Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

He doesn’t want to. He feels he has no choice he dreads it. For the last 3 years it’s been the same situation and it takes hours. From him picking her up and then going shopping and helping her unpack and put away it’s the whole morning gone. This year I just want to do something as a family. We’ve offered her alternative options to get her shopping. It’s SIL turn as far as I’m concerned

YABU. She's his mum. Don't be a scrooge.

It’s ironic that you want to spend Xmas eve as a family but are trying to somehow imply that by spending time with his own mother is a unreasonable thing

Xmas is about various things - you are not being very charitable or understanding towards this woman!

On Xmas eve and the dc want to do things

You sound a bit nasty. If my DH told me what I was and wasn't "allowed" to do with my own parents we'd have sharp words.

I hope my son marries someone nicer than you OP. She's his mum, it's Christmas, and he's a grown man who is allowed to make his own decisions.

You’re being really mean. When I hear things like this I think you won’t understand until you’re in her shoes, lonely and elderly and your son/daughter in law treats you badly and won’t let your child visit you. Karma will teach you but by then it’s too late. It’s not at all about the food for her. It’s about being with her son and clearly the food shop is more pleasant for her than visiting yours. What is she doing Christmas Day? When were you planning to see her and let her see the grandkids?

I hear you. Supermarkets on Christmas Eve are the third circle of hell so really not a lovely bonding experience for DH and MIL. More to the point though it sounds like you and DH are still pretty unwell. DH travelling in a car with MIL and infection risk would be the reason to veto for me.

We have we literally offered to add her bits to our delivery on the 23 rd we said if we are better she can come here on Xmas eve see the dc etc then be dropped home with her shopping after ??!! She said no !

She wants to do the shopping and spend time with her son.

You don’t like the woman and want everything to go your own way.

Get him to take the kids as well.

You will then have some lovely free time on your own, and that is a priceless commodity on Christmas Eve.

I think a lot of older people are lonely, even if they have family, and enjoy the hustle and bustle of a crowded supermarket just before Christmas.
It is my idea of hell, but my late mum loved it.
And without being too blunt I’d give anything to be sitting in the queue to get in and out of our M&S car park with her this year, but she’s not here to do
that with.
It is also clearly a chance for her to spend time with her son. Let her have it.
You will have plenty of time with each other.
She shouldn’t be shoved in taxis even if it’s a bit of a nuisance, because it’s not just about the shopping.
And it’s good for your children to see their dad helping his own mum out.

Does he have to put up his hand to go to the loo, too?

I can understand you wanting him around on Christmas Eve but seeing as you opened with 'to not let dh' and went on to tell him 'catergorically no' you lost my sympathy.
It's up to him.

If he doesn't want to then it's his job to make that clear and work out a suitable alternative. If he's too cowardly to do that then he's going to have to keep doing it, isn't he?

Why can't he say, mum, Christmas eve doesn't work for me/us this year. I can do it on the 23rd though.

YABVU.
While taking someone shopping on the 24th is my idea of hell, it's not up to me to tell others, including my relatives, not to.

How old is she ? I dont think your being unreasonable - she is . You told her yous had plans and offered and alternative . Your husband doesn't want to take her but feels he has to because she's basically demanding she gets her own way . You offered to get her shopping and she could go in the afternoon with her daughter - lots of perfectly good alternatives . Its a hill i would die on myself !

She doesn't like online shopping and prefers to do it her way! Imagine!

Maybe think ahead some years when you might want to see your child on Christmas Eve and have them spend a couple of hours with you.

She hasn’t stopped being his mother, even though you and your family come first now. Lots of people aren’t keen on online shopping and like to see what they’re buying. You only have to look at the substitutes threads to know it’s not foolproof.

It’s a real shame and mean spirited to begrudge him a couple of hours with his mum. I hope you aren’t made to feel a nuisance in the future.

100 per cent. My son’s gf wouldn’t bat an eyelid. How men treat their mother is how they treat their wife

Are you hosting MIL on Christmas day too? Are you beinh hosted by her? This makes a difference.

C'mon OP. This is your DH mother.

I am sure you will be quite alright if he isn't with you every hour of Christmas Eve. Good grief this is super controlling behaviour.

I don't do online shopping either. And I am not even that old. It's a preference.
Not everyone has to prefer to do things your way.

Well you can't really stop him but I would find it annoying as there are much better ways to spend time off than in a heaving supermarket. It's not really quality mum and son time. I would ask her to compromise and shop a different day as Christmas eve is special when you have smaller children.

How is it that @Bookitonlinenextyear is 'so unpleasant' when she's given so many options that mil has declined?
Mil wants to go in the afternoon, not the morning, and it takes hours. How many of you would like their Christmas Eve plans with the kids derailed every bloody year, because one member of the family insisting on having their own way?
What is it with the martydom I'm reading on here these last few days??