Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

Really? And leave his Mother to struggle with her shopping at the other end, how mean minded!

There's one problem with that. She'd need to spend time with you.

Exactly I don’t even know if this is a short lived virus or we will all still be feeling awful Xmas eve

@Violetparis old woman??? 6) is not old!!

I posted this before I saw the age.

This is down to your DH. If, as you say, he doesn't want to, then he needs to say "No, sorry mum, I can't take you".

I wouldn't get involved, just get on and do whatever the DC were wanting to do.

Most 66 year olds are still working . Its sounds less about spending time with family ( in fact it sounds like she avoids spending time as a family ) and more about getting her own way . Im with you OP.

Well no. He doesn't want to do it and dreads it every year...

But he should be a big enough boy to say to his mum that it doesn't work for him. He's trying to get OP to be the bad guy because he doesn't want to be cast as a bad boy.

MIL is 66, she can do the shopping perfectly well as far as we know.

@Bookitonlinenextyear a good compromise might be that he can pick her up and take her home; that way she'll have seen him for a little while.

Very unreasonable of you. Are you jealous of their relationship together? Are you not close to your mum.

The last few years he’s helped her put it all away and made her lunch after

Ask him to take her early morning so you can spend Christmas eve asza family.

It’s a few hours.

You’re blowing this wildly out of proportion.

Sounds like she’d miss the trip with her son.

I think you should enjoy and appreciate the evening time with your family and wish your partner and his mum a good shopping trip.

Don’t be grinchy or controlling - she’ll resent you instead of appreciating you.

Do you actually have anything planned for Christmas Eve?

And how does she get her shopping done the rest of the year?

There’s clearly a back story here or you wouldn’t be objecting so much. I’m taking it that you and mother in law have a difficult relationship and you feel she is competition for your DH’s affection.

my question is, does you DH mind? If he’s happy to and you don’t have pre booked plans then I don’t get the stress. Can’t he take her first thing and be home by lunch to spend time with you and the kids. Doesn’t sound as if youve planned anything, just that you feel your DH should be with you and not his mother. He may like to spend this time with his mum as he doesn’t see her Christmas Day. Maybe it’s his way of making up for the fact you won’t take the kids round to hers, maybe he feels guilty about that. Just a thought. Anyway. I think you are being unreasonable about this.

Bastard.

No I was in the care system from 6 years old and I barely remember my bio mum

1. It's a PITA, but something she enjoys doing. I did it once and that was enough, but I enjoyed the high spirits everyone was in.

1. Christmas Eve last for many hours, so you will get time together.

1. His mother is family.

1. He wants to do it, and you'll do yourself no favours trying to control the grown man spending a few hours with his mother.

Not RTFT in its entirety but I’m with you, OP. She’s deliberately being awkward because she wants to force your husband to join her in doing what she wants. It’s selfish, inconsiderate and calculated.

You sound incredibly controlling.

Same here, I thought she was well into her 80s, not 66!

She is only 4yrs older than me, myself and all my friends in our 60s are perfectly able to do our own shopping, even at Christmas, and travel extensively, including to the other side of the world, never mind to the supermarket!

My widowed best friend is flying abroad for Christmas, our mutual friend, also widowed, joining her for New Year. Both flying off alone.

It sounds like your DH needs to stand firm for one year, but whether he will is another matter.

I think your MIL is being extremely annoying but I don't think that you can "not let" your husband take her. It's up to him.
Of course you can moan about it, throw a strop or make his life miserable over it and upset your kids-but that would make you as bad as her.
Best to just chill and work round it.
He might get irritated with her himself if he goes and she faffs about.
How old is she?

Get her to get a taxi there then she can call your dh when she is finished to collect her and drop her home then come straight back.

or just say no. Let sil do it

On our wedding day she got drunk and told me I’d taken her son away from her ! He’s the youngest and has 2 older sisters but one lives in Australia I think that hit her hard and then we met and got married and she wasn’t happy. She has always been hostile towards me

Going against the grain I think yanbu.

It's very selfish of his mum to drag him out every Christmas Eve to the shops when he doesn't want to do it.

You have offered alternatives so that she can still get her shopping, but that doesn't suit her.

My dh would usually be working, but if he wasn't he would want to spend the day with the dc not ferrying anyone round the shops.

People are saying that you are trying to control your husband, but that's exactly what his mum is doing. He doesn't want to go and she's orchestrated a situation where he's forced into it.