People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

I had a friend just turn up on Xmas night with her new Boyfriend!

They'd driven the 10 miles between our homes to 'surprise' me.
I still cringe about it now.
The evening was nearly over and we were all groggy, dishevelled and the house was a tip.

I'm afraid my mask may have slipped abit😂

@pestowithwalnuts Did he turn up OP ?

No. I'm glad he didn't, but for hours we were waiting, checking the cameras and holding off doing certain things. DH texted him this morning and the CF still hasn't replied!

Wow, that's beyond rude (there's a special place in hell for CFs like that). The only reason for the "no show" I'd accept would be that either they, or someone dear to them, had been involved in an accident or some other calamity and they simply didn't think to message their plans had changed because they were in turmoil. Then I'd eat humble pie for thinking bad of them - but only then .....

Why?

As someone who's been on the receiving end of unexpected visitors, as an adult now, I will always say, let me know in advance if you're visiting. Even a phone call to say, are in you in this afternoon. It's that courtesy phone call that can make all the difference. I would always check with someone first, and vice versa. The visitee might be off to work, or they're going out to a concert, or they simply might not be feeling very well.

Exactly! A quick phone call to ask if someone is free is all it takes. I wish my ex friend had done that. We had telephones in the 1990s.

When did it start being rude to just pop in? I now live rurally so don’t get many visitors these days. But when I lived in London in the early 2000s all we young mums used to do it. Even in the nineties when I lived overseas it was normal. If we were busy we’d just have the guts to tell the visitor. Otherwise we’d just have a cuppa and a natter.

I wouldn't say rude so much as thoughtless, and potentially a waste of the dropper-in's time if someone's too busy to stop and chat. And not wanting to turn someone away on the doorstep isn't about lacking 'guts' - a lot of people get all disappointed/offended if someone doesn't drop everything to socialise with them. It's so easy to check beforehand if it's a convenient time that I really don't get why anyone wouldn't.

Yeah this. It just seems a bit stupid to me to make the effort in time and journey to someone's house on the off chance they "might" happen to 1. be even in, and 2. be free or want to entertain guests at that very moment.
Why not check first? it takes 30 seconds and would save you a wasted journey/petrol and putting someone in a position where they have to turn you away at the door.

Agree with this. Only thing I couldn't disrupt is work meetings but my friends / family wouldn't pop in during working hours anyway.

But cooking, cleaning etc can all be worked around. My book or Netflix show can be paused (might be a bit annoying, but people and relationships are important).

Possibly there's a split here between people who entered adulthood and were in their thirties before text messaging and pocket sized mobiles came along. Before that you'd have to call a landline and check (and remember there are plenty of people around these days who don't like answering or making phone calls as well as doors without prior warning). So either a landline in your house or a phone box. Us older people (not old, but in our fifties) grew up at a time when warnings weren't given because it just wasn't as easy. And therefore it's perfectly normal.

To add, we were always perfectly ok with being told 'not now, i'm busy'.

My book or Netflix show can be paused (might be a bit annoying, but people and relationships are important).

I wouldnt want to interrupt someone if they were right in the middle of watching netflix though! I get very little down time, for me, watching something on netflix is a rare luxury - a moment of relaxation. Why cant I finish what I am in the middle of watching and arrange to see that person at a time that is convenient for both of us????

It probably depends on who it is, where you live and who else is in the house.

As a teen (and even later in life), I used to drop in unannounced on my grandparents without a second thought. It was the way things were done in their generation. It was rare at least one of them wasn't home.

Very close friends I wouldn't have an issue with dropping by unannounced, though I WFH and they know my working hours.

Acquaintances, I need a good warning as I've become more anti-social as I've got older and I can't be bothered to entertain them..

Live on my own so always happy for the company, less so when I was with ex-h and we had the entire family descend on us on Christmas Eve without warning whilst we were in PJ's and dealing with a very sick DS2.

Probably also depends on whether said guest needs entertaining or whether they are happy to come in and just go, "shall I put the kettle on?"

I think just dropping in is probably a more outside London thing?

I have been on the end of unexpected visitors and it does place you in an awkward position. My now ex friend moved away from the area where I still live. Didn't hear from her for years. Then one day, she just turned up without warning. I gave her my phone number again at the end of her visit and I said "call me" next time you're in the area. I thought she had just lost my phone number as it had been several years. But she kept on turning up. I finally lost my patience though. One day she turned up, and I said I was about to go out. I had to get my Dad to take me round the block in the car just to prove I was out. From that day to this, never heard from her again. I never confessed what I really did.

To me, the person turning up without warning it's thoughtlessness on their part. The person they're visiting might be busy looking after someone, about to go to work, going out, or they're not well. it doesn't take five minutes to message and ask "i'm in the area, are you available this afternoon for a couple of hours?"

My mother HATED it in the 1960's. She also hated the thing then that sunday morning was the time for visiting (at least it was in our circles) which not only meant that she had to be visitor ready but also it ate into our family time. I don't think I have ever dropped in on anybody in my life unless it was an emergency.