To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

[Toddlertantrums222]

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

Of course you can't do that.

You are being incredibly unreasonable.

I think you know you can't. Although you have already 🤷‍♀️

No I don’t think you can do that OP, sorry

No. You can't ask that.

If they were in sole charge of your child then fair enough. They're not, you'll be there.

You are obviously being unreasonable. If they were babysitting I'd sort of understand, but no, you can't tell them not to drink, either go and take care of your child, or if they are that aggressive don't go.

You can’t dictate what others do in their own house.

you stay sober - you watch your son .

let them enjoy Christmas how they chose.

if being around alcohol is such a problem - don’t go.

Either your family are full of problem drinkers (in which case I would go low/no contact and join al-anon)

Or

YABVVVVVVVVU

Don’t be ridiculous op! I’m afraid I’d refuse to comply on principle - you can’t ask this of people it will just get backs up for no good reason. You stay sober, it’s your child. You may need to reconsider going if you really can’t bear people drinking.

From what you say, it sounds like they have a history of drunken aggression, so actually I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Utterly ridiculous and unreasonable request.

Your house - your rules.

Their house - their rules.

YABVVVVU, sorry.

Would your parents and siblings realistically be drinking from 11am and be very drunk by 6pm? It is Christmas Day so I would be wanting a glass of Buck’s Fizz for breakfast, a bit more bubbly at canapé time etc etc. Also a glass of wine with Christmas dinner at 3pm. I wouldn’t be drunk after all this and wouldn’t be happy about having to put a stop to it all for the sake of one child! But then there is no one in my family who would make a scene or take it to excess before 6pm.

i think you are being unreasonable, unless your family have a history of alcoholism, or fighting when drunk.

I very much doubt your toddler will notice anyone drinking given they are generally oblivious and will have so much other stuff distracting them on Christmas Day.

Exactly this. You are being very unreasonable.

No of course you can't, You can choose not to stay there of course.

That's perfectly reasonable if they are looking after him, but you will be!! You can't tell people they can't drink in their own home at Christmas, are they not allowed some with Christmas dinner? Are they actually aggressive? If so that's the problem and I wouldn't be going there for Christmas, or is this just a weird PFB thing.

Main character syndrome.

This is ridiculous.

Your job is to safeguard your own toddler, no-one elses.
You really can't dictate what other people do in their own home whether it's Christmas or not! If they are really likely to be that drunk and argumentative by 6pm... don't go!

You have made yourself look like a pratt, you cannot dictate what people do. And it’s not safeguarding concern, you ought to educate yourself on that one, and on common sense at the same time.

The issue of someone drinking and babysitting is different to the set up at Christmas where you will be with your child and so the others won’t be primarily responsible for him. It sounds like there are issues if you’re worrying about arguments etc but I still think it’s unreasonable to make that request.

Yes you are being unreasonable, it's Christmas and people like a drink. As long as you don't drink and are watching your child the whole time I don't see the issue. If people start arguing and you don't like the situation, remove yourself and your child from the room.

Dont stay there OP if it is an issue for you, you cant ask people not to drink in their own home.

Yes you are unreasonable.

You are there to look after your son and if you dont want him around alcohol then you should stay home.

You cant dictate what others do on their Christmas day in their own home

I’d tell you not to bother coming if you tried to dictate what I did in my own home: you’re responsible for your child so you stay sober but I’d not be impressed at it being forced on me!

You can't ask them not to drink in their own home. If they have form for being drunk and aggressive then just don't go.