To be dreading the holiday

[nonotchristmas]

I broke up today. Kids off for two weeks. They go to private day nursery but because of the days they do (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) they are in Monday and then that’s it, because Wednesday is of course Christmas Day and nursery is closed for a week so the next day they are in is Friday 3rd January.

And I know I’m going to be roasted like the turkey for this but I’m dreading it. Two weeks where I won’t get a single break from them, in the house they fight and whine and the youngest follows me round crying to be picked up all the time. Feeding them is increasingly expensive and challenging. Entertaining them is a nightmare, I’ve booked a few things but everything is so expensive again with a Christmas premium on it, I know I’ll get told to ‘just take them to the park’ but please don’t: parks are absolutely lethal with a completely fearless preschooler and a cheery but clueless toddler: slippy equipment the slip on and smash their chins open (ask me how I know) so soft play it is, again and again and again.

But it’s the day in day out nature of it. It’s knackering and two full weeks of it is hideous. And expensive. And help me

I'm sorry you are feeling stressed and down.

Ignore any judgey comments - your children are very young and at that age, kids are bloody hard work! I only have one who is now 11 and an absolute dream, but I found the under 4 years stage so bloody hard!

Like yours, his attention span wasn't great and he needed entertaining.

Lots of good suggestions on here already, so apologies if I repeat any.

Could you take them swimming? Most council pools will be open except for the main holiday days. I know that might seem like hard work and it does depend if they like water, but it's generally fairly cheap and will tire them out. I used to take ds in the morning and then he would be calmer in the afternoon.

Definitely embrace soft play - I know it's grim for adults but kids like it, you can get a brew and it's mess and noise somewhere that isn't your house.

Some libraries also have a few toys/colouring bits so definitely see if they are open - again, we were regulars at ours. DS loved the books/toys/colouring and it was out of the house.

If you can afford to, take them to a supermarket cafe for lunch/tea - my ds still loves tesco cafe 😂😂 kids meals are usually fairly cheap and you can either eat or just grab a drink/cake. Again, keeps them entertained/fed/mess not at your house (see the theme emerging here 😂)

Basically, I used to aim to do something out of the house every day - cheap if possible or free - we have bridle ways near us - if you have paths locally, use those, let both walk but take buggy for when youngest gets tired.

Good luck!

@nonotchristmas oh how the hell did we ever manage back in the days before soft plays came into being??? we couldnt afford things like that! if we went swimming (hard to find nowadays in my area!), then we could do nothing costly for the rest of the week! I personally think soft play areas are more stressful than going to a park!!!

don’t worry about the mess oh I do because I know who has to clear it up.

@Lobstercrisps fair enough your kids never went swimming or did soft play or role play or trampolining or went to the theatre for kids shows or went on holiday or anything like that. Mine do. We’re all different.

I get it. This time last year I would have said the same but now one DC is in school and I’m looking forward to it. It gets easier as they get older. It’s easier in the summer as well there’s a lot more places to go, winter is expensive.

Do you have friends with children you can meet up with? Share the load.

Also can I ask what you have booked for after Christmas please as I need ideas?

how the hell did we manage

By having kids go out and entertain themselves largely, often with disastrous results.

Another woman having kids with a useless man.

I meant don't let the mess put you off.
Eg dens make a mess but can stay up for a few days until the kids get bored.

No point sitting in a pristine house going crazy!

I honestly cannot understand this. Mine weren't in day nursery as I was a sahm, both have sn so had specialist very pt preschool places from 2. You learn to manage 2 small children 2 years apart, you learn to manage their health needs, their behaviours, and quite frankly you make their dad play their part. There weren't all these paid for activities and I can't help but think kids today are over stimulated, they aren't learning how to manage their own time due to full time nursery (needed due to work) then parents arranging activities for the remainder of the week. I got my first "break" once the younger started preschool which was 90 mins and we watched through those special mirrors! Looking back it wasn't easy but I did need to accept the mess and let them have free play in the house and yes risk the park, only had to go to a&e twice.

Pinky Flamingo, I had children with a useless man , thousands of women do because at the time we didn't know how they were going to be in a family setting. It usually works out well in the end. Your comment doesn't had anything to the this thread. It's meaningless and mean spirited.

I don't understand why you have to take them to paid activities.

The kids will be happy pottering about in the woods, you didn't need to walk round them at all, let them walk a bit and play with sticks and leaves etc.

Take them a rec and chuck a frisbee or kick a ball around.

Go scooting/cycling...

Often? Really?

nonotchristmas · Today 08:12

how the hell did we manage
By having kids go out and entertain themselves largely, often with disastrous results.

Absolute rubbish!! my kids were never left to entertain themselves. I did things with them which you actually seem unable to do. My kids turned out exemplary. No drugs, no tattoos, no crime activity, good occupations and lovely children!! I was quite a strict parent as regards behaviour and it was instilled in them but they still got freedom to a certain extent. they enjoyed their childhoods!!

Now we’re getting the back in the day advice. My parents tell wild stories about back in the day. My dad took a sledge out with his cousin (aged 4 and 5) there was no snow but a large hill meant they picked up a good pace, his cousin hit a wall at the bottom and broke both his legs at the bottom.
My mum played out regularly from the age of 2 and their game was to try and out run the local paedophile. She was unsuccessful on one occasion and he put his hands down her pants.

Op it is so hard single handed wrangling two children. I found planning one morning and one afternoon activity really helped. Those themed muffin kits really helped me when mine were younger, 30 minutes to cook then silence when they were eating. My very clingy son was put in charge of putting washing on the airer and he still does it now.

I just want to remind other people responding on this thread that the site is a SUPPORTIVE PARENTING site. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

That is a very valid point of how life was when many of us were children, though not always with bad things happening.

@Lobstercrisps

Neither did I, there wasn't so much available, we didn't have the money and with dd being autistic it really wasn't an option if it was for "normal" kids. The exception was music related activities, she loved children's concerts, sat through serious musicals, opera etc from young (there was a sound proof box, with speakers at the back of our local theatre for a family), loved church, no surprise she's a professional musician.

Toddlers and preschoolers are full on and they are messy but you go with the flow

Is the here a bridge over a stream near you for playing Pooh sticks, large puddles to stomp around in, muddy walks?

I'm just thinking back to when my dc were that age. Things I'd do with them were; take them to the lake, to feed the ducks, we'd take a packed lunch with us, so it took a few hours, just wrap up warm. Some afternoons, if they were getting resletess, I'd run a bath and put toys in there. They'd happily play for an hour (yes you have to stay with them but it use to really chill my 2 out). I also did various soft play, parks. We lucky as we live along the costal path, so a few hours with their bikes did the world of good! Basically fresh air and excerise, they will play better in the house then. Can you meet up with friends? There's bound to be some free activities going around. Checkout your local Facebook pages. Get your dh off his useless arse and get him to pull his weight!

If you just went out, presumably your husband would have to parent the children? Assuming he's just a lazy arse, rather than neglectful or abusive? Even if he just sat and watched cartoons with them and fed them bananas.

Any mum friends, or family about? I find being out of the house with my two much easier. Day bag packed the night before. Even if it's just a playdate at someone's house. Or if the weather is at least dry, take them out to the park or on a nature walk.

Is the eldest, old enough to safely play by themselves upstairs? Ours did from 3 years old, in a child proofed room, with the baby monitor in there. Was actually really cute hearing him play all of his imagination games when "alone". He initially didn't like it much, but we had a timer in there, showing how much time was left. Also got some really fun 2nd hand toys, that he could only use in his room. We put him up there preemptively, when it looked like the kids could do with some time apart (or I needed a break).

Rewards / punishments for playing nicely / badly together. Put the onus on them to get along. Only works for me about half the time, but worth a shot. Especially with the eldest.

Most importantly, try not to excite them anymore than they already will be. Young children don't do well with being really, really excited ime - they can't cope with it and then act up. Better to try and keep them on an even keel as much as possible. Mine only have none-too-stimulating cartons, for this reason (Peter Rabbit and Blippi are good).

Someone else offered a basic structure for the day that I’d have done on your situation. Out in the morning, lunch out, home for some CBeebies and play.

Mine are only a bit older and I do remember it was hard but I did enjoy just getting out and doing pretty much anything with my children when they were small and CBeebies was amazing.

Mine didn’t go to nursery so I was used to filling out days and in term time we always had a good structure of playgroups, music etc. Holidays could be tougher when some groups didn’t run.

I know it’s hard to hear but it sounds like they both really just want you. It’s such hard work but so important. Just lie on the floor and build duplo towers. Easy to clear up. Lie on the floor and let them climb on you. Lie on the floor at watch Bluey. Make lunches that are basically just chopped stuff from the fridge. Read endless books. Give them a bath any time of the day and let them play in there (while you lie on the bathroom floor 😂).

Wrap them up and walk for an hour just to get hot chocolate somewhere. All things I did a lot of. Meet up with friends. Take the train somewhere.

I know it’s hard, I know smaller ones protest about buggies and larger ones get tired of walking and they wet themselves and spill things and cry and fight. But it’s only a few days and none of that matters much really.

I can’t say anything about your husband. Mine was crap at that age too. I expected nothing and got exactly that. Was shit.

What happens if you do nothing with them?

Just stay at home, stick Peppa Pig on auto play and let them play with their toys?

You don't have to be out doing an activity all the time, you don’t have to spend any money and it's less tiring for you if you don't have to be packing bags, loading the car, rushing to be somewhere. Sometimes it's good for everyone just to chill out at home.

Feeding them doesn't have to be expensive, buy loads of fruit, cut it up and make vegetable sticks, crumpets, toasts, own brand yogurt/fromage frais, mini pancakes....

Maybe where you are, here hardly anything is free, in fact things that are usually free seem to be charging- even the garden centre is asking for a few quid to look at the christmas bit ffs (not santa, that's £20, but to view the room they've decorated with stuff they're selling?!). There's parks which again depends on the quality in honesty, here they have anti slip and some shelter so would be fine, there are also some lovely walks but this isn't the case everywhere. What are all of these free things doing? Only extra things I've seen are £££.

Why pressure yourself. What's wrong with staying indoors and watching a good Christmas movie or a Disney classic. Get some treats in, why not bake & Get the kids involved.? Craft activities you can buy cheap. Yes it will be messy but that's the joy of it.

Go for a walk. It costs nothing.

Don't fall into the trap of ' I should be doing this' just spend time together, indoors, relax and have a happy Christmas 😊

do you have friends or family you can visit or invite over? Mum friends w similar age kids? Any kid-friendly museums around?

Classic!

Things don't always turn out as we expect. She probably didn't know what a an absolutely useless twat her DH was before she had kids. Also, some kids are much harder work than others.