To be dreading the holiday

[nonotchristmas]

I broke up today. Kids off for two weeks. They go to private day nursery but because of the days they do (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) they are in Monday and then that’s it, because Wednesday is of course Christmas Day and nursery is closed for a week so the next day they are in is Friday 3rd January.

And I know I’m going to be roasted like the turkey for this but I’m dreading it. Two weeks where I won’t get a single break from them, in the house they fight and whine and the youngest follows me round crying to be picked up all the time. Feeding them is increasingly expensive and challenging. Entertaining them is a nightmare, I’ve booked a few things but everything is so expensive again with a Christmas premium on it, I know I’ll get told to ‘just take them to the park’ but please don’t: parks are absolutely lethal with a completely fearless preschooler and a cheery but clueless toddler: slippy equipment the slip on and smash their chins open (ask me how I know) so soft play it is, again and again and again.

But it’s the day in day out nature of it. It’s knackering and two full weeks of it is hideous. And expensive. And help me

He wasn’t having a day juggling ‘the kids.’

He was having a day with one child, which he decided to spend working. But this is by the by. I’m just explaining I don’t tend to bother leaving them with him as it generally causes more work for me. He will do things either way a clear instruction (here are DS’s clothes, can you get him dressed?) but there’s no way I’ll have an equal amount of help for the two weeks they are off.

No need to judge high up there on your pedestal. Give us a big wave then!

OP is here for support.

🤦‍♀️

Those posts don’t bother me. I do spend time with them, I’m just a tad daunted at (almost) a full fortnight with both of them and lots of rain, wind and cold and with our usual haunts closed or hiked up to ridiculous prices.

It's so hard work with little ones at Christmas at you will be feeling under so much pressure to provide a magical Christmas for them. I've been there and yes it should be a partnership with your other half but sometimes is isn't and that's an issue for another day. As a another poster has said , you must lower your expectations and just concentrate on the basics at the moment. Do little simple things with the kids so you are rested as much as possible. It's important that they have a calm mum that they can look to. Ignore the sad posters that are getting pleasure from kicking you when you are down, they have their own issues to deal with. You are in the midst of it at the moment but take advice and support from us. You are a mum and you are doing great. After Christmas when its all died down , you can cuddle your kids on the sofa and see how lucky and loved you are.

Your DH sounds absolutely useless. I'd be that much of a cow that I'd have to say something to embarrass him in front of his parents about how they raised a lazy useless man child. Walks, parks, soft play, swimming, cinema. Things don't have to cost a fortune to get out of the house for a while.

I think it's absolutely awful that you dread spending time with your own children to be honest.

I'd be disgusted if my DH didn't bother doing personal hygiene for DS like brushing his teeth and just gave him crappy food rather than actual meals, let alone the soiled pants and not being dressed appropriately. It's lazy, and it's exactly the point OP is making. As a one off it's debatable that's it's acceptable (I disagree but still), but by other posts he'd do the same every day, so unless OP does it this child would not have their teeth brushed, wouldn't be dressed properly, would eat crap, be left in soiled underwear and never go out to do stuff; does that sound decent to you?

Mine were 23 months apart.

We basically lived at the park. I don't get your reticence. (and yes my daughter got hit in the mouth by a swing and we needed a paramedic, so I do understand they can be dangerous).

We found a nice park for toddlers which was gated and as soon as the children finished their lunchtime sleep, all the mums would meet at the park in all weathers.

Small DC wore all in one puddle suits with mittens and we let them crawl around on the floor.

Older DC spent two hours going up and down the slide or swinging. Someone would take a flask and cake or biscuits.

All DC would be exhausted by 4pm.

In my opinion soft play was hell on earth and I would only go in absolute extremis. So parties etc.

Sometimes you need to thoroughly wear them out to get a bit of peace and quiet.

Why? 2 weeks with young children where most things are closed or unaffordable along with crappy weather lots would find challenging even if they darent admit it.

Do you have a local friend with same age kids? Could you do a deal they have both yours for a morning you have theirs?

I really don’t care …

God I wouldn’t expect anyone unpaid to have my children, every mum friend I know only has one or an abundance of support so wouldn’t need a swap.

If your kids love big gross motor soft play type activities I'd invest in stuff for home.

You can buy an indoor trampoline, some big soft bricks, tunnel, play tent etc.
I use to have a big ball pool thing that doubles up as a paddling pool in summer.

Also puddle suits/ wellies and they can do it outside too. I'm for a bath which if they stay in it an hour - brilliant!

It's awful when you feel in the relentless negative cycle and are so tired so I'd spend the money on getting what you can for home so at least you can sit with a coffee on the sofa whilst they play.

At least OP is being honest in a forum where support and solidarity is needed. Not criticism.

I look back and did have that feeling of dread years ago too. I don't now as they are all at least school aged. But have two with additional needs which comes with different challenges...

Easy to cast stones for some on here I suppose...

Haha, there's no way I would watch someone else's children if I was already finding my own challenging 🤣

I feel your pain - similar situation though a more present DH. Some ideas (these are all designed to give you a break - lots of great ideas on here about what you could do with them as well):

big boxes if you have them, Hobbycraft ‘colour in’ pirate ship / houses if not, and a tub of pens - usually gets me half an hour’s peace

’painting’ outside with washing up brushes and water and chalks

make a fort out of tables, chairs and blankets and let them take all their books and toys in - a nightmare to clean up, but they usually do spend a lot of time in there

set up ‘stations’ of eg Lego, vehicles, trains so they can freely move to structured things, can buy you some time

give their soft toys a bath - loads of bubbles to keep it interesting (then just chuck toys in washing machines)

washing up / cleaning the kitchen - washing up bowl of Fairy and water with their plastic plates to wash and a spray bottle of water and a cloth for them to ‘clean’ cupboards

most importantly, give yourself a break - set expectations with DH that he’ll eg watch them eat dinner so you can take half an hour up in your room. You can do this!

Various soft plays to mix it up. Some have little pretend towns in as well which is a break from just climbing up and sliding down.

Mini farms.

Swimming if you have another adult to help.

Local gymnastics places might run preschool sessions, ours do.

Round here the light trails are all running until 5 Jan so that's an option for late afternoon.

Get the bus / train somewhere, have lunch out, come home - although last time I did that we had to get a taxi home because the bus was going to be another hour.

Do they like doing stuff at home? Making a gingerbread house for example or a treasure hunt around the house.

There's more to do than any other time of year and loads of it is free. Only time things are closed is Christmas day. And the weather is pretty good for this time of year.

Some people have a talent for being miserable, no matter what.

It's hard when the kids are small. They are whiney and it's hard to entertain them for long. My son used to be so hard to entertain as a toddler. Some days we'd have gone to five different parks, softplay, done arts and crafts, played with toys, sensory play, build a fort and I'd look at the clock and it would be 3pm. My son is now 6 and today he wants to watch christmas movies, bake then go to Costa for a hot chocolate! You really need to be assertive and get your dh to do his part. Don't just accept his laziness even if you have to say I've booked a slot for softplay you can bring the children while I have a bath and read a book!

Well yes; you’ve shown your talent for happiness on this thread 😏

Thanks for ideas. In fairness I’m not proposing for a moment u won’t do anything with them, as I’ve said I’ve booked a few things and I will take them out, I always do. But two weeks is a long time and despite what some insist it does work out expensive.

They sound very energetic, could you devise some sort of soft obstacle challenge throughout the house
Hide and seek
Make a den/ blanket fort

Outdoor bingo - make bingo cards using envelopes with different nature things you could see on a walk. Doesn't have to be fancy, I used to write on backs of used envelopes and they'd collect leaves, sticks to put in the envelopes.

Don't worry about the mess, do whatever it takes to keep them entertained.

I get it OP - you've already had lots of good ideas but a couple more for the list:
If you have a travel cot, get a couple of packs of the soft play balls and empty them in.
Roll of wallpaper lining paper for endless colouring, craft, draw round each other type stuff.
Get to the Works and stock up on craft things
Charity shops for puzzles, bricks etc
Definitely film and TV - its not lazy if you are turning it into a "thing" with snacks and duvet etc
Good old fashioned reading them a story
Swimming if you can handle it is brilliant for tiring them out
Go and walk round different neighbourhoods looking at Xmas lights
Definitely puddle suits, wellies and woolies to get out regardless of weather
Pine cone collecting and decorating - glitter ands PVA glue is your friend

Sorry, that was more than a couple but I'll add one more. Tell DH to shape up or piss off. I'm a SP and though it is hard, I don't have to cope with resentment and annoyance about what their dad should have been doing but wasn't.

I hardly ever took my DC anywhere you had to pay. I don't understand how you need to pay for everything.

Are you very inner city so the parks and pavements aren't clean?

Perhaps I have rose coloured glasses, I adored having tiny children it was the best time of parenting by far.

Sadly my teens don't want to get out the glitter or glue. 😭