Not to let dh take MIL food shopping on Xmas eve

[Bookitonlinenextyear]

Every year we prompt MIL about what a good idea it would be to book an online delivery. Every year she says ‘oh no - I like to pick my own fresh things the day before!’
Every year she then asks dh to take her. It takes AGES because she wants to look at everything and chat to everyone. It takes Dh away from me and the dc on Xmas eve and I find it irritating.

This year it’s been no different we told her please book an online delivery as we have plans this year we can’t take you shopping. She didn’t.
We offered to add anything she needed to our delivery due on 23rd. Not good enough, she as usual wants to pick her own things.

We have all come down with an awful cold/flu and she’s called dh to try to arrange to
go food shopping on Tuesday !!!! He is saying he feels he has to I’ve told him categorically no. That he can’t as if we aren’t all better I just want to rest and if we are all better I want to do something with the dc. She can get a taxi. AIBU to put my foot down ?

On Xmas day she always has SIL at hers they have Xmas day together as she likes a quiet day then dh goes to see her Boxing Day for a bit. I can’t take the dc there as she has 4 cats and they are allergic as am I. We invite her here a lot but she says the dc are too boisterous and noisy and it gives her headaches.

Ultimately it’s up to your DH. You can put your side forward but it’s not your place to tell him he categorically ‘can’t’.

if you’re well enough then plan your Christmas Eve without him for a couple of hours. It’s not a huge inconvenience.

I’m another one wondering how MIL fits into the families schedule over Christmas more generally? ETA - cross posted

"It's up to him"

No it isn't. He's doing what his mum tells him to do.

She'd like to pick her own foods and she'd like to be sure to have it, rather than being caught out at the last minute with missing items/substitutions. She probably also enjoys having that time with her son. I think that's fair enough.

I don't see why it can't be done on the evening of the 23rd if it's not convenient during the day.

Of course if she declines that option too then it might be fair for SIL to do it instead.

She’s 66

It's pretty clear from your posts that you're not particularly fond of your MIL, however your DH is an adult and (I assume!) capable of making his own choices and decisions.

Yeah but she doesn’t have to do what you want her to do - he’s her son and he wants to do it

If you want to organise things the day is long so just do it when he is back

OP said he doesn't want to do it

I'm really surprised by a lot of the comments on this thread.

I am totally with you OP.

This. Maybe she wants time with him. A couple of hours won't kill you.

God, have a bit of kindness and empathy with an old woman at Christmas time. It will be you one day, doing things in an old fashioned way. It will take a few hours out of your husband's Christmas Eve, not the whole day and evening.

Can't he just drop
Her off ? Must be so stresssful being in a supermarket on Xmas eve let alone the car park!🤦‍♀️

I think he should be able to take his mum Christmas shopping on Christmas eve if he wants to. Sure it's not an all day thing and there would still be time for other plans for you all to do. I think it's sad that it's looked upon as a bad thing for a son to help his mum on Christmas eve!

"Let"?

I’m glad you’re not my daughter-in-law. I doubt it’s her grandkids that stops her wanting to come to your place over Christmas.

Old woman? Old woman?

She's 66. Hardly old. I'm running around after my own mother at older than that!

Agreed. If anyone is controlling its the mother in law.

‘Let’ him go, but make him take the kids with him. You get a quiet couple of kid-free hours to have a bath and chill, they get to ‘enjoy’ some quality time with the overexcited darlings. Arf!

I feel I need to put my foot down and say no. That this year we need to put the dc first not his mothers wants as we have for the past 3 years (and one of those years I had a 6 day old baby and was struggling)

He shouldn't be taking her anyway if he is ill with cold/flu. I imagine the other shoppers would rather somebody contagious wasn't spending ages in the supermarket.

66 ? Why does she need him? I am 63 and quite capable ( and it’s not a ‘generation’ thing - I am picking up my online shop today. Gives me time if something’s missing)

That said, it’s not for you to ‘put your foot down’ like a stampy toddler. If your DH doesn’t want to take her, he needs to say no. But it could be that he’s ok with taking her and just doesn’t want to get into it with you.

Either way, it’s for him to decide.

66!!! I thought you would say 86!! Just a bit older than me. I would never expect my dcs to do this for me!! I either take myself or order it in.

My friend is the same age as me and cares for her 91 year old mother - even her mother accepts on-line shopping. Why does he have to unpack at her house - does she have mobility problems?

It’s not much better ‘doing what @Bookitonlinenextyear tells him to’ either is it? He can choose based on his knowledge and relationship with each individual.

tbh I wouldn’t blame him for fucking off with the kids to do something and let both of them stew.

I want, I want, I want ...

And if he goes anyway?