New baby in-laws won't visit as we chose to move away

[dragonflyden]

We have a 12 week baby who in-laws have yet to meet because they won't come and visit as we chose to move away and in their words we made our bed by moving away.
I didn't feel up to travelling the 4 hour journey to begin with to see them but was happy for them to come to us but they refused.
Now with Christmas around the corner I could do the journey in theory but I invited them to us as I thought it would be easier to be at home with all mine and babies things but they have said no they will not be putting themselves out because we decided to move away so we either go to them or not at all.
Not visiting them will mean they don't meet their Grandchild AIBU to think if they can't come and see us then never mind and not bother to travel 4 hours for them to meet their Grandchild?

Very odd of them. A lot of Cornish youngsters have to move for work, it's not unusual at all, and often not a choice there simply isn't the right type of work that pays enough. Buying a house is difficult and expensive there too compared to further north.
Go visit in the summer, baby will be older and it's less than an hour by plane to Newquay

Me too!!

Good God! I wish I was late 40s - I’d be bouncing with energy and zooming those 4 hours to see my new GC!!
I find them both incredibly stubborn, and really quite sad, OP. Your DH and you must be ‘punished’ for him moving away for work? So your little family has been cast out unless you do the schlepping down to them?

Nah.
Sod ‘Em!

It is their loss… Silly people!
have a wonderful first Christmas together as a family, wishing you all the best for your little one!🎄

Yep that’s right the OP should buy a whole new car seat that is less safe than the one she has to accommodate her in laws who can’t be fucked leaving Cornwall 🙄

@dragonflyden I just knew you were going to say Cornwall. Of course dh had to move for his job. Life can be insular in Cornwall.

They are also very young grandparents! However I have to tell you, this frightens some people. I have a friend whose mother just could not accept being a grandmother at 45. She just didn’t bond with her grandchildren. She wasn’t far away but not all grandparents gush with love. I think the travelling is a red herring I’m afraid.
It will be interesting to see how this pans out. Will you go there for holidays? Your journeys will be more challenging than theirs! In the meantime enjoy your baby and don’t give travelling a thought.

My in laws are like this. I end up relenting and going to them, for my husband's sake. He loves his parents and it's not his fault they make no effort. It's a hard one to navigate. If it was up to me we'd never go up there.

Go in summer when it’s nice in Cornwall and the baby will be old enough for the drive (with stops every 2 hrs for good stretch). Baby can have their first beach day. Let DH deal with anything till then and let them know the invite is there.

Unless there’s some medical problem 4 hours is nothing.
I’ve driven longer than that, alone, for a couple of weekends away this year.
They’re punishing you and your DH.
Make sure to tell them about your lovely Christmas, how cute baby was and they can always visit you.

My parents insisted that we drive a 6-hour return trip with a 3-week old baby to farewell them as they flew off on a world trip. Someone had to pick up and look after their dog, you see. It took the baby days to recover from the travel and stress. Mine, that is. No way...as someone else said, your job is to protect and nurture that baby. Everyone else's job is to support you.

Absolutely their loss. Its incredibly difficult the travel all that way with a baby.
They clearly don't want to meet their grandchild. Nice.

How selfish of them. Their loss. Enjoy your baby.

A decent grandparent would be really excited to meet their new grandchild and would go above and beyond to do so. They don't care about your child. They're unlikely to be good grandparents so don't waste your time making the effort.

lazy feckers, you don't need them in your life - leave them to rot in Cornwall

Agree! Travelling 4 hours with a newborn is a bad plan. What kind of in-laws don't visit for this reason?!

My late mum always said the Cornish were strange. 😂😂😂

Yes. I did!

I think most of us would move heaven and earth to meet a new grandchild. I know I would, and I'm considerably older than your in-laws.

How sad.
My instinct would be to let them wallow in their misery - it is them that are missing out, but ultimately this is your dh's relationship with his parents - you need to hear what he thinks.

So would mine, and further. 100 percent.

They had a baby. What grandparents won’t meet a new baby for months because the op dared move a few hours away? Young people move location, that’s a common part of growing up.

I'll be in the minority here & side with the grandparents. They obviously didn't want you moving away, you chose to do it, although with good reason it was still your choice, so you should be the ones having to travel and put yourselves out, not them.
I have seen this happen with another family & majority of the time the ones to travel to visit, are the ones who decided to move away. I think that's fair.

Are you the MIL? How ridiculous.

Ok..that puts a different spin on things. I was going to say just go and visit them, it won't kill you to be kind and accommodating to older people who might not be around all that longer. My dad only visited me once after my first baby, I had to do all the travelling after that as she got older and with all the others, newborns, toddlers, 4.5 hours of hell. But he just wasnt mentally or physically able for the trip. But these people are the same age or younger than me! So I think you should do whatever you would like. If you want to keep a relationship going, go visit at a time that suits you. Stay with them or stay in a hotel. Suit yourself. As they have done. If you're not bothered, don't bother. If your baby's father wants to take baby to visit when a bit older he can always go himself if he wants.

Absolutely ridiculous. Should everyone just live next door to their parents so that the parents don’t need to put any effort in to the relationship with not only their children and grandchildren?

My husband moved 10,000 miles away from his family and they still make the effort and show up. Life happens and if you’ve done a good job as a parent you should hope for your kids to develop independence and self reliance to the point that they can move away from you.

Can you be my mil too? You sound a dream. Your dil hit the jackpot 😍

We have a similar attitude from my in-laws. No mobility issues whatsoever and they’re perfectly happy to drop by when it’s convenient for them (we live close to an airport) but otherwise attitude is “when are you coming down”. No consideration for the fact we have young children and work FT whereas they are retired and in good health. Irritates the hell out of me.

No I'm not but the situation is a result of the OP's actions, not the grandparents so why should they suffer even more for it.