People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

This happened to me today actually. Not happened in donkeys years. But the lady is a new friend andbat first as she knocked and started chatting away, I was thinking 🤔 not sure how feel about this but I enjoy random conversations and her cheery nature so I was OK about it.

When my children were small, it didn't bother me at all and welcomed company so long as they went again.

I'm a home bird and one NYE i babysit for all my sister in laws as well as my own and had 11 under 16s phahahaha. I must have been mad.

The person rocking up at someone else's house, unannounced, fully expecting to be hosted.

Isn't that blooming obvious?

Oh, you thought it's the person who was minding their own business, going about their day as they please, who have been landed with an unannounced visitor imposing themselves on their hospitality without asking if it's suitable or not first? Give your head a wobble.

Did you conveniently miss the part where I don't live in the UK, and it's quite normal for people here to simply turn up. I actually don't visit people often, but I've had two people arrive at my door this week. I didn't feel uncomfortable (why on earth would I?) and I don't need to be "ready for guests" - people are welcome any time. I think a lot of the social norms in the UK (or is it just MN) weird tbh.

A previous poster nailed it - life is different now and we have the benefit of better tech to allow people to give at least a bit of notice.
If I was at home with children - fine. But I work full time and therefore my house is not always ‘visitor ready’ because I’m busy working or catching up with chores. I’d much prefer a visit to be relaxed enough for me to enjoy it and for that I need at least a couple of hours notice.

In answer to your question, yes, I do work and my workplace and my home fit in two completely different categories. I do understand that some don’t like having unexpected visitors, but that’s not the norm in our circle. Life would be boring and predictable if we all have the same preferences.

And you too.

Well plenty of people have explained why they feel uncomfortable with unexpected visitors. Perhaps you conveniently missed all of those posts.

Just don’t turn up out of the blue. Simple.

So it’s okay to think this is weird if you’re outside of the UK, but it’s not okay for those of us who are here to find YOUR attitude weird? All this “Why on earth would I feel uncomfortable?” and little confused faces 😵‍💫 - you’re lacking in imagination.

If you’re in the “popper in” camp why do you have to be the one doing the popping in? Can’t you just make it known to your vast friendly family and social circle that you welcome visitors any time and wait for them to come to you? That way there’s no reason for anyone to feel put out or pressured???

100% rude. You need to call and make plans first, not just turn up

When I was little, I used to stay with my grandparents.
After an early dinner, we’d get in the car and go visit my grandmother’s sisters. They were expecting us. I don’t think anybody called anybody else - they’d been chatting after supper for decades.
I think it was just the done thing.
So were party lines and homemade marmalade.

This is so MN

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway Exactly, I think it's a lack of social awareness. And just so ballsy that they don't care.
I can't imagine knocking on someones door unannounced, seeing they're cooking/cleaning/just got home/relaxing in slobs etc, expecting an invite in and then sitting there knowing I'm a nuisance, knowing I'm interrupting, knowing they're hoping I don't stay long. I would feel so self conscious.

This is a great point! If you love popping in so much then why not have people do it at your house?? why the need to expect hospitality constantly from others and not be offering it yourself?

Simply announce you have an open house and then those that want to can pop by - that way you know for sure it's convenient for those that do.

I suspect the reason those people arent doing this is exactly because noone actually is "popping" into theirs 😜

Actually coming back to this I realise I would be much less irritated now my children are grown up.

When they were small and weekends were crazy busy, it was not welcome, but now that that pressure is gone it is not so much an issue.
But people do send a text to see if doing a drop by is convenient.

Mostly I am happily open to it and welcome it.

As far as I can see there are two opinions here -
1 If you're a "popperinner" you think the people you're popping in on are rude and entitled for not dropping everything to accommodate you without warnng

2 If you don't like like surprise visitors, you think they're rude and entitled for expecting you to drop everything and accommodate them

There's never going to be a definitive answer.

No there never will be, same as any thread on here apart from the very rare unanimous ones.
Mn has made me realise how differently we all think, and most won't change their opinions. Sometimes I feel I'm wasting my typing/breath but then what would everyone talk about 😆

People have different views on this. Some people like surprise visitors, other people hate them.
Hopefully we can all try to be as kind to and respectful of other people as we can.

But the default is that people's homes are their private spaces, with closed doors. One doesn't breach a private space without invitation. That's just basic, rock-bottom manners.

The popper-inners are intruding without inviting. Hence they are in the wrong.

Exactly.

And those who think the people they have barged in on don't mind are kidding themselves.

Just because the bargers are politely received doesn't mean that their hosts aren't inwardly miserable, and inconvenienced.

They traveled a couple of minutes out of their way to reach you?! 😲 The bloody cheek of them, fancy making a deviation just to say hello to someone.

I agree that the popperinners are at fault but I don't think you'll convince them otherwise.
For example, this afternoon I'm having a quiet afternoon with OH as he's finally finished work. We're watching rubbish on the telly and having a takeaway later.
OK it isn't much to interrupt according to some people but it's precious time and I hope nobody comes round unexpectedly.

Can't stand people just turning up, but equally as annoying is someone saying they are coming- then don't!
Its Christmas Eve, DH and I finished worked, I've showered and in PJ's. Prepping and getting reading for a busy tomorrow. DH's acquaintance from many years ago, whom we might see once a year, messaged to say 'We are coming past around at 7:30pm and will call in!'
DH replied, asking whether he meant tonight and who he was bringing?
I got dressed again, we both have tidied up and I can see DH checking the cameras to see IF someone is arriving.

2hrs on- said 'friend' has not shown up and not answered the message! I'm putting my PJs back on and told DH if he arrives- he isn't coming in. 😡

How twatty is that...and bloody rude.
'We're passing and will call in '
No...' Is that ok '
Did he turn up OP ?