Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

66 is hardly an old woman! My mum would give you a slap if you said that to her!!

But she is also part of his family!

This really isn't your battle.

This is a conversation between your DH and
MIL.
If DH genuinely doesn't want to help her out then he has to be the one to tell her.
If he relents then he can tell her he can only be x amount of time and stick to it.

She is his family. Let's hope your children don't marry partners like you

@PodgePie ordinarily I'd agree. But if DH dreads it and doesn't want to do it, then he's in the wrong for putting this on OP. It's effectively requiring her to put her foot down and be cast as the wicked DIL. He should tell his mum it doesn't work for him/his family but that he's happy to do X or Y instead. Or if she's determined to be rigid about it then she will have to sort it herself. She's in her 60s, not extremely elderly!

I actually get you. This would annoy me too. You have plans already and he does not enjoy it. Maybe offer the evening of the 23rd (or whatever time that day suits).

No dh has to get there at 930am, (20-30 min drive depending on traffic) have a cup of tea and they have to get to the shops at 10 am. Usually takes 2 hours in the shops then he has to unpack / make lunch etc so it’s a few hours in total

You're joking! I thought she was at least 80. She's younger than me - why doesn't she drive herself to the supermarket?

I thought you were unreasonable until I read that she’s only 66 and she made him do this one year with a 6 day old baby. In that case no you aren’t being unreasonable but that should have been the year he put his foot down and said no.

In this case I would suggest he says to her he can do very early (like 7am) and he has to be back home by 9/10 so he can spend the day with the DC. But she needs to be prepared to make alternate plans if you, him or the dc are still ill.

I am sure his mother did Christmas for him when he was a kid and did her best to make it special. She is his family and it wouldn't kill him to do it for his mother no matter how annoying he finds it. It's once a YEAR and it's only for a couple of hours not like he has to host her or anything, they have the whole rest of Christmas to "do things" without her.

Can you imagine if someone came on here to say that their husband was 'putting their foot down' and not letting them see their own mother on Christmas Eve?

You sound jealous of their relationship, and quite controlling.

And we invited her here and she declined as the dc give her a headache

And that's fine. But it's not ok to guilt trip her ds into doing that too, he has a young family, has been ill and its his Christmas Eve wish to stay at home.

She sounds like an overbearing, guilt tripping nightmare.

The OP has made it quite clear her dh doesn't want to do this again for his DM but feels obliged. Very unfair of the MIL, her need to go and squeeze satsumas for their freshness or whatever mad idea she has in her head do not trump her ds and DIL's wish to have a quiet Christmas Eve at home.

Stick to your guns OP - I think maybe there are a lot of demanding MIL's a bit like yours on this thread who think the world revolves around them!

She’s only 66!!!???? FFS!

I am only a few years younger. She’s being very annoying and difficult. She can go with SIL or go without.

"an old woman at Christmas time" 😂

Violetparis I am 65 and have only just stopped running round after my own elderly parents in their 90s!

66 is NOT old

She taking the pis. Say no

I agree. He should've set a boundary then.

Shes only 66, judging by the responses I think people think she’s much older (it did sound like it). YANBU, you have offered other solutions, if you are busy then he can’t take her.

Although if your DH is going to take her rather than refuse there’s not much you can do.

She's only 66 😂

To me it seems to be a power play so I would put my foot down as it's clear she doesn't like you/wants trouble anyway.

well its a bit unreassonable of her but you can't put your foot down on an adult.

Stick to your guns OP.

FIL was the driver she never learnt and when he passed away the car was sold.

Crikey, imagine if this was a husband telling his wife she couldn’t take her mother out for a few hours, the calls for ltb and get your ducks in a row would be deafening.

I think you're being slightly unreasonable saying you won't let him.

However, overall you're being reasonable. The main takeaway for me is that he doesn't want to. She wants to. He doesn't have to do it because that is what she wants.

In his shoes, I would probably offer to go when the shops open (5am trip to Tesco with my Dad planned for Christmas Eve!) or the evening of the 23rd. If he's well enough, he has young children who want to spend the day doing something festive with their parents. Going early or the night before frees up the day.

He possibly tells you that he has no choice because you kick of about it. If you didn't place these strictures on him then he might be more honest with you and just say that this is what he's doing.

I don't know why you think you can't have Christmas Eve together, all the shops will be closed well before that?

You don't have control of other people, whatever you think. Stamping your feet will just make life miserable for everyone. Let your husband get on with it and try to do that with a good grace.