He's repugnant.

Great idea.

I think you’ve written this post knowing we will tell
you to leave him. I think/hope you know it’s not acceptable. You didn’t like the film, it’s not a reason to make you feel shit.

Actually you need to stop feeling hurt & start to feel outrage.
He can ruin Xmas over a choice of film.
What kind of bully does this ? (We all call out in unison, a controlling bastard)

Yes I would go out on Christmas Day, no Turkey, no present, no Modem. (Take the back door key so he can't lock you out)
Just Go. Do not respond if he calls
Just go & think about what your life looks like & what it will look like from now on if you stay & if you leave.
Life is too short, even the short term misery he will cause over a divorce is better than the long term waiting to die in misery he will procure you

It's emotional abuse, I'd bet if you called a friend they would find room for you please reach out . Don't spend Christmas in misery and leave him as soon as you can .

If you were my friend, we’d happily budge up and make room. Let someone know what’s going on.

Wtf? Why does OP sound shitty?

Sounds like my ex husband. I put up with it for nearlt 20 years and it made me miserable. It's hard to describe how awful the 'silent treatment' is. Thankfully I moved on, and have a lovely normal husband now. You can move on too. It will be hard but you can do it.

Please leave. You deserve to be happy and treated well. You have an army here behind you. This is your Christmas gift to yourself x

The OP doesn't sound 'shitty' but the poster who wrote that feels it and they're sour about everything this morning. That's my guess. Or a troll.

I think you should get shot of him… but in the short term, he is in child ego state and unable or unwilling to behave like an adult. You need to model what good behaviour looks like. Put his present under the tree, put the lights on, behave as you wish he would. Like a toddler you have to show him how to behave- not tell him or engage with tit for tat oneupmanship.

If you want that is. Or you could book a fly and flop and get to the airport today. Take some books and sun cream and just fuck off. The DREAM, we’d all be rooting for you! X

For Christmas, gift yourself freedom. I don't know if the being alone in Coventry is literal or a turn of phrase that I don't know, but if literal, Coventry cathedral do a lovely service on Christmas day. I'd go for a walk, perhaps a service, have a nice lunch, plan my escape.

What would I do? Get out of the relationship. It’s emotional abuse. Being alone is preferable by far to being in a relationship where the other person rejects you and makes you feel bad about yourself. You deserve more.

No. They dont. You on the other hand

Sending someone to Coventry is a phrase used to mean giving the silent treatment.

Go out and buy a dummy. Give him that for his Christmas present as he's acting like a child. Return his presents.

Ignore him - go for the long walk and perhaps visit a local church service. Pub lunches will probably be booked out so cook whatever you planned to serve but go into another room to eat it.

Clearly modelling good behaviour has not worked so enjoy your own company and ignore him. If he sees sulking has no impact on you maybe he'll stop or maybe you'll get the courage to walk out.

Months!!! He will behave appallingly for months for something as small as you not liking a film he chose?
OP- you go out for that walk and pub lunch and no gifts for him either. Then I think you need to consider your long term future and if you are going to tolerate being treated in such a horrible way for the rest of your life

Sorry to hear you are experiencing this. Yes, stonewalling is a form of abuse and no one has the right to silence someone else. This is his issue and not yours. As they say… you can’t change someone, you can only your response to them. Wishing you the strength to find the best life for you and hope next year finds you in a happier place.