To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

[Toddlertantrums222]

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

I'd be uninviting you.

🤯

Yeah, maybe you are right. I know it’s a bit OTT to ask someone that, I knew that when I sent the message.
I guess I was just coming from a place of really wanting to have a lovely Christmas with my son and family, and I know if people stuck to this rule we would have a great time. It’s not even every family member, mainly just one who gets like this; but I sent the message to everyone so that they didn’t feel singled out.

How long do you take on the toilet 🤣

I can’t imagine a toddler being able to understand the context of an argument or noticing

Mmmm I think I'd be one of those didn't reply as well

Cos I'd be thinking that no one should be policing me!!

There's nothing wrong with just a couple of Bucks Fizzes, but you can't expect to tell a grown adult what they can or can't do. If you don't like being around drinkers, or don't like a certain person's behaviour while drunk, then it's on you to keep away, not demand other people change their behaviour.

The real issue here is that you are apparently going somewhere where in the time it takes to have a wee, a fight could have broken out? If you really do think that is a plausible scenario then I would be looking to spend Christmas elsewhere. I've had some heated family arguments over a game of Christmas charades, but nothing my toddler couldn't happily sit through

I don't drink and think you are incredibly unreasonable. If you don't want your child around that atmosphere don't take them. I'm surprised you haven't been uninvited

No-one needs to be wasted do they? I agree with that.

But that doesn't mean the OP isn't being unreasonable to accept an invitation to a home where people do get wasted, and then start dictating.

No matter what your views on alcohol are, surely you can see that's unreasonable?

No, you would have a lovely Christmas, not everyone.

Just msg them and apologise and say you misspoke or it’s going to be awkward. It might be awkward anyway now tbh.

My reply would have been "if you have an issue with us drinking in our own home then maybe its better you don't come. Sorry."

If they're that bad after a few drinks, don't go.

Solely depends on their consumption and behaviour. Couple of glasses of wine with lunch and then move onto coffee seems fine. Constant drinking, argumentative, belligerent not ok. Sounds like your relatives have form for the latter. Yoyr house your rules. If they don’t like it they can stay home.

Utterly unrealistic. This is why (amongst other reasons) that I point blank refuse to stay with my mother.

Err, perhaps their idea of having a lovely Christmas is having a drink during the day!

YABU.

Well clearly if they are drinkers and you’re dictating to them that they can’t drink, they are unlikely to have a great time. They are probably now wondering who the heck you think you are laying down the law. If you don’t like the set up then just don’t go. It’s not compulsory.

You can't control their drinking but you can control your own choices - if you know the atmosphere will turn bad or get too loud etc then you don't need to stay there. Either don't go at all or just stay a few hours and leave before they get loud and confrontational.

Also, leaving is not an easy option they are 4 hours drive from me. If they lived more locally I’d feel less anxious about it.

I'd be telling you to get fucked I'm afraid. In a polite way of course.

Their silence means you have pissed them off ! Surely you can see that !

Obviously you can't. Wow!

She’s not expecting them to watch her child this time, but she is concerned about the behaviour and atmosphere that her family create when drinking.
I don’t like my brother drinking, he becomes argumentative easily, and it make me
worried having the kids there, he loves them and can be great fun, but if he has a few drinks he will often pick fights with me or other adults and that isn’t nice for my kids to see, maybe op has similar concerns, and it’s not because of alcohol in general.

If you’d tried that with me I’d have told you to FRO. I barely drink, but I will not be dictated to in my own home.

So don't go.

If people are this drunk and violent you shouldn’t be going to their house for Christmas Day