School raised concerns over childs home life

[Smith212]

For some context my child is 9 asd diagnosed and has had very destructive behaviour only towards me and my home for years now. Co parent situation. My child literally rules me. Breaks my things, rips ALL of my clothes, empties liquids everywhere, destroys his siblings clothes, belongings etc, empties freezer fridges etc and puts the contents in household items such as desks drawers etc. Is physically and verbally abusive to me, very angry in general and defiant won't do a thing I say. If I say something like I'll have to tell dad about you pushing and hitting me it can't carry on (his dad's useless but when I'm desperate he is my only go to to get my child to listen) he will say things like I'll tell him you pushed and hit me he will believe me. I feel totally trapped. So he ends up just getting away with everything. I try consequence no tv etc or no I'm not getting you that new thing you asked for etc.... but nothing works. He has no respect or care for me. His school in so many words told me he's great at school and his dad's so it's my problem. All of the sudden get an email for a taf for concerns around his home life and no information. So have all christmas now to think what on earth has he said now. His dad takes I'm to a dodgy pub 24/7 but you can bet it's me in the firing line. I am no saint, especially as my child Never admits to all of these things which frustrates me more especially when I have nothing to wear for work as it's all been ripped even underwear etc. So yes sometimes I raise my voice- but everything I say he twists and turns. I told him that him ripping my last outfit was nasty behaviour and he wasn't being a nice boy, he turned that in to telling his dad I said I wish he wasn't born and I don't want him over Xmas.... like what the hell can I do!!!???? I have a younger child in this mix who is scared and apologises every time he sneezes I'm worried about his future too. I am hurt that his school and his dad don't seem to believe me (why on earth would I lie about any of this!!??) And now want this meeting... I'm wondering what it could be about and what I'll be accused of next. I am just trying to work and support my kids and I not even allowed to do that. Any insight advice words etc, please.

I haven't been on this site for over 5 years....

Your home life does need flagging it's horrendous. Engage with social services and take all the help and support that they offer.

If one of the siblings told me even half of what you've written I'd have been flagging it as a concern. Even if your child with autism wasn't the one making the accusations.

SS don't just take children away they are invaluable in signposting you to different support avenues, respite and other help.

I’d set up CCTV in my home and I’d also accept any help services offer.

As I saidni haven't been on this site for atleast 5 years and how would that be a helpful response? I am clearly struggling and trying my best- why is it always the parents fault. I have tirelessly worked to try and get support for my child and family perhaps open your mind for a moment and consider I'm a parent being pushed to the limit not a monster who deserves any of this. And the children in this class? What have they got to do with anything in this?! Your comments are ill informed and unkind.

I have a few cameras, he works around the blind spots he is very smart and calculating. Believe me u have accepted help and begged for it... not my first rodeo.

Exactly this. Your child’s home life is profoundly problematic. As is that of your other child, who sounds frighted and cowed. Accept the help you need.

Accept the help, if not for you than your younger child.

Has your other son said anything at school? Your life sounds horrendous. Ask for help and take anything offered. They will want to help you.

Do you think you need help OP?

Then this is the right route to get it

Please listen yourself and see that I have said I would accept any help offered to me and HAVE! I am begging for help always have..... paid for help,there isn't a thing I haven't tried. Yes after years or torment I do feel bad for me and other children.... that's OK. What happened to parents listening and being supportive.

Thank you I have tried this and asked for a home worker etc paid for play therapy contacted siblings childcare and the child's hub etc, and I got a lovely letter with a list of useful websites no real help. Mostly send social groups for the children which we attend regularly.

It's a team around the family meeting though. It's not a child in need meeting. So it's there to support. Does he go to an sen school? Do you get respite? This might be offered if you don't. Do you get extra support for your other little one?

I feel like no one believes me but not sure what kind of horrid person would make this up and what it would gain honestly

I hope they can help you and your children. You need it.

It is clear you need help - accept everything that might be offered. Don't stand on pride.

But this is the school believing you and offering support!

You need comprehensive support. And most of all you need to have boundaries and stick to them. First think is to get locks installed so he cannot access your room, siblings rooms, the fridge etc - if he has no self control you use mechanical devices to control behaviour basically, you limit access to spaces and ensure that there's nothing dangerous or breakable in said spaces.

Social services do not want to take your child away but equally the current situation is untenable. They will get you back on track if you let them, including potentially respite, in home support etc.

If he really has no issues at his fathers or at school then he is capable of behaving, do not accept the status quo