Mother in law thinks formula is poison

[curiouslycoy]

I am now combi feeding my 12 week old.

Have to face mother in law next week and DH suggested we just sneak around hiding formula and making it upstairs out of view pretending I am feeding up there.

I am at the point where I don't see why I should have to, it's my baby, my decision but I know it's going to go down like a lead balloon.

We have another DC and last time we did sneak around with formula as only 2 feeds over night were foruma, but this time it's also one morning feed and one afternoon feed.

I didn't continue EBF for a number of reasons and am much, much happier as a result.

How do I handle this? She is mid 70s incredibly old fashioned views and makes no secret of how much she hates it. Borderline refused to ever look after DC1 as couldn't bring herself to prepare formula.....

No mum wants to be judged and I know I will be and by her much older daughter whose children are grown up but breastfed her DCs until they were over 1.

For the record DC1 was almost EBF for 12 weeks with supplement of formula towards the end, then was combi fed until 5 months before EFF.

DC2 was EBF for 7 weeks then the 10/11pm feed became formula followed by 5/6pm feed and now 10am feed. BF at 7am, 2pm and 4am.

I intend to keep up at least 1 BF feed until DC is 5 months like DC1.

How do I handle this? Give my list of excuses, sneak around or just say it's my choice and shut it down. Any other suggestions? Or AIBU to even combi feed my baby who is still so young in any case?

Feeding baby rice was definitely advised before six months if baby was deemed to be ‘hungry’ ( but raw eggs? Really??). Mothers followed the advice of professionals, as mothers do now. Advice changes and maybe by the time the current generation of mothers become the reviled MiL, current ideas will be laughed at.
However, the feeding of watered down tinned milk wasn’t normal practice at all.

https://www.bounty.com/baby-0-to-12-months/weaning/ask-the-experts/weaning-through-the-ages

Late 60s/early 70s and yes that did include raw egg yolk! Evaporated milk was just beginning to be replaced by formula and breast feeding was discouraged. My mother looked on in bewilderment at the trauma I put myself through trying to BF- and the guilt mongering in society.

I am enraged reading this! Tell the old cow to mind her Trouble is being beholden to he for childcare. Is that still the case?x

@Flann3l I agree with you. My grandmother had her first in 1948 and her last baby in 1968 and used to be utterly horrified at the stress new mums used to be put under with regard to feeding.

My dear old batty nan insisted that when she had my mum (late 1960s) that my mum "hated the formula" so she had "normal milk... With a stick of butter in it" 🤯

Thanks very much @teatoast8 and @Missscarletintheconservatory ❤️

I sometimes think I’m mad 🤣 when I (rarely) post on AIBU because everyone seems to be looking for a fight.

I was clearly trying to joke with OP (hence the laughing emoji) as humour got me through my own tough time back then , and I sympathised with the OP saying TWICE I thought her MIL was being unfair (so agreeing with her) but that’s not good enough for her 🙄

Yes, I did mention my own feeding experience, as I thought since I was mixed feeding too it might be relevant (back then I was told I was “crazy” 🤣 by both HV’s and posters on here for making more work for myself, as they said either just breastfeeding or just bottle feeding would be easier - but I didn’t get offended as I understood they were trying to help during a tough time).

Plenty of other posters mentioned their own feeding experiences too, or even said the OP was being “weird” or “odd” or “silly” (look back at the thread) yet the OP and others have only jumped on me 🤷‍♀️ They always say you shouldn’t try to help people…

Evaporated milk was just beginning to be replaced by formula and breast feeding was discouraged.

That’s utter nonsense. Breast feeding has never been discouraged, it’s never been so disapproved of to bottle feed as it is now. Babies in the UK tended to be fed National Dried Milk from the 40s to the early 70s.

I've only ever met 1 person in real life who "disapproved" of bottle feeding but plenty who seemed uneasy or scornful of breastfeeding and that included health care professionals.

It definitely goes both ways (god knows why, people are just weird) but statistics don't lie - if bottle feeding was nationally "disapproved of" (which is should NOT be, just to clarify) then surely our breastfeeding rates would be higher and not one of the lowest?

I have a relative who disapproved so much of breastfeeding that they demanded I did it in a bathroom so they didn't have to watch. We compromised. They're free to go and sit in a bathroom if they want, and my child will have their milk where and how my child and I choose.

@Blossomtoes pre WW2 many working class mothers returned to work in factories when their babies were just a couple of months old so breast feeding stopped.
Fresh milk was not always available (or they didn't have fridges to safely store it) so many babies and children only ever had tinned milk (often called 'Conny Onny" in some parts of the country). A huge amount of city children only had their first taste of actual fresh milk when they were evacuated to the countryside in '39.
Those who became mothers in the 60s/70s would have had that as a child so would then give it to their babies rather than the powdered formula milk because they considered it normal (and "well that's what I had and I turned out fine").
It wasn't necessarily approved of by Health Visitors etc but it did happen.
Sorry that was meant for @Pottedpalm rather than @Blossomtoes .

I think breastfeeding rates would be higher if mothers who want to breastfeed got the correct support they needed.

The vast majority of mothers start off breastfeeding.

It definitely isn’t “approved” of to formula feeding from birth.

if bottle feeding was nationally "disapproved of" (which is should NOT be, just to clarify) then surely our breastfeeding rates would be higher and not one of the lowest?

The pressure on women to breast feed is huge with a big old side dish of disapproval of women who don’t want or can’t manage to do it.

I've never seen anyone get disproved for formula feeding.

@teatoast8 I have pretty much found no one actually cares if a baby is bottle or breast fed (except the parents obviously).
When I went to baby groups and while there some mums were breast feeding and some bottle feeding and I don't think it even came up in conversations.

As requested:

Your DH tells his mother that the decision on when and how and what to feed his child(ren) are between him and you and if she wants to be included in anything relating to his child(ren) again, she had better keep her opinions to herself.

Why is it up to YOU on how to deal with this? He is the one that should be putting a stop to her comments from the get go. You go ahead and feed your baby what you want, when you want and how you want. Refer any issues to your DH.

From birth? I have.

It’s definitely more acceptable to have at least ‘tried’. It’s even been mentioned a few times on this thread too.

Oh yes, that is very definitely A Thing on here. Sometimes it's outright criticism, sometimes it's head tilty can't possibly understand why someone wouldn't even try.

The reality is that there's a lot of social variation when it comes to this kind of thing, and the IRL circles people move in will make a difference. The main thing to take away is that none of it is acceptable.

Wiki disagrees with you and is what the females in my family experienced:-

“Breastfeeding in the Western world declined significantly from the late 1800s to the 1960s.[23]One of the causes was an increased reliance on pasteurized milk and baby formula products, which were regarded as acceptable substitutes by upwardly mobile mothers.[24] By the 1950s, the predominant attitude to breastfeeding was that it was something practiced by the uneducated and those of lower classes. The practice was considered old-fashioned and "a little disgusting" for those who could not afford infant formula and discouraged by medical practitioners and media of the time.”

@Flann3l I agree with you. My very middle class mother was actively discouraged from breastfeeding, though she very much wanted to, and it's likely that the pressure exerted on her led to her not being able to. I was born in 1968.

@teatoast8 As I said, I'll take the professional opinion of a paediatric Professor over someone on Mumsnet, thanks 👍🏻🤣

@jellybe Again, I think the Paediatric professor knows what he's talking about!
Also, all I've done is quote someone else. Do NOT tell me what I can & cannot say. That is not your job.

@Tired88p85 What are your medical qualifications please?

@VegTrug your professor is just one person (who is wrong). Scientific consensus does not agree with him. A quick Google will tell you as much - here is an article to get you started.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4882692/

So was I!😊