To be dreading the holiday

[nonotchristmas]

I broke up today. Kids off for two weeks. They go to private day nursery but because of the days they do (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) they are in Monday and then that’s it, because Wednesday is of course Christmas Day and nursery is closed for a week so the next day they are in is Friday 3rd January.

And I know I’m going to be roasted like the turkey for this but I’m dreading it. Two weeks where I won’t get a single break from them, in the house they fight and whine and the youngest follows me round crying to be picked up all the time. Feeding them is increasingly expensive and challenging. Entertaining them is a nightmare, I’ve booked a few things but everything is so expensive again with a Christmas premium on it, I know I’ll get told to ‘just take them to the park’ but please don’t: parks are absolutely lethal with a completely fearless preschooler and a cheery but clueless toddler: slippy equipment the slip on and smash their chins open (ask me how I know) so soft play it is, again and again and again.

But it’s the day in day out nature of it. It’s knackering and two full weeks of it is hideous. And expensive. And help me

Do you have a DP ? Will you be seeing family? Or friends?
I'm hopeful it won't feel as relentless as you think, they will have new toys on Wednesday to keep them entertained.

Loads of walks? Woodland trails?? Just pottering outside?

I know it's weather permitting etc

DH does nothing, it will fall to me, which I know I’ll get blamed for as well on here but it is pointless expecting him to do anything. I need to be prepared for it all to fall on me

PIL are coming christmas day but the day itself isn’t really what I’m worried about. I’ve booked an event for them on Christmas Eve (which was £££ but it will save my sanity) then Christmas Day is OK. Boxing Day - I don’t know. Something booked 27th and 28th. Then the rest of the holiday is to be filled.

I will try to get them out on walks and in the fresh air as my eldest in particular needs it, but it is difficult as the younger one needs a pushchair and she’s very difficult in it, just whines to get out constantly and not everywhere is ideal pushchair terrain. (Tried a backpack thing but she hated that too.)

So I have this weekend, Boxing Day, 29th, 30th, New Year’s Eve and the 2nd to fill (going to PIL for NYD.) seven full days, god knows how ill manage.

Can you divide and conquer? Even if DH is useless, leave the younger one at home with him and take the older one out on his own or vice versa.

When mine were younger and I felt really trapped, sometimes I'd just strap them into their car seats and drive so I could just be in my own head a bit.

Thanks, yeah, there will be some divide and conquer. But it’s all going to be on me, and I’m so frigging tired. It’s making me absolutely hateful to be around too.

I know your saying DH is no use but can you sit him down and explain you need help and he simply has to give it.
Then make plans for the time together?

It just isn’t possible. He won’t take the children anywhere so if I want a break from them I have to leave the house which isn’t ideal. And then I come back to Beirut so honestly it doesn’t seem worth it.

Today DS’s preschool had INSET which he knew about, didn’t book it off so decided to WFH, DS ate spaghetti hoops and chocolate, pooed his pants and wasn’t even dressed properly when I got home, or had his teeth brushed or anything.

Yes I know I know - my fault, but i can’t really punish the kids for that.

I would try and have another discussion with your partner, and what the likely outcome will be, I would have already booked myself a night away in a cheap local hotel (anything, eg Premier, Holiday Inn, and just go and leave him to it.
I did exactly this with a friend of mine - my ExH did agree to it but got a big reality dose when both kids were up during the night being sick 🤣. Karma and all that.... meanwhile we had a lovely time Christmas shopping and chilling with a glass of champagne and lots of magazines (my secret passion)!

Wow…. You cant cope being around your kids over Xmas…. Poor things.

It is hard. And with the weather being so crap, soft play is really the only choice. My husband will be working flat out as I'm off for two weeks. Went to the park yesterday evening and we were nearly blown away. I find the winter relentless. The kids get bored in the house, I need to tidy and cook. They end up having too much screentime which affects their behaviour. Now times that by 14 days, it's tough going. Remember though, most people are in the same boat and will be struggling too.

She’s here for help, not judgement. Scroll on if you can’t say anything nice.

I feel you. Similar situation 3 year old and 3 month old baby. Husband has to work a lot over Xmas as we used his hols up to extend his pat leave as I had another c section.

I’ll be roping my sister in to take my 3 year old to as many soft plays as possible!!

Christmas does hit different with little kids I remember my life before kids when I’d basically eat chocolate and read my kindle for a week solid.

it will get easier though in a few years to come they won’t want to know us, will be doing their own thing!

Why are you standing for this shit behaviour from your partner? Poor kids, and poor you, he needs to step up! And if he’s that useless perhaps 2025 calls for a new approach… just saying.

I teach so I'm off now with my 3 under 5 and I totally get it. I dread every single holiday despite being told how great it must be and indeed to take them to the park. I've got no tips but definitely here in solidarity (as one has got everyone up at 5.30am)

Why did you have children if you don't even want to spend two weeks with them?

@nonotchristmas I used to live in the country, didnt drive, one bus a day, coal fire, no phone, no shops. short walks around the fields, pick a few berries. rolls of old wallpaper taped to kitchen table, let them paint, do hand painting, teach them songs, read childrens rhymes and books, bake biscuits and cakes. etc etc. there is a lot you can do in the house too. tell your hubby to get his arse into gear for goodness sake!

I thought from reading your initial post you were a single parent, the fact you have a DH is wild. I'm not sure what you want people to say really, if it's just for empathy then I feel for you, having a useless waste of space husband who sounds like a terrible father as well as partner is hard, and having 2 young children is relentless and hard. If it's suggestions then you've already said no to the obvious such as the park.

Let them get on with their new toys, will that keep them busy?

Be careful you don't over stimulate them. They'll have plenty to do with all of their new toys to play with etc. Don't feel you have to do planned out and about activity daily- chilling and making salt dough to play with, let them have a splash in the bath of a morning or afternoon, finger paint/hand painting, if it's dry out get some chalk and let them chalk all over the patio/pavement etc. Plus it's cheap/free!!!

Honestly, the best advice I can give you is to divorce your useless lump of a husband, and let him have the children every Christmas.

Two birds, one stone.

Are there any library sessions happening near you? Or local museums doing family days?

I found winter so tough with young kids, I scoured Facebook groups for local playgroups still running or rhyme time at the library etc.
swimming? Used to be a faff but tire them out.

Someone not doing things "your way" is not "useless". This sounds fine (as long as DH cleaned the poo accident up - these things happen with young kids). Spaghetti hoops and choc for lunch won't harm your kids every now and then. You sound really uptight and aggressive.

If your DH will, in fact, take the children, as seems to be the case, you need to let him and stop judging. I bet the kids had a great time with him.

This is why I only had one. I knew I couldn't cope with any more. How people manage with three under 4 I've no idea. I salute them.

You do realise op that a great many people look after their dc 247 365 days a year for decades! How can you not manage just a week? They are your own children and are little for such a small amount of time.

Please reframe this. This is your opportunity to spend some proper time with them.

A Christmas teddy bears party cost nothing
Glitter and make decorations for the tree cost pence.
Draw cards for each of the relatives
Christmas baking
Take them to the family friendly church service - it is free
They can help decorate the Christmas table
Play hide and seek with Christmas chocolates - they love that
Watch a Christmas film

If you approach this with a mindset of making this Christmas all about them, then it will be fun. Your little one is crying out for affection, hence the needing to be picked up. Tune into their little world, and yes dp needs to be told. You should not be accepting us lack of participation and parenting. Put your foot down. It is unfair on the children and unfair on you.

Wow your DH is fucking useless and I can’t believe some of these replies.

LOW BAR ALERT from them.

A good DH tells his wife to go and do her own things or takes his kids out for things he has planned himself.

A good DH cleans kids teeth and dresses them properly as part of their routine.

You’re not uptight or hate spending time with your kids OP! Your crappy husband is stopping you enjoying your kids because he’s not being the partner you need him to be!!!!

I’m working xmas eve, DP has booked the day off to do something nice with our kids before I finish. Last week he took him out all day to the markets and left me at home to get some house stuff done. We all do stuff together too!