To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

[Toddlertantrums222]

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

Whilst I don’t think you can ask people not to drink in their own house, i completely understand why you feel the way you do @Toddlertantrums222
Drunk adults around children is cringe-making at best and inappropriate or even scary at worst. It also creates a really weird atmosphere for anyone not getting drunk.
Hope it goes well for you and your little one.

It sounds llike they're all bad drunks so Christmas just isn't that great if everyone gets hammered. Don't blame you for wanting to change that dynamic, whether it's for your son or just yourself. But you can't really insist people don't drink in their own home. Good luck and hope it's lovely (and relatively sober, with no fights!).

I do think YABU but I do understand where you’re coming from, too.

It's not the alcohol , it's the people you're drinking with. I completely understand. My brother and his side of the family and their friends like to get good and pissed nice and early at children's birthday parties for example.

Just don't go if you think it will turn nasty. My brother used to start on me every single time, creating arguments out of nothing when he was drunk. I stopped attending before I had my son, I certainly wouldn't take him to one of their gatherings.
If you do go make sure you have an exit strategy

Then the OP doesn't go. It's still unreasonable.

If it's just one person maybe you could ask for family backup in having an open and honest chat with them about it . It'll be affecting all their relationships.

@katter Of course it. Anxiety is absolutely a mental health matter

Chronic anxiety is a mental health problem. Anxiety in and of itself is a normal human emotion. It's entirely reasonable to be anxious about being around aggressive drunks.

Well said. I wish people would understand this there is a significant difference

This.
Exactly.

"Forbidding" people from having wine with lunch in their own home is a completely out of proportion response to one family member becoming obnoxious when they drink.

You don't know much about problem drinkers if you're relieved by this. Words don't mean anything unless they actually follow through.
I hope for your sake they do, but I wouldn't be counting on it.

What @Rainingandlookslikeitwillneverstop Said.

Stay sober and look after your own.
Let others do as they wish.