New baby in-laws won't visit as we chose to move away

[dragonflyden]

We have a 12 week baby who in-laws have yet to meet because they won't come and visit as we chose to move away and in their words we made our bed by moving away.
I didn't feel up to travelling the 4 hour journey to begin with to see them but was happy for them to come to us but they refused.
Now with Christmas around the corner I could do the journey in theory but I invited them to us as I thought it would be easier to be at home with all mine and babies things but they have said no they will not be putting themselves out because we decided to move away so we either go to them or not at all.
Not visiting them will mean they don't meet their Grandchild AIBU to think if they can't come and see us then never mind and not bother to travel 4 hours for them to meet their Grandchild?

Visiting your newborn grandchild is hardly suffering.

They obviously don't care about meeting their new grandchild. How very hurtful for your partner. I wouldn't be making the journey to see them, that's for sure.

Fuck them.

Seriously.

Fuck them. Don't ask them to visit; don't offer to visit; stop engaging in the conversation.

How dare they think it's acceptable to actually try to punish grown ups for moving. How fucking dare they. The job market is widely shit, the cost of living is shit, and people have to move to survive these days.

You moved to give yourselves, your family, your baby a better future ... your DH's job. If your inlaws can't accept that, then fuck them.

Fuck them. I wouldn't take a 12 week old baby in a 4 hour drive. Realistically, you'll have to stop every hour or so. It will probably take nearer 6 hours. If they don't want to come then that's on them.

If that’s their attitude and they’re the words they chose, then quite frankly OP, they’re dicks. Dicks who are cutting their nose off to spite their face. You and baby won’t suffer not seeing them, but they’ll miss out on knowing their GC and watching them grow.

Leave them to wallow in their pit and put all your energy into your new little family-you don’t need shit like that when you’re a new mum. What a pair of absolute bell ends. They’re the same age as me, if my DS and his GF moved away and had a baby, I’d be there as much as I could feasibly manage

Personally I couldn't give a fuck if inlaws saw my children. I wish I didn't have to bother with all that crap.
It's easier for you to stay home with a 12wk old baby so do what you want. They're being selfish when they don't have children to travel with. With their logic no one would see family as everyone chooses to move.

In this case, I would then offer to meet for lunch and a walk at a halfway point. If they still refuse even that, then I’d say “fine, we’ll visit when it’s not a major hassle with a small baby.” They’re being big babies and throwing their toys out of the pram.

you're making it sound like the OP did something weird when all she did was move a few hours away.
People move all the time and family visit each other.
It's very petty to refuse to visit your baby grandchild because their parents moved away.

Late 40s 😲

This is crazy. I have a feeling they would be a nightmare if they were in your lives though, so it may be a blessing in disguise.

Really hard to find work in Cornwall, what did they expect?

Yep, we travelled similarly with my babies to visit family and we had to stop 3/4 times (200 miles) to feed them, change their nappies. One of them took to screaming non-stop most of the way.
We had to stop travelling with them until they they were older.

We moved away for a better life. Who wouldn't want that for their children?

Their loss.

Assuming you could put them up for a night or two (or they could find accommodation nearby) I think it is sad that they won’t make the effort. To me it’s cutting off your nose to spite your face but I am no longer surprised by how badly people behave. Our GD brings a lot of joy to our lives and we regularly “inconvenience” ourselves as we want a relationship with her.

Late 40s?

My husband is mid 40s and works 6 hours away from us.

This is not an age thing.

What has your husband said?

We moved the same distance away. My in-laws have visited 3 times since we moved here 12 years ago. My kids don't really care...no love lost. I am happy I don't need to engage very often. Honestly, your child is better off without that negativity. They clearly don't care enough to visit. It's a long journey for a baby. Would take longer than 4 hours with feeding and nappy changes etc too.

People should be realistic - whatever were the reasons for the move it would be much more sensible for two 50 y.o grandparents to visit 12 weeks baby then the other way around especially when it’s 4 hours trip.
And it sounds like grandparents is able to do the trip ( they are not denying it) they are just making a point of not doing it. It’s very mean.

Bollocks to them, then!!

I would not be undertaking a 4 hour journey with a new baby. Your in laws are being very selfish. Please do not let it spoil this special time with your baby.

That's so shit of them. Your DH must be so hurt.

As I suspected, there is more to this. I was thinking perhaps they didn’t have transport or may have had pets to consider, but you now let us know that you are not invested in seeing them and I’m sure they know that. I am sure your partner knows that. Had they been keen to visit, you may well have been posting about toxic in-laws. Either way, would you say you just enjoy a good moan about them?

That's idiotic. It is hardly difficult for grandparents in their 40s to do their fair share of the travelling.

The grandparents are in their 40s - not their 90s!

I would move mountains never mind make a four hour journey to see a new grandchild. Sorry don't understand their attitude, it is quite normal for adult children to move some distance away, sounds like sulking to me. They are young grandparents no reason for them not to travel, it is so much easier than you doing the journey with all the baby paraphernalia. I raised my eldest grandchild so I still can remember all the hassle involved. Enjoy your little one's first Christmas, try to focus on that it is a very special time. Bless you x

For context they are Cornish and anywhere outside of Cornwall to them is like moving abroad

My cousin lives in Cornwall and jokingly says that there are only 5 families in Cornwall