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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

1000 replies

Bookitonlinenextyear · 22/12/2024 12:20

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

OP posts:
Onlycoffee · 22/12/2024 12:22

Are you his boss?

If DH wants to help his DM then he's "allowed", surely.

GreyTS · 22/12/2024 12:23

Honestly, it just seems like this is a nice thing he does with his mum every Xmas eve. Is it really such a big deal to let them have that? I mean obviously it's up to you but I can't imagine making a drama of this

Stillherestillpraying · 22/12/2024 12:23

For a lot of people, especially of her generation, a big part of the Christmas experience is the food shop, choosing things. Clicking on a screen just doesn’t do it. To those youngsters who hate supermarkets they don’t get this, but I am remembering my gran - it was part of her Christmas until nearly 90 to go to Tesco and M&S (although we did it on the 22/23, not Christmas Eve)

Original poster
Bookitonlinenextyear · 22/12/2024 12:23

Onlycoffee · 22/12/2024 12:22

Are you his boss?

If DH wants to help his DM then he's "allowed", surely.

this year I am !!! It’s been the last 3 years and I’ve had enough she can get a taxi

OP posts:
Original poster
Bookitonlinenextyear · 22/12/2024 12:24

GreyTS · 22/12/2024 12:23

Honestly, it just seems like this is a nice thing he does with his mum every Xmas eve. Is it really such a big deal to let them have that? I mean obviously it's up to you but I can't imagine making a drama of this

It takes hours and I want us to have Xmas eve as a family

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 22/12/2024 12:24

YABVU. He’s an adult with agency and his own loyalties and a couple of hours with his DM on Christmas Eve is absolutely fine.

AgricolaOrBed · 22/12/2024 12:24

She is his family too. Why can’t they have their own little tradition?

MatildaTheCat · 22/12/2024 12:24

PITA. Can he give her a lift there and tell her to get a cab home?

Cosycover · 22/12/2024 12:24

He will be gone a few hours it's really not a big deal is it?

Spacecowboys · 22/12/2024 12:25

If he takes her first thing, it will leave him free the rest of the day. Most supermarkets will be open really early.

Hoppinggreen · 22/12/2024 12:25

Its annoying but if he wants to do it (or is too chicken to say no) then its up to him

Houseplanter · 22/12/2024 12:26

This reply has been deleted

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jeaux90 · 22/12/2024 12:26

JFC OP. Let him take his mum for a couple of hours first thing in the morning. I say "let" he should just do it. Get a grip.

Original poster
Bookitonlinenextyear · 22/12/2024 12:26

Stillherestillpraying · 22/12/2024 12:23

For a lot of people, especially of her generation, a big part of the Christmas experience is the food shop, choosing things. Clicking on a screen just doesn’t do it. To those youngsters who hate supermarkets they don’t get this, but I am remembering my gran - it was part of her Christmas until nearly 90 to go to Tesco and M&S (although we did it on the 22/23, not Christmas Eve)

It does seem like this she won’t accept anything other than going in person. He has told her we are busy and maybe she can ask SIL but she’s come back with SIL has to work and she wants to go in the morning not after SIL shift but unfortunately that’s going to be her only option

OP posts:
SophiaLaB · 22/12/2024 12:26

Bookitonlinenextyear · 22/12/2024 12:24

It takes hours and I want us to have Xmas eve as a family

Show quote history

He wants to spend some time with his mum, why do your feelings trump his?

Dotto · 22/12/2024 12:26

Why do your wants trump his?

PrioritisePleasure24 · 22/12/2024 12:26

It’s his bloody mum, she is his family. Sorry but i think she should be allowed some time from her son. She won’t be around forever! Christmas eve isn’t a couple of hours long…. you live with him. His kids have plenty time with him. Tuesday is two days away he may feel much better by then. It sounds like it’s you stopping him!

Many online shop orders don’t come with what’s ordered and maybe she just enjoys the festive feel shopping. I hate food shopping in person but some people really enjoyed

Flopsythebunny · 22/12/2024 12:27

Bookitonlinenextyear · 22/12/2024 12:24

It takes hours and I want us to have Xmas eve as a family

Show quote history

She's his family too.
Stop being so controlling

Evaka · 22/12/2024 12:27

Wow, this is very mean spirited. Where's your empathy for an older person who is perhaps lonely and likes doing something festive with her son?

Original poster
Bookitonlinenextyear · 22/12/2024 12:27

We offered to get anything she wants with our shopping she declined.

OP posts:
Jingleberryalltheway · 22/12/2024 12:28

What does DH want to do? Are they’re children involved?

WhateverThen · 22/12/2024 12:28

I get that it’s a bit of a pain but I don’t get why you’re making it such a massive issue. Families require compromise and sometimes doing stuff that isn’t 100% what you want. If he takes her in the morning he’ll be back for lunch and you can do something in the afternoon.

Floralnomad · 22/12/2024 12:28

Christmas Eve is a normal working day for most people , just tell him to get home quicker .

Cattery · 22/12/2024 12:29

It’s lovely that he wants to take her. It’s his mum. Bet she’s not keen on you OP. Just saying…

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 22/12/2024 12:29

He can take her on the 23rd instead, can't be?

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