To be dreading the holiday

[nonotchristmas]

I broke up today. Kids off for two weeks. They go to private day nursery but because of the days they do (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) they are in Monday and then that’s it, because Wednesday is of course Christmas Day and nursery is closed for a week so the next day they are in is Friday 3rd January.

And I know I’m going to be roasted like the turkey for this but I’m dreading it. Two weeks where I won’t get a single break from them, in the house they fight and whine and the youngest follows me round crying to be picked up all the time. Feeding them is increasingly expensive and challenging. Entertaining them is a nightmare, I’ve booked a few things but everything is so expensive again with a Christmas premium on it, I know I’ll get told to ‘just take them to the park’ but please don’t: parks are absolutely lethal with a completely fearless preschooler and a cheery but clueless toddler: slippy equipment the slip on and smash their chins open (ask me how I know) so soft play it is, again and again and again.

But it’s the day in day out nature of it. It’s knackering and two full weeks of it is hideous. And expensive. And help me

Feeling extra bitchy at 4am were you?

She does, this is a parenting site and she needs support, your comment is cruel.

You have a HUGE DH problem but you already know this.

Settle into a rhythm. Out in the morning and possibly lunch. Home for a chill with TV, play with toys, tea, bath, bed.

Accept your DH is utter shit and make a game out of being surprised if he does anything.

I feel for you OP, I remember how hard it is. You've had a few good suggestions here, making play dough was always a good one for bad weather days in my house, or a bit of baking. Biscuits with Christmas cutters or just melt chocolate and do Rice Krispie cakes - don't stress over the outputs needing to be decent, just let them faff over it and make a mess!! Make pancakes and let them decorate them with bits of fruit and a few chocolate chips
Daytime baths were a good time killer too

as a PP has said, get out for a walk every day, even just a stroll to the supermarket to pick up a few bits. Kids are fine with mundane, it's boring for you but if they are occupied your week will be easier.
Have you got friends with similar aged kids you could arrange to meet for a cuppa at soft play or playground? Those places are more bearable with company and good for kids to see others too

Take each day at a time.
When at home stick to a simple routine which includes your husband ALWAYS dressing one child ready for the day.
Ask your husband to be responsible for more daily chores during the holiday as you will be doing more childcare.
Set those in stone - for example he cooks every evening meal by xx o'clock and cleans up the kitchen. He does a load of washing during the day and dries it..
Activities at home..
keep the kids in one or two areas, stick to the rule of only three activities out at a time (teach kids to pack away toys)
read books often, have a craft table in an area with hard flooring, play with the kids for a set time then leave them to play, repeat; turn off phone, take them for a walk around the block - there will be differences every day that they see, have them help make snacks for the day and lunch to pack into their boxes, invite a friend over a couple of times (you might receive an invite too), playing on swing outside with Dad, chores - folding clothes, sweeping, watering plants, food shopping (take one while your DH has the other)
Other Activities ..
Aim to have an outing every second day - Libraries, swimming pools, softplay, visiting grandparents, cousins, friends, take away food venue, cinema, walking around the block and counting dogs..
Could you also plan a family weekend away? - some where close enough but sunnier, involving pony rides, looking at animals, digging in damp sand with Dad for hours...

What a load of rubbish, not bothering to get him dressed, do his teeth etc is lazy in itself let alone the rest. This is exactly what OP is on about; if she doesn't do these things he doesn't bother and they won't get done.

find some indoor fun,
do less and concentrate on them playing, puzzles, dressing up, tidying up, painting, cooking

No real advice but can't just read and run. Even at 72 I still remember the slight feeling of dread and claustrophobia waking up to any school holiday with 2 little ones - loved them to bits but the days were soooo long! All I can suggest is to lower your standards so lots of mindless cartoons and snacks, 2 baths a day if it helps and just lie on the sofa every now and then trying to think relaxing thoughts. As long as they're safe in the room with you then you can disengage sometimes for your sanity. Ignore all the snippy, holier-than-thou comments - I won't be the only one who empathises 💐

"DH does nothing"

There's your problem.

I bet that's not just a Christmas problem either. My DH will be cooking the Christmas lunch. He doesn't know it yet 😉

Why do we women accept men behaving like children? Why do we think they are not fellow adult human beings capable of doing all the things we do?! My own father is a lazy lump of lard and my mother enables him?! It's horrifying to watch!

In the new year, stop doing all the things you do. Just stop. Stop cleaning. Stop cooking for him. Stop washing his clothes. If he wants food, clean clothes or a clean house he'll have to step up. Say you are on strike.

Also I hear you in the kids, they go insane indoors when it's wet cold, dark and horrible outside. My almost 2 year old clings to me and I have a bad back, it's mummy mummy mummy constantly. Sometimes a walk with raincoats and wellies is refreshing if you can get past the barrier of not wanting to go out in it! Christmas light walk is free, look at other people's lights or even drive. Go for a hot chocolate but make sure you find them somewhere for them to run around after. If library is open could try there they often have craft activities, toys as well as books and it's free and indoors. Find a board game try can participate in if they are old enough. Snakes and ladders with a big dice? Failing that Christmas movies with popcorn and make your own cinema. Build dens/forts/igloos indoors with cushions and fairy lights and telly stories. Treasure hunt around the house?

God OP that sounds hard - I totally relate to how you feel and I remember dreading weekends sometimes when mine were that age . However my DH wasn't so useless. If it helps it's much easier now - they are both primary age and I'm looking forward to two weeks off with them. You will get there! I recommend sitting down and having a google and making a list of ideas for activities. And ensuring you have everything you need for them. You've had some good ideas already.

Park can be hard work but you do need an outing every day so check library opening times over Christmas. Walking to library, reading some books, getting a coffee and cake and walking home is a great outing. Set the older one some challenges - can you make a town from your toys? Scour Pinterest for toddler Xmas craft ideas. Go shopping to choose a present for Daddy (and he could take them to do the same...)

Anyway - I understand and I know it doesn't mean you don't love them, it's just tough at those ages - the days are long! So, take some time to prepare and have a bank of ideas (for example my kids loved playing cafes that age so you can spend time setting it up, making a menu, making some fairy cakes to serve etc). I hope you have a good Christmas and, if you can, maybe book a day off in the new year when they are both at nursery xx

Off the top of my head

baking and decorating fairy cakes

art and crafts painting sticky mosaics playdough painting

jigsaw puzzle

jumping in puddles (appropriately dressed) with bin bag by front door to take everything off

soft play

indoor picnic that they ‘help’ get ready & sandwiches cut into shapes that they can do.

easy ‘jobs’
washing vegetables
laying the table for Christmas Day
preparing Father Christmas’s mince pie and drink and carrots for reindeer (don’t forget to eat & drink them! Don’t throw away. Side eyes dh

panto or cinema if you can
age appropriate carol service
see if anything on near you for under 5 meet ups

it’s a tough time as the weather is grim but I used to try to get out for a bit. My dh used to have to work long hours so was always down to me apart from the weekends when we would divide and conquer!

Good luck

Some good ideas here, agree with getting into a rhythm so DC know what to expect on days where there are no particular events. If you don’t have a proactive plan for the day it will seem endless (pandemic preschooler experience here). I would try to get out in the morning then have a planned activity at home in the afternoon. Daytime baths can get you a bit of sitting with a thermos of tea time. Have a planned pressure reliever if things start getting overwhelming - mine was putting them in the car, listening to audiobooks while getting mummy a coffee from drive through starbucks. Ok DH is awful but what CAN he do? Just focus on any way he can be helpful for now (unless safety issues), eg could he take the oldest to a childrens film at cinema/ take the youngest for a pushchair walk/ take them to softplay instead of you? Lastly every day have something you are looking forward to to, whether a chapter of a book, online shopping for something, a lovely meal etc. Good luck!

Oh and we used to have ‘cuddle afternoons’ aka all on the sofa under a blanket, with popcorn watching a film. They still remember these and they are in their 20’s now.

As others have said it sounds like your DH is sadly the problem here as if you were more supported you probably wouldn't feel so worn down.
Do you have any friends or family nearby?

Thanks. Putting DH aside for a moment - he isn’t going to change; divorce may be an option but it is also not really just the fact he’s lazy, it’s the fact he’s also working for some of it. He’ll be at work Monday and Tuesday, have Christmas week off then back on the 2nd.

DS just isn’t a crafty kid at all, no interest, making Christmas decorations just doesn’t grab his attention at all. DD would eat everything and have glittery poos. (Which probably would grab DS’s attention.)

Neither have the attention span for a film. I know some children do but not mine.

We do have a local museum so I’ll see what’s on there. Soft play is fine for a couple of days just can’t face it every day!

I wouldn't think of it as how many days, I would take it one day at a time. Then tick them off as you go. This may feel more manageable then. Obviously your DH is a shit but you know that. You sound exhausted OP. Would your PIL look after them for a few hours one day so you can get a break?

They live too far away and they probably wouldn’t manage both to be honest.

I have four ranging from 17 to 7. Over the years we were out in all weathers and I don't care what anyone says but it saved my sanity in those early years when all of them were small. It really did.

Being cooped up is like hell on earth for me personally.

It's getting easier as they get older and you will get to that point too OP.

Hopefully you get a break over the Christmas holidays. Even just an afternoon out.

Wow! I’m very impressed with all the crafting/baking/walking ideas.

I don’t remember anything other than videos, sweets and maybe a bit of paper chain making. Traditions I happily continued with mine. As well as an extra glass of sherry or two when the need arose (for me, not the kids…although…).

Put your feet up and crack open the Bailey’s. Everything will be back to normal
soon enough!

Because she probably did not know it would be so hard. She has all my sympathies.

I have an extremely energetic 2.5 year old, and as we went to pick him up on his last day (he doesn't do Mondays), I just said oh no, we have his craziness with no break for 2 weeks 😂

Luckily he loves his extended family, so when we are seeing them he'll ditch us but I get it, it's still going to be tough!

Your dh sounds utterly useless op and as others have said that needs dealing with. However, practical advice to get you through christmas. Routines are your friend. Pretend you are running a nursery. Breakfast lunch and dinner at set times. Keep it all nice and simple. Breakfast then dressed and walk, get some reigns for the toddler so they can come out of the pushchair and walk very slowly if they need to. Keep the older one busy with a scavenger hunt....can you find me a feather, green leaf, round pebble, long stick etc. Then home for lunch (cheese sarnie, grapes and cucumber followed by a yogurt or something easy). Get the older one engaged in washing up while you clear up. Then do some sort of easy craft (stickers, stamps, finger paint etc), nap time if they still have naps and then, make believe play time....it's amazing how easy it is to play Dr's and to be the patient....or to play shops with some cans from the cupboard. Tell your useless dh that it's his job to cook dinner for 5 pm. After dinner, plonk them in the bath for a nice long wind down before bed. Yes it's exhausting but you can build in little wins. A walk past a nice coffee shop. Get dh to sit with them while they are in the bath. Pre make the lunches for a few days ahead.

If I was having a day juggling the kids at home and my husband told me off for not having the kids dressed properly I'd be pretty cranky

Lower expectations

My worst nightmare when my DC were small was soft play, I actively avoided it like the plague due to being confined to one area with them😫. I need outdoors! At least if outdoors you benefit from it as well. Nothing at all to benefit from as a parent sitting in soft play. It's sh*t IMO.