Mother in law thinks formula is poison

[curiouslycoy]

I am now combi feeding my 12 week old.

Have to face mother in law next week and DH suggested we just sneak around hiding formula and making it upstairs out of view pretending I am feeding up there.

I am at the point where I don't see why I should have to, it's my baby, my decision but I know it's going to go down like a lead balloon.

We have another DC and last time we did sneak around with formula as only 2 feeds over night were foruma, but this time it's also one morning feed and one afternoon feed.

I didn't continue EBF for a number of reasons and am much, much happier as a result.

How do I handle this? She is mid 70s incredibly old fashioned views and makes no secret of how much she hates it. Borderline refused to ever look after DC1 as couldn't bring herself to prepare formula.....

No mum wants to be judged and I know I will be and by her much older daughter whose children are grown up but breastfed her DCs until they were over 1.

For the record DC1 was almost EBF for 12 weeks with supplement of formula towards the end, then was combi fed until 5 months before EFF.

DC2 was EBF for 7 weeks then the 10/11pm feed became formula followed by 5/6pm feed and now 10am feed. BF at 7am, 2pm and 4am.

I intend to keep up at least 1 BF feed until DC is 5 months like DC1.

How do I handle this? Give my list of excuses, sneak around or just say it's my choice and shut it down. Any other suggestions? Or AIBU to even combi feed my baby who is still so young in any case?

I don't need your spammy links nor do I need to 'get started' on your nonsense thanks! ☺️ All of his colleagues agreed as did DD's doctors so I'll stick with their professional opinion thanks!

Well they're wrong 😊

But we are not talking about pre WW2 here; the MiL is 75 so born in 1950 and unlikely to have had children until the early 70s

@Pottedpalm yes by the 70s the tinned would have gone out of favour. The 60s not so much.
Many women follow what their mothers and grandmothers have done before.

She barely looked at your baby because you gave them formula? If that was my MIL she'd have been lucky to see them for a while. Do not sneak around. You have to advocate for your child, own your own decisions and be a fully grown adult. Now's a good time to start making sure she knows you're not a child to be dictated to or treated badly for making am perfectly reasonable decision on how to feed YOUR baby.

Your husband needs to talk to her before, and tell her in no uncertain terms is she to even mention it unless it's something positive.

Formula is a miraculous invention which has saved millions of babies. My mother was like your mil but my baby needed formula to not die, so we fed him. I think the all or nothing approach really screws up breastfeeding for so many women. Combi feeding is fantastic and should be celebrated. Sorry you’re going through this

Absolutely. And he needs to shut down any comments/eye rolling and tell her she and her shitty comments are not welcome.

I’ve written about this on here before, a family member was told by her midwife that her ds was getting enough ebf, baby was so dehydrated he had a stroke. Midwife has been struck off, child has just gone to secondary. He will have lifelong issues. Ebf does not necessarily work for everyone and I don’t think anyone should be giving opinions on others. I wouldn’t irl.

She can keep your opinions to yourself and button your lip. She’s already made her unwanted opinion clear last time, no need for it to be voiced again. You certainly shouldn’t be sneaking around in your own house, or anywhere else for that matter!

"MIL I appreciate that you have an opinion but your unsolicited advice is not required. It's not anyone's business how I choose to feed the baby I have given birth to. You think formula is poison, I completely disagree. Kindly change the subject because I refuse to debate any parenting decisions with you going forward - my decision has been made and it is final. Should you continue on this topic then we will be forced to leave and take an extended break from visiting again"

Why on earth is he (and you!) enabling his mother's ridiculousness and not telling her to get lost. I would be fuming. Absolutely do not sneak around - how dare she make you feel you have to do so in your own home. At a minimum your partner should be telling her in no uncertain terms that it is none of her business, the only person it concerns how your baby is fed is that baby's parents. Both of you should be very clear with her that if she is to comment on how your baby is fed at all then she is not welcome. And mean it. If she mentions it you state dead pan voice that you are not discussing it and she needs to stop or she is welcome to leave. And if she continues - again - follow through and remind her you have already told her and for her to go.

Tell her if she feels so strongly she is welcome to bf dc herself... oh wait, she can't!

Just say to her " this is my child, and this is how I choose to feed her. You had your child, and you chose how to feed them. Please stop now"