Partner spending Christmas with ex-wife/kids/friends.

[melissajreyes]

My partner is spending Christmas with his ex-wife and kids. Kids are 17 and 13. They divorced in 2020. Every Christmas is spent together. I don't have kids. His argument is that Christmas together is for the kids and that's fine.

Last night, he told me his longtime friends invited him to bring his kids over to their place on Christmas Day - this would be post family time/post opening gifts etc... He said he would like to take his kids over to their (the friends) place. These are family friends, to be clear. So their kids would get to spend time with his kids etc... I don't know why, but I thought it would be just him taking his kids over - because of the way he phrased it.

Today, while we were talking he tells me he has to text his ex-wife and tell her that 'we are invited to A and B's house for Christmas Day'.

By 'we' he meant he and his ex-wife, that is.

I'm not invited to this, so basically it'd be two sets of families hanging out together. I've decided to spend Christmas Day with my parents - and then friends in the evening as a result.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? I've put up with a lot that isn't 'normal' since he has kids and I don't, but at some point, it's a piss-take.

He's admitted that his situation isn't 'normal' but that it is all in the name of his kids - and that's fine to a degree - but I don't see anything ever changing.

Agree. Dh and I dated for 1.5 years and then were engaged, and married about 2 years after we met. Three years is a significant amount of time

Agree with both of you. I always date my age or slightly younger/older. I do feel it can be enabling misogyny to date these much older men who refuse to stay with or date women their own age.

I once dated a guy my age who was divorced in his late 20s with no kids. He told me he kept in contact with his ex’s sister and child as he was close to his niece but he didn’t speak to his ex.

A few weeks later he said his ex had “surprised” him and came round with his favourite cookies for his birthday, and cleaned his kitchen etc. Then as time went on it was clear they had some weird relationship, despite the fact she had moved on with a new partner and even fell pregnant.

There was constant triangulation which got worse. I ended things after a few months, but I was creeping on his social media a year later and I saw he was now the godfather of his ex’s child and had the kid splashed all over his social media! So glad I got out when I did - good luck to his future partner!

What do you both do for work? Can you arrange another xmas day between just the two of you?

@superplumb That’s ridiculous. Why should this man have his cake and eat it ?

He was meant to spend it with his ex and kids during the day then hang out with Op in the evening. He chose to unceremoniously ditch OP last minute and as a result of his decision they didn’t spend any part of Christmas Day together. He should deal with the consequences of that.

Women need to stop enabling this crap and being so passive. I hope she’s ended things never mind planning “another Xmas day” - talk about accepting crumbs! Embarrassing 😵‍💫

Yes. All our children are happy like this.
So. Works for us. Thanks.

He really should have turned down the offer as he had plans with you, or have taken you. That little bit of gut instinct- listen to it as you cannot be 2nd all the time.

I will reply properly when I have time but this is basically the same as I've gone through even to the fact he's 8 years older but I am finishing my relationship with him.
I have always encouraged him to spend time with his kids and he does he has them 50/50 sometimes more.
But I am done this Christmas. The final straw was Nye and I do understand how you are feeling.
I hope everything have worked out in the end

How are you op? Did this get resolved? I remembered your post when I met with a friend who is having similar issues!

Really? Clearly you've never been in this situation yourself. You think it's acceptable for her partner to cancel plans with her on Xmas day to go and play happy families on a double date with another couple and his ex wife, and it's ok because it's "for the sake of the kids"? It's not. It's beyond weird. If somebody ditched me like this on Xmas day I would be ditching them permanently.

I absolutely agree with you. Co-parents that i know (including myself) never spend Xmas Day together- one of them has the children on Boxing Day and then a every year we swap. It is fair. Blended families are hard.

This.

Do you live together or date?