Mother in law thinks formula is poison

[curiouslycoy]

I am now combi feeding my 12 week old.

Have to face mother in law next week and DH suggested we just sneak around hiding formula and making it upstairs out of view pretending I am feeding up there.

I am at the point where I don't see why I should have to, it's my baby, my decision but I know it's going to go down like a lead balloon.

We have another DC and last time we did sneak around with formula as only 2 feeds over night were foruma, but this time it's also one morning feed and one afternoon feed.

I didn't continue EBF for a number of reasons and am much, much happier as a result.

How do I handle this? She is mid 70s incredibly old fashioned views and makes no secret of how much she hates it. Borderline refused to ever look after DC1 as couldn't bring herself to prepare formula.....

No mum wants to be judged and I know I will be and by her much older daughter whose children are grown up but breastfed her DCs until they were over 1.

For the record DC1 was almost EBF for 12 weeks with supplement of formula towards the end, then was combi fed until 5 months before EFF.

DC2 was EBF for 7 weeks then the 10/11pm feed became formula followed by 5/6pm feed and now 10am feed. BF at 7am, 2pm and 4am.

I intend to keep up at least 1 BF feed until DC is 5 months like DC1.

How do I handle this? Give my list of excuses, sneak around or just say it's my choice and shut it down. Any other suggestions? Or AIBU to even combi feed my baby who is still so young in any case?

I wouldn't be sneaking around and forumla feeding in secret for anyone! It's your baby, do what you feel is best and tell MIL to keep her opinions to herself.

This. It’s none of her business.

You are mum. You feed your baby in whatever way you feel best. You shouldn't have to justify your choices.

And don't you dare hid upstairs!

Feed your baby however you choose. If anything is said, tell them to mind their own business.

DH tells them that if there is any judgement or criticism then they can leave.

Crikey, what a PITA she sounds, someone needs to post that sign that says 'Magic spell for dealing with unwanted opinions - tell them to fuck off'.

Your husband should be stepping up and telling his mother to butt out. Your baby, your business. You have a husband problem.

Ignore.

My mil was against BF always insisting to give cooled boiled water and formula so I knew how much dc was getting. My womb had grown that baby for 8 months but there was no way on earth BF could sustain their life going forward.

Feeding your child is another thing women are crucified for. Ignore everyone. Do what works for you. There is no right or wrong or better method. There's no golden standard. Happy mum and baby is the golden standard. That's it

Fuck sake it’s your child nothing to do with her .Sneaking around your adults not 12 yr olds

You tell her to get back in her box.

I’ll come round and explain the situation to her if you like OP

I have a lot of pent up rage from similar criticisms, so would find it quite cathartic.

The absolute worst part of parenting is people criticising you because you aren’t doing things exactly the way they did.

Don't sneak around and make excuses. Formula feeding isn't shameful. If she tries to get into a discussion and voices her disapproval just tell her that this is what works for you and baby and shut down the conversation.

It's none of her business and her generation were actually more likely to formula feed (or give watered down tinned milk). Plus they started solids at 3/4 months and that was mostly a sugary rusk !
So (politely) tell her to mind her beeswax and f off.

This. None of her business. I'd tell her once that it's your baby and you will choose to feed them how you see fit. If she pushed the issue, I'd be inviting her to leave your house. Under no circumstances would I be hiding in my own house.

She’s mad

Don’t sneak around - be open about it. DH’s job is to 100% have your back and squash any remarks immediately. He also needs to be the one feeding the baby in front of them some of the time.

I mean how convenient his plan would involve you doing all the feeding by pretending to bf.

I combi fed my second too - partly because he started off with tongue tie and it was needed at that point, but even after it was snipped we carried on with a bit of combo so that exh could do some feeds, and I could spend time with DC1 more easily.

DC1 had to go on to high calorie formula from about 3 months as she was unwell.

No sneaking, no hiding and if she mentions it just cut the conversation short. "I'm well aware of your opinion, however it's mine and DHs decision and we're happy with using formula. I won't be discussing this with you again." then just "No, as I said, I won't be discussing this with you." Move on and do not engage past that. She'll either give up or it will be a quiet visit with very little conversation.

This! And I breastfed my daughter till she was 6, she never had formula at all - but I don't use that as an excuse to judge any parent or the decisions they made for their family.

You're not doing anything that needs to be hidden or lied about - if I were you, I'd try to get your DH on board with that opinion.

My MIL was the opposite though - quite anti bf. I think it stemmed from her eldest two being adopted as babies, and obviously she couldn’t bf them - then my exh has a severe tongue tie which you can still see today - but he won’t admit it!

If she can't be supportive, she doesn't get to see yous.

She can meet your husband and discuss what he eats if she wants. I'm sure he eats only organic etc. Or is he still on the boob?

A fed baby with a mentally well mum are blessings. And she's not entitled to yous.

God lord I wouldn't even bother going!

I think you need to re read your own post.

A family member is a) making you feel uncomfortable in your own home b) telling you how to feed your baby c) not considering your feelings.

Your husband needs to shut this down. A simple ' we don't want advice about feeding' on repeat.

I absolutely have no idea why people insist on telling others what they should be doing.

Enjoy your baby and don't ever let anyone make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.

YES!

I would be very bet firm that there will bed no sneaking

The child (your H) needs to start the umbilical cord

Don't start trying to appease her nonsense, if you do it will only get worse, and she will expect to be be able to say what school the child should go to etc etc

I put firm boundaries in very early with my MIL, she is a very strong personality with strong opinions (eg any children in the family should go to private school), my kids are adults now, I did things my and DH way (eg state school) , and I have a really fab relationship with her, as equals. Sadly she bosses my SILs s bit as their DHs are all about appeasing mum

But I needed my DH on board with that, from the beginning, and have my back

Talk to your DH

Sneaking around shows a lack in maturity on his part

Do NOT sneak around as though you are ashamed and embarassed. This is your baby, not hers and and it is entirely your and your DH's decision how to feed your baby. It is absolutely none of her business. Feed your baby how you want and if she makes rude or judgemental comments, make it clear that if she does this, you will stop seeing her.

Both your children have had the advantages of being EBF for 12 weeks and 7 weeks respectively and your baby is still having breast mild as well as formula. Your needs and wellbeing are equally important.

Honestly you and your husband sound like a couple of teenagers.

Stand up to her.

How and why do grown up adults allow their lives to be dictated by others.