New baby in-laws won't visit as we chose to move away

[dragonflyden]

We have a 12 week baby who in-laws have yet to meet because they won't come and visit as we chose to move away and in their words we made our bed by moving away.
I didn't feel up to travelling the 4 hour journey to begin with to see them but was happy for them to come to us but they refused.
Now with Christmas around the corner I could do the journey in theory but I invited them to us as I thought it would be easier to be at home with all mine and babies things but they have said no they will not be putting themselves out because we decided to move away so we either go to them or not at all.
Not visiting them will mean they don't meet their Grandchild AIBU to think if they can't come and see us then never mind and not bother to travel 4 hours for them to meet their Grandchild?

Just return that energy. Bother as much as they do.

How are they mobility wise? 4 hours is quite a long drive for some people

Is there more of a back story here?
It sounds rather churlish of them.

Did anyone else wonder what 'new baby in-laws' were?

Sad and bizarre on their part. I have a 4 month old and moved across an ocean a decade ago and my parents have visited twice since my son was born

If they have made that choice, then that’s fine. Live your life, spend time with those that give you the time and enjoy the time with your baby. Congratulations x

YANBU

Is this a power play from them? Wanting you to dance to their tune and "punishing" you because you haven't? Or are they not capable of travelling?

If the former, the petty part of me would be waiting for them to complain about not knowing their grandchild, so you can reply "you made your bed..."

They are either

a) very confident that if push comes to shove, you will make the journey to see them or
b) not overly bothered about seeing their new grandchild.

Do with that information what you will. What does your partner think?

I wouldn't be going to them this year.
Maybe next year.

Let them.

Look up the "Let them" theory. You can't control how others act, you can only control your reactions to their actions. If they don't want to visit "because you moved away" so fkin be it, the trash took itself out. Enjoy your peace with your new baby. When they moan they havebt seen the child, remind them they decided not to come. AS A NEW MOTHER, ITS NOT YOUR JOB TO TAKE THE CHILD TO VISIT PEOPLE. It's your job to recover from BIRTHING A BABY. Let them cut their fkin nose off to spite their face. Enjoy being a new mum.

Their loss , your child won’t miss what it’s never had, especially at weeks old . Do not go to them unless you are going to the area for other reasons like visiting other family .

Only in as much as they are rather put out at us moving 4 hours away from them but it was for dh job.
For context they are Cornish and anywhere outside of Cornwall to them is like moving abroad.

They sound awful
You're better off without them
Enjoy your lovely baby , and your first Christmas as a mum

Mobility wise they are both fit and healthy and only in their late 40s

4 hours each way is a lot for a young baby and all of their things!

If that's their stance, leave them to it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Let them be. They don't want to meet the baby.
Baby dodged a bullet.

I wouldn't put myself out for them.

Enjoy your first Christmas as a mummy,

Kill them with kindness.

Just keep letting them know that there is an invitation for them to come to you and you’d love them to join you.

Dont bite back to the negativity and most importantly let your DH be the one to communicate.

You moved for his job and they are his parents.

No way would I visit them.

Yeah,including a baby

So their son moved 4 hrs away for his job and their response is 'you've made your bed'
So be it...
It really isn't your problem op. With their attitude, you're better off without them in all honesty.

Don’t think you’re meant to have a baby in a car seat for anywhere near that length of time. Me and my db both ended up down south, parents up north, difference being that they had lived here at some point so had friends still and were happy to travel to us and wanted to see the dc.

I think your inlaws are being very petty, only in their 40s! I’m going to assume job opportunities are not vast for various sectors in their area, they really can’t blame you for moving for jobs, it’s what we all do.

My mother is like this and I don't bother with her. My daughter is nearly 7 and doesn't know her at all and she only lives 25 minutes away!

If they want to visit you then make them very welcome but otherwise don't be putting yourself out taking a baby for a 4 hour drive.

Late 40s? Like, born in the late 1940s? Otherwise they’re very young and hugely unreasonable.

Aged late 40s dh and I are in our 20s.

I would leave them to it, it is their loss.