People turning up without warning- rude?

[notedbiscuits]

I find this behaviour rude and thoughtless. As the homeowners may have plans themselves or in the midst of a cooking marathon esp this time of the year.

Be nicer for them to message/call saying are you available to have a chat as in the area etc.

If you are one of those people who turn up at others without informing them first. Why do you do it?

It's not only rude it's stupid - what if they've gone out for the day? you've just made a journey there and back for no reason. A text takes 10 seconds to check if its ok FGS!

No, it’s not rude, it’s friendly.

If we’re busy or about to go out, we tell them. But in all honesty it is not hard to have a quick 5 minutes cuppa with someone who has dropped round because they were passing.

It’s especially not rude at Christmas when dropping gifts off. I am delighted to see friends and we understand the place can be messy - who cares? It’s very kind of them to bring presents for the children and a good excuse for a quick tea break with a mince pie.

Oh good grief! They meant they were passing near your road!

Heaven forbid people should want to visit you briefly while they are nearby. How terrible of them!

I think it's very rude. I've had people call round when I've literally stepped out of the shower, am working, feeling rough etc

Why not just text first?

Last night at 8pm someone knocked twice in our sitting room window , I looked out and no-one was there. Went into the porch area ( door locked ) and shouted hello , no one answered .

Quite rural and don't usually have visitors without knowing they are arriving so my senses were heightened so decided to not open the door and got a little bit scared

Then heard a familiar voice , it was a friend ( single male ) we see rarely who decided to drop a card around .
Was nice to see him but his arrival wasn't that great tbh.

Indeed. I've had people call round unexpectedly and then get pissed off that I had gone out for the day- well thats on you, you should have checked!

I couldn't agree more.

It's pretty easy to make sure that no one does this to you more than once.

Surely if you’re in the middle of something or just going out, you say to them I’m in the middle of something or just going out, and that’s the risk they take?

StarDolphins · Today 10:58

I’m about to do this today! 😆 I will be dropping a gift bag of sweets & chocolate off & gift for their dog at my friends. I don’t want to pre warn her as I do t want anything in return. I will just drop, small chat & leave her to her day.

Id probably spend the rest of my day feeling guilty that I hadn’t bought you anything.

Everyone in my social circle does this, myself included, my family & friends are all “pop in” people. I don’t see any issue with it and it’s what we’ve all always done HOWEVER that said we are all very close so nobody would be offended or put out by being told “we’re off out now so catch up later” and none of us expect to walk into a show home house with no mess and everyone perfectly dressed and made up. I wouldn’t pop in to anyone I didn’t have that kind of relationship with.

Turning up un-announced?!? What?!? How very 1990s!!

It doesn't bother me at all, as long as people are not expecting me to give them anything more than tea and biscuits, and don't mind my house is a mess!

Depends who it is. My family just come in and out of the house which I love but they just make their own cup of tea etc so don’t stop doing whatever it is I’m doing.

Obviously guests which you’re ‘entertaining’ it’s better to pre arrange.

Couldn’t imagine being so formal with close family though that you have to text or call before just popping over.

I hate it! Even worse, when MIL would bring randoms unannounced to our new house. She'd then say 'well aren't you going to show them around?'

The randoms were someone she'd met at the golf club that day, her neighbours the next time, another day a friend of a friend- all whom we'd never met. The 2nd time she did this- DH saw the car pull up and politely told her to go. We both WFH, and might be in a meeting. I'm often bra less and have to run around getting properly dressed if someone visits unannounced. MIL now doesn't bring randoms and at least texts us before a visit. We can then organise her visit for when neither of us are busy.

Completely agree op, 100%. The worst are the ones that are "passing", despite living nowhere near, and dropping things in at the door, birthday gifts, often on the day etc. They are the ones who message when they're on their way, they believe this is satisfactory. Then, they stand at the door waiting to be invited in. You politely chat for 5 or if you're busy, say thank you, speak soon. They always look a bit miffed that you haven't asker them to come in! Imo, this is a complete lack of respect of boundaries, unless this is the norm for you, and you do the same thing to them, an unwritten rule so to speak. It usually is always people you're not that close to as well!
They're always sooo busy they have to do everything last minute, yet have time to make unannounced visits. I had a friend drop my dc a gift off on his birthday while he was at school. I was in the middle of making his birthday cake, had my toddler running around. She stated that her dm who i had never met was in the car, and looked put out I didn't invite in!
My distant sibling would do this too, disrepsect the fact I didn't want to see anybody on that given day, and just turn up with a gift they'd pick up as an excuse to force the visit, when we had said we weren't available.

This trend of having to warn people you might want to speak to them on the phone or in person without a 48 hour warning completely reflects how pathetic people have become.
We used to be a nation of explorers. We used to talk to people in the street. We used to be sociable.
Now everyone is a babbling mess of 'anxiety' .
I've just spent a very happy 20 mins chatting to a complete stranger. I don't feel I need therapy as a consequence.

This reminds me of my brother who used to open the door to his MIL who just used to turn up. He’d stand there and say you are not coming in. I’ve been at work all week, and I’m relaxing, and not having guests.

Yeah some do point that out to be fair but I think just as many will argue that it isn't.

In MN world, you have to text before you phone, then phone to check it's OK to pop in. But preferably not visit at all because as everyone knows, having people in your house is weird/uncomfortable/awkward/difficult. Or at least it is for all the introverts weird people on MN.

Yes I would call in advance if I was arriving at a meal time. Also I would not get the hump if someone wasn't in if I hadn't contacted in advance. But I would not get arsey about a friend turning up on the doorstep unannounced, and would invite her in for a cup of tea/coffee and some biscuits.

I hate it and simply don't open the door.

I don't understand why people would turn up uninvited. If nothing else, it's potentially very inconvenient for the person turning up - the person you're visiting could be out and you've had a totally wasted trip. So even if I was visiting someone who I knew didn't mind people just turning up, I'd always check so I knew they were actually home.

Depends on the circumstances.

Someone from an hour away calling in expecting to be hosted - rude.

Someone from round the corner popping in for twenty minutes, lovely - welcome any time, take us as you find us (a bomb site!).

Expecting lunch is rude OP, but even that would be very normal in some families. In-laws?

Can't you send it through the post?

I'd rather receive no gift than get an unexpected visit.

I know you think you're being nice and it's coming from a good place but think about it for a minute.

You're going to make your friend feel REALLY awkward because you've bought for her and haven't given her the chance to buy for you in return?

It doesn't matter that YOU don't want anything, it's not all about you.

If I were your friend I'd now be scrambling around the internet looking for anything I could get my hands on with a next day delivery, and having sent straight to you.

And no-one needs that stress 3 days before Christmas Eve! 😫

Most people don’t answer the door?? What normal person refuses to answer the door because they haven’t issued any invitations / appointments that day?