To be dreading the holiday

[nonotchristmas]

I broke up today. Kids off for two weeks. They go to private day nursery but because of the days they do (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) they are in Monday and then that’s it, because Wednesday is of course Christmas Day and nursery is closed for a week so the next day they are in is Friday 3rd January.

And I know I’m going to be roasted like the turkey for this but I’m dreading it. Two weeks where I won’t get a single break from them, in the house they fight and whine and the youngest follows me round crying to be picked up all the time. Feeding them is increasingly expensive and challenging. Entertaining them is a nightmare, I’ve booked a few things but everything is so expensive again with a Christmas premium on it, I know I’ll get told to ‘just take them to the park’ but please don’t: parks are absolutely lethal with a completely fearless preschooler and a cheery but clueless toddler: slippy equipment the slip on and smash their chins open (ask me how I know) so soft play it is, again and again and again.

But it’s the day in day out nature of it. It’s knackering and two full weeks of it is hideous. And expensive. And help me

No need to swear like this at the poster!
My mother's kid also turned out exemplary!
😂

In the gentlest was possible, you are rejecting all the good suggestions here as not possible. Of course you can do crafting with your kids. I recognise the reactions you are having here (and the way you describe your children and your husband) as symptoms of depression. Can you see a GP over the Christmas break? It really isn't normal to dread spending time with your children or to have a "this couldn't possibly work" reaction to every suggestion. There is a better life for you with treatment, it doesn't have to be like this.

@nonotchristmas sorry op. 💐

two things which got me through lockdown with a baby and toddler:

Bath slime. Put slime in bath, put child in bath, give plastic toys, enjoy 45 mins peace. Turn into real bath afterwards. zimplistore.com/products/glitter-slime-baff-4-use-aqua-orange

One of these. Pushchair haters love them as it’s more like a bike. You can often find them on marketplace. babylove.ie/cdn/shop/files/rowerek-trojkolowy-movi-black-mint_11480_full.jpg?v=1729440017&width=1100

What a load of rubbish, not bothering to get him dressed, do his teeth etc is lazy in itself let alone the rest. This is exactly what OP is on about; if she doesn't do these things he doesn't bother and they won't get done.

Well then they won't get done. The world doesn't end because your kid misses a morning of tooth brushing or stays in their pjs for the day. Let the kids have some fun and let the husband mind them in his own way without insisting on doing everything your way. Unclench! Everyone around you will appreciate it.

Cause nobody tells you how difficult it is, and if they did you wouldn't believe them.

You don’t have to be gentle. No one is rejecting anything. I posted saying I was dreading the holiday so pardon me if I’m not in spasms of joy at the thought of doing Christmas crafts neither child cares about, would fill no time at all but would make a mess I would have to clear up. A lot of these ‘snuggle under a blanket and watch a film / do Christmas decorations/ walk in the woods’ are based on ideals and not reality. I mean, the woods are flooded and like a quagmire for starters.

Do you not have any friends with kids to meet up /come over

Dh needs to man up as well

Haha! I beg to differ. Sometimes it's well deserved.

Your perfect parents obviously didn't teach you or the PP that smugness is an unpleasant trait.

😜

Eh?

So if you don’t understand, a previous poster was lamenting how did we all manage before soft play and it used to be the case that from a fairly young age children would ‘play out’ with one another and would not be as reliant on parents for entertainment.

Obviously not the case for every child / family but on a societal level I don’t think anyone would argue this is true. It had upsides but also was rather dangerous if you look at the stats.

Only a small tip, but should take long enough for you to grab a cup of tea...

I used to give DCs a small bucket of water each and a paintbrush and let them 'paint' the outside of the house and the patio.

They absolutely loved it! Kept them quiet for ages.

Also - shameless play dough. Do it in the kitchen then simply vacuum the bits. Don't worry about colour mixing, who cares if it all goes brown

And I have no issues with watching some Xmas tv - snowman, Father Christmas etc are all on channel 4 on demand at the moment.

You don’t have to be gentle. No one is rejecting anything. I posted saying I was dreading the holiday so pardon me if I’m not in spasms of joy at the thought of doing Christmas crafts neither child cares about, would fill no time at all but would make a mess I would have to clear up. A lot of these ‘snuggle under a blanket and watch a film / do Christmas decorations/ walk in the woods’ are based on ideals and not reality. I mean, the woods are flooded and like a quagmire for starters.

OP, read back your message to yourself. This is exactly what I mean by symptoms of depression. Of course you can snuggle on the couch with a Christmas film or go for a walk. You are finding reasons why you "can't possibly" do anything. This is not your fault, I think you are depressed. What is your responsibility is not seeking treatment. Life should not feel this hard, there is help available. Try to recognise your negative thought patterns - this is not normal, and life can be better. Go to see your GP.

Wow, perfect!
They would be described as absent.
But, I learned about the world mostly myself.
🥺

Still some things you need to work on then, empathy and how not to be smug being two of them. Every day is a school day, eh?

I remember those days. One thing I found helped was having friends round with kids the same age. Mine wouldn’t play for long on their own or with each other when they were that age but would play much longer with other kids. And bonus was I had company too. We still had to watch them but it was less lonely.

For me (1 toddler DD) I HAVE to get out every morning, most of the time it’s to walk the dog. I try and stay out for an hour/ hour and a half and she’s a mixture of in and out of the buggy. If I think she’s going to be extra tricky, I bring a couple of ‘snacks’ for her to have in the pram.

We live rurally so it often involves muddy footpaths etc but luckily we have an out n about pram which is great on rough terrain.

We usually get back about 10.30-11 and I give her something to eat. Let her play for 20-30 mins and then put her up for her nap (not sure if yours still nap?) that takes us to 1-1.30 then we have lunch and get out somewhere, often the supermarket to pick up a couple of bits or lately looking at Christmas lights, or feed the ducks etc before back home about 3.30-4 where she watches a bit of tv and then it’s dinner, bath, bed.

i don’t bother with crafts, she does enough of that at nursery all week and like you say, it’s just mess and doesn’t hold their attention for more than 5 mins.

I do only have 1 child though and she is fairly calm so appreciate this routine wouldn’t work for a lot of people.

I feel for you op as it sounds really tough. I definitely wouldn’t have had a second child with your useless, lazy DH though after he proved himself useless the first time around!

You need to kick him into touch….or kick him out!

Can you get the 3 year old helping to tidy up? Mine loved a dustpan and brush when they were that little.

Do you think that your not used to having your children around you full time, ( no shade) I struggled on my on after school and used to sometimes dread it. Try to have some sort of routine, up breakfast washed and dressed, get out for a walk even if only to the shops to get some sweets. Sit with them and watch TV, get some playdoh. Play Duplo with them, if they're fighting they are bored. Nursery will be very regimented, maybe they need a bit of that at home. Make sure you fit in quiet time and time for you too. Loads and loads of parents dread winter holidays, your not alone

Some of you are acting like it’s the first time I’ve ever had them

I have them four days every week. Tuesdays and Thursdays plus weekends. It’s the no break in between I’m a bit exhausted at the thought of.

All the ‘you need a routine / make sure you get out in the morning!’ seriously need to be forced to eat nothing but sprouts for the entire festive period. Or sit in a room with someone who has done just that!

I completely get it OP. My son was bloody hard work when younger. He's 10 now and awesome so it does pass. We can now just hang out calmly and have a nice time so you will get there, it won't always be like this!

However you have a big problem with your husband as you know. You should be a team and he's not pulling his weight. On the days he has off from work he should be taking the kids out to soft play to give you a break. Can you not just directly ask him to do this? Would he say no?

He clearly find parenting difficult but tough shit, we all do. He can't just exempt himself from it.

You sound burnt out, OP.

ExDP never lifted a finger either with my DCs. His idea of childcare was to sit on the sofa and turn CBeebies on.

When they were late teens, I happened to mention to my GP that DP's behaviour stressed me out. We had a chat about it and she ended up telling me I was in a domestic abuse situation. Not saying that is necessarily the case for you but a DH just letting you run yourself ragged is not a good sign. Have uou told him how you feel? If so and he has not taken it seriously, I'd be worried.

These ages can feel so hard. My youngest 2 sound like similar ages, and I'm only recently able to take all 4 of my children to the park alone, because the youngest 2 would go in different directions and climb and it felt so dangerous. We used to have a bike with a handle to push it, which my children liked so much more than being in a pushchair if that's possible? Getting out and getting a walk can be so helpful.
I agree with another poster, that it does sound like you might be depressed, and you might benefit from some support with your mental health if that's an option. It also seems like a massive DH problem, that he is unwilling to help. If you can, separate the resentment and frustration that you feel towards him (which could be completely valid if he's not helping as he very much should be) from your relationship with your children, as it's not their fault that he isn't pulling his weight and you deserve to enjoy them. I do sometimes have to reframe things for myself, from thinking "I have to" to "I get to" so rather than "I have to look after them alone all day "I get to spend all day with my children today"
The youngest 2 at the moment Love playdough, which I try and set up at the table to try and minimize the mess. Water play, even if it's a bubble bath in the day. We made them a sandpit which they can spend hours in. Colouring pages or watercolor paints. Hopefully they will have some fun things to enjoy from Christmas and keep them entertained.

You can't really diagnose OP (who you have never met) with depression because she finds looking after her pre-school kids difficult and her DH is a useless twat.What's the point of doing crafting with a child that isn't interested? It's a lot of work and a lot of mess if the kids aren't even enjoying it.

I was diagnosed with PND after my third child was born and I knew I wasn't really depressed. I was just sad and angry because my mum died when my 1st child was 12 weeks old and my baby wouldn't stop crying and never slept. I hated being a mum for a while but it didn't mean that I was ill.

I agree. Softplay is incredibly stressful as you are confined to one small area. Being in a wide open space is more relaxing by far.

Allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld Honestly how self satisfied are you? My own DS is similar to your DC ,I am proud of him but some DC are easier than others! My DD has struggled .Also what the hell is wrong with Tattoos FFS? I have been treated by Nurses,Doctors, and the Chemo team many of whom had Tats! this poor lady is in the thick of it!