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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

413 replies

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:23

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 20:31

UndeniablyGenX · 21/12/2024 20:28

From what you say, it sounds like they have a history of drunken aggression, so actually I don't think you're being unreasonable.

If their behaviour is that bad, OP should keep her child at home, surely?

Brownbottle · 21/12/2024 20:31

Generally speaking (for example with my own family) I’d say I’d be very unreasonable. However my family don’t act aggressive or cause arguments etc when they’ve had a drink. Either way I would probably say you can’t dictate what they do but I would be prepared to leave if anything happened to make you feel uncomfortable with baby (eg loud arguments, fights, being rowdy etc) - that is totally up to you

Tubetrain · 21/12/2024 20:31

If they get aggressive when drunk then I wouldn't go. You can't dictate terms in someone else's house.

Margorett · 21/12/2024 20:31

You dont get to say what others do, when its not you're home. If you want things your way - stay at home, oh and btw I am a non drinker, before you say I must need alcohol.

HPandthelastwish · 21/12/2024 20:31

You can't dictate, same as if they smoked inside. It would be on you to remove the children to a different room or not to go there at all and possibly invite them to yours where you could enforce a no drinking and smoking rule.

I've never smoked / vaped and never drank when sole looking after DD. But it still stands that you can't control other people's environments.

Mum2jenny · 21/12/2024 20:32

Absolutely ridiculous choice. Most normal ppl enjoy the odd drink over the festive season.
Your toddler will not know or care what adult individuals drink or not drink,

mindutopia · 21/12/2024 20:32

I think this is a you issue and you need to walk with your feet rather than asking people to change their otherwise fairly reasonable behaviour.

I’m a recovering alcoholic and even I would never dream of asking people to not drink alcohol in their own home around me or my dc. If I felt it was going to be an issue and my dc would be unsafe or I would feel uncomfortable, I would put a boundary in place and make alternative plans. Drunk people do annoy me, but I just up and leave if they get particularly obnoxious.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 21/12/2024 20:32

Margorett · 21/12/2024 20:31

You dont get to say what others do, when its not you're home. If you want things your way - stay at home, oh and btw I am a non drinker, before you say I must need alcohol.

I too, am a non drinker and think OP is mental.

I actually think this is a reverse. I’m not sure a genuine poster would have worded the title like that.

isaidwhatisaidandimeantwhatisaid · 21/12/2024 20:33

You're absolutely beyond unreasonable.

If they were babysitting then fine but even then you cannot insist they abstain entirely! You can instead choose not to let them babysit.

But they're not babysitting. You're there, he's your responsibility. If you don't like how people are behaving, then you're free to leave, surely?

I actually don't like drunk people around my children either and if people started being noticeably under the influence, slurry, loud, repetitive etc, then I'd take mine home as it makes me really uncomfortable. But there's a world of difference between having a couple, and being roaring drunk and belligerent.
You cannot dictate to people in their own home like this.

I'm not a heavy drinker, but I like a few drinks over Christmas. If I received your message I'd be astonished to be honest and tell you not to be so bloody ridiculous and entitled.

Dearg · 21/12/2024 20:34

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 21/12/2024 20:32

I too, am a non drinker and think OP is mental.

I actually think this is a reverse. I’m not sure a genuine poster would have worded the title like that.

Show quote history

Good point. Either way the person doing the asking is overstepping.

BarbaraHoward · 21/12/2024 20:35

No, that's not a reasonable ask.

If your family are prone to aggression then you need to consider how much you want your toddler around them.

AspirationalTallskinnylatte · 21/12/2024 20:35

I'm calling reverse.
Noone is thinking this is reasonable.

Pinkissmart · 21/12/2024 20:37

No one can be this entitled. Oh my word .

OneTC · 21/12/2024 20:37

I'd tell you not to come tbh

Original poster
Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:39

I’ve been told!

my issue isn’t with alcohol in general, I have friends who are welcome to come to my house and drink because they don’t go overboard and are the ‘funny drunks.’ Certain family members have history of being aggressive when drunk and having bad moods, which I’m almost certain my son would pick up on and I don’t want him exposed to. They are absolutely fine when sober tho that’s why ideally I’d prefer they are sober around him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:40

And of course I am not expecting anyone to baby sit but it’s a big house and if for example I need to use the toliet, I want to be able to do so without worrying that I will walk back in the room to an argument/ or people being rude to one another.

OP posts:
LetsNCagain · 21/12/2024 20:43

Don't take your son to soend time with frightening, aggressive people.

Maybe people will disagree but I don't think alcohol makes certain people aggressive. Those people already are aggressive and the alcohol just removes their self restraint. Even if they abstain from alcohol, something else could remove their self restraint (for example, your son might annoy them by doing an ordinary childish thing). So they're just not good companions for a small child.

I'm thinking of relatives I used to dread seeing as a child myself

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 20:44

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:39

I’ve been told!

my issue isn’t with alcohol in general, I have friends who are welcome to come to my house and drink because they don’t go overboard and are the ‘funny drunks.’ Certain family members have history of being aggressive when drunk and having bad moods, which I’m almost certain my son would pick up on and I don’t want him exposed to. They are absolutely fine when sober tho that’s why ideally I’d prefer they are sober around him.

So stay home and keep your child away from abusive drunks. You can't tell other people what to do in their own home.

MyBirthdayMonth · 21/12/2024 20:45

Ridiculous.

Pancakeflipper · 21/12/2024 20:45

They'll.proably be rude/aggressive without alcohol. So best you don't go.

Mum2jenny · 21/12/2024 20:45

OP just bin the ppl that are pissing you off. Most normal ppl are ok

Balancedcitizen101 · 21/12/2024 20:46

I'm the 3% that think you are not being unreasonable. Ok I'm teetotal so maybe not impartial but lots of people are the opposite so not really impartial themselves either. Yes it's their house. Yes they invited her. But why does everyone need to be wasted before 6pm everyday? What's wrong with 1/2 bucks fizzes and that's it until 6? She said Xmas day they can do what they want. Do what's right for you and your son, not borderline binge drinkers.

FoxtonFoxton · 21/12/2024 20:47

Don't be silly. You'll be there -sober- to supervise your son. You can choose not to go or to leave if you don't like the way things are going. I don't drink at all and haven't for years, but I wouldn't tell others what they can do, especially not in their own home at a party.

Dobbythechristmaself · 21/12/2024 20:48

Honestly OP, what on earth has made you think this is a reasonable request. Do you usually get to dictate things like this?

ShortyShorts · 21/12/2024 20:48

Bless you, even if this is your first DC you must know you can't accept an invitation and then start calling the shots regarding what they do in their own home.

Either do the hosting and then you can make the rules, or have a nice chilled Xmas with just you and your child.