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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People turning up without warning- rude?

491 replies

notedbiscuits · 21/12/2024 10:46

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 21/12/2024 10:53

God no! It's rude yes!

BollickyBill · 21/12/2024 10:53

I miss the days when people would just visit. Everything is now by prior arrangement etc and I hate it. When i had unexpected visitors I loved it and it was very much "take us as you find us".

PoissonOfTheChrist · 21/12/2024 10:55

Just don't answer the door.

RosesAndHellebores · 21/12/2024 10:55

It's a thing of the past. It used to be nice. I wouldn’t do it and life is so busy now, I wouldn’t much care for it.

Papetube · 21/12/2024 10:56

Personally I hate it, we had someone drop by unexpectedly this morning just as the Asda delivery driver had finished unloading and seemed put out they didn't get invited in for a cuppa. If they'd rung first I could have explained we had a very busy day and tomorrow would be lovely!

Rosbeet · 21/12/2024 10:57

My MIL does this
Don't see her for 6 months then just turns up.

And I'm always in my PJs with a general mess about.

Pisses me of tremendously

StarDolphins · 21/12/2024 10:58

I’m about to do this today! 😆 I will be dropping a gift bag of sweets & chocolate off & gift for their dog at my friends. I don’t want to pre warn her as I do t want anything in return. I will just drop, small chat & leave her to her day.

mnreader · 21/12/2024 10:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Dotjones · 21/12/2024 11:00

YANBU. Unless it's a genuine emergency there is no excuse for turning up unannounced. This is why most people don't answer the door - they're not expecting anyone. I remember my parents getting pissed off at certain relatives turning up unannounced when I was growing up - they'd say they were "just passing by so they thought they'd drop in" - we lived in a bloody cul-de-sac, literally nobody could "just pass by" they had to make an intentional decision to deviate from the main road and travel a couple of minutes to reach us.

ueberlin2030 · 21/12/2024 11:00

PoissonOfTheChrist · 21/12/2024 10:55

Just don't answer the door.

According to MN that's also considered rude.
Personally I agree that turning up uninvited/without prior agreement is very rude.

notedbiscuits · 21/12/2024 11:00

StarDolphins · 21/12/2024 10:58

I’m about to do this today! 😆 I will be dropping a gift bag of sweets & chocolate off & gift for their dog at my friends. I don’t want to pre warn her as I do t want anything in return. I will just drop, small chat & leave her to her day.

That’s fine - a few minutes chat at door is reasonable. But expect them to make lunch etc is wrong.

OP posts:
BeeCucumber · 21/12/2024 11:02

I would not dream of turning up uninvited to see anyone. I consider it rude and entitled. Make a call or send a message first. People have busy lives and some are WFH. As per MN guidelines, I don’t answer the door unless I’m expecting a visitor or a parcel.

PosiePetal · 21/12/2024 11:02

BollickyBill · 21/12/2024 10:53

I miss the days when people would just visit. Everything is now by prior arrangement etc and I hate it. When i had unexpected visitors I loved it and it was very much "take us as you find us".

Completely agree. Sometimes I wonder what the world is coming to.

HurdyGurdy19 · 21/12/2024 11:03

I love when people turn up unexpectedly. If I'm busy cooking, I'll sit them at the island with a drink and chat whilst I carry on cooking, and offer them something to eat.

If I'm cleaning, I'll stop. My world won't come to an end if the cleaning isn't done, and I would be heartbroken if I'd turned someone away, or refused to answer the door, and something awful happened to them later and I had lost the chance of a last chinwag with them in favour of a clean(er) home.

If the house is messy - so what? They've come to see me, and not judge the standard of my home. And if they do want to judge - well, let them. It won't affect me either way.

I hate that this world has now become so insular and by appointment only. From reading posts on here, I would be very on edge if I was invited to someone's home, as I would be constantly worried that I was outstaying my welcome.

My closest friend and I are forever popping in and out of each other's homes, but I'm very wary of just going to see other friends on the offchance that they're in, just for a chat. If they didn't answer the door, I'd be worried they'd be doing the mumsnet commando crawl behind the sofa to avoid me.

ShortyShorts · 21/12/2024 11:05

ueberlin2030 · 21/12/2024 11:00

According to MN that's also considered rude.
Personally I agree that turning up uninvited/without prior agreement is very rude.

You must be joking! It's apparently completely normal behaviour on MN 🤣

Don't answer the door and then start a thread asking thousands of users what the person wanted.

ueberlin2030 · 21/12/2024 11:05

PosiePetal · 21/12/2024 11:02

Completely agree. Sometimes I wonder what the world is coming to.

You wonder what the world is coming to because people set boundaries in their own lives? Also, some of us have never just popped round or expect visitors without at least a prior call or text.

ueberlin2030 · 21/12/2024 11:06

ShortyShorts · 21/12/2024 11:05

You must be joking! It's apparently completely normal behaviour on MN 🤣

Don't answer the door and then start a thread asking thousands of users what the person wanted.

Nope, it's considered rude, and pointed out to be so, whenever anyone on MN suggests it.

TabloidFootprints · 21/12/2024 11:06

I like unexpected guests. Yes it can be inconvenient sometimes but overall it’s lovely and I would rather have it with the inconvenience than not have it and miss the fun.
As a child every weekend was about visiting, people would drop in or we would go and visit them, if they were not in or busy, we would go on to the next person.
I’ve told this before but when i was 12 or 13, too old for the magic of Santa but too young to have plans with my friends, I was tearful on Christmas Eve because it didn’t feel Christmassy, my great aunt called unexpectedly and then a friend of my mums, and it felt special again as we cracked out the mince pies. My mum often eye rolled when people turned up but was hospitable, and it contributed to a sociable, friendly atmosphere growing up.

Chocolately · 21/12/2024 11:09

If you really don't like it, put your coat on to answer the door and tell them you are on your way out somewhere.

PosiePetal · 21/12/2024 11:09

ueberlin2030 · 21/12/2024 11:05

You wonder what the world is coming to because people set boundaries in their own lives? Also, some of us have never just popped round or expect visitors without at least a prior call or text.

😂

ueberlin2030 · 21/12/2024 11:13

PosiePetal · 21/12/2024 11:09

😂

No actual reply, just an emoji? OK.

Growlybear83 · 21/12/2024 11:15

I think it's a bit rude to turn up unannounced, but if someone turns up, and it's someone I like, then of course I would open the door and let them in - I think it's far ruder not to answer the door. If you're not expected then you have to accept that the house won't necessarily be tidy, the person you're visiting won't be dressed, or they need to keep on cooking etc. If I'm busy when I have a surprise visitor, I would make it clear that I can't stop for too long but surely nothing is so important that you can't spare 30 minutes for a friend!

goingtotown · 21/12/2024 11:16

StarDolphins · 21/12/2024 10:58

I’m about to do this today! 😆 I will be dropping a gift bag of sweets & chocolate off & gift for their dog at my friends. I don’t want to pre warn her as I do t want anything in return. I will just drop, small chat & leave her to her day.

I'd leave the gifts outside & text to let her know.

Daisypod · 21/12/2024 11:23

Depends on who it is. Any of our friends if they just turned up and we were about to go out or otherwise busy would completely understand. Equally if I'm just in the house doing a few jobs I'd welcome the chance for a sit down and cuppa or I'd continue doing what I was doing while we chat.
I like it

Resilienceisimportant · 21/12/2024 11:26

BollickyBill · 21/12/2024 10:53

I miss the days when people would just visit. Everything is now by prior arrangement etc and I hate it. When i had unexpected visitors I loved it and it was very much "take us as you find us".

Totally right. Everything doesn’t have to be so rigid. In a lot of cultures this is accepted and seen as social and family like.

Why be annoyed? Just say they can’t stay as you are going out.