New baby in-laws won't visit as we chose to move away

[dragonflyden]

We have a 12 week baby who in-laws have yet to meet because they won't come and visit as we chose to move away and in their words we made our bed by moving away.
I didn't feel up to travelling the 4 hour journey to begin with to see them but was happy for them to come to us but they refused.
Now with Christmas around the corner I could do the journey in theory but I invited them to us as I thought it would be easier to be at home with all mine and babies things but they have said no they will not be putting themselves out because we decided to move away so we either go to them or not at all.
Not visiting them will mean they don't meet their Grandchild AIBU to think if they can't come and see us then never mind and not bother to travel 4 hours for them to meet their Grandchild?

I would never drive four hours with a baby.

If they can not be bothered with you return the energy. The door is always open should you wish to visit.

Do not under any circumstances make your yearly holidays a visit “home”.

Let them cut their noses off to spite their faces. I would send them the occasional photo (maybe once a month send a couple of pics) and not mention inviting them again. If they mention the move again, I would say, "We moved because it was the best thing for us, it's unreasonable to think that we should have stayed put just to accommodate others when that's not what was best for our little family. If you want to miss meeting your grandchild and you don't want your grandchild to know who you are then that's entirely your prerogative but you have been invited and nothing will change as we're not moving back. I won't ask again going forward so if you decide you would like to visit at any point, feel free to reach out and we can agree a mutually convenient time"

Remember that they get what they give. Don't go out of your way for them either. It's their loss. Honestly,they can't control where you live. They are acting like toddlers.So.. " they made their own bed " when it comes to visits as well.

Our families had a similar attitude. Parents did visit once a year but no visits from either set for about 4 years now. My sister hasn't visited once in 25 years.
I did the 7 hour journey to visit them when DD was 10 weeks old.

Late 40s? They are having a laugh! I thought you were going to say that they were late 80s!

Enjoy your Christmas at home! 🌲

They're clearly not bothered about meeting the baby. That's their loss. Stay at home for Christmas.

Yes that's why I clicked on it, i was like what's a baby in law 🤣🤣

Do they go out in general or are they home people who never leave their hometown. I think if its more an anxiety thing that's different to if their always traveling all over but won't come to you

I'll echo others. If they're young, fit, able and just decided not to see their grandchild just because their son got a new job further away. Then match their energy and don't bother. Are they otherwise interested? Or are they having a tantrum and not calling or asking for pics? If yes, then I'd make the drive at some point.

But when parents move away and their adult children don't want to visit as often the MN response is that they chose to move and that's one of the consequences.

While the OP and her family might have moved for a good reason, it was still them who moved. So why now is it the fault of the ones who didn't move?

I get it would be nice if they wanted to see their DGC, but again - when parents who've moved would like to see their DGC the OP is told that it isn't her job to put herself out.

Leave them to it. Miserable wankers.

In the long run it will be them who are missing out. I suggest you leave them to their misery in peace.

It certainly is for a 3 month old baby

This

What idiots letting their pride get in the way of having a relationship with you all.

What has your husband said to them?

Late 40s, Jesus Christ. Don't go to them. They are twats. Enjoy your lovely Christmas without them

They are being unreasonable, far easier for them to travel than for you to travel with a baby and it’s not ideal for babies to be in car seats for any longer than necessary. If they’re not bothered enough to travel to see their grandchild then I’m not sure they’re good people to have in your baby’s life. I would have travelled halfway around the world to meet my DNs when they were born and so would my parents, my mum would probably have travelled to the moon if necessary! The world doesn’t revolve around them, your baby comes first now and if they’re don’t recognise that they’re probably not worth making an effort with.

Same here. My parents haven't visited in 20 years and my brother has never visited. Sod them all.

I understand that completely but I'm not as invested in seeing them as I would imagine they might be in seeing their first grandchild and if they haven't come to meet them by 12 weeks then they are not going to are they?

Meh fuck em

They have made their choice .... just leave them be.

Make it clear that they are welcome to visit and leave it at that. Just get on with your life.

Tbh op I wouldn't be putting yourself under any pressure for them. Obviously it's a long journey but if they're more than capable of doing it then the birth of a grandchild would be probably the best reason to do it. I think the fact they are choosing to be stubborn instead of actively wanting to come and visit and spend time with their grandchild speaks volumes and I'd absolutely return their energy.

Have they done any face times etc?

Meet them half way?

If mobility/cost was an issue then I'd understand but ILs travel abroad and we'd always reimburse travel costs if they were struggling. We have a spare room, we'd feed them, entertain them etc.
I feel really sorry for my children. We barely get a phone call from them either. They show no interest.
Sod them indeed.

Let them off.
I wouldn't be going anywhere with the baby.
Stay at home and mind yourself.
It makes no difference whatsoever to your baby if they visit or not.