To be dreading the holiday

[nonotchristmas]

I broke up today. Kids off for two weeks. They go to private day nursery but because of the days they do (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) they are in Monday and then that’s it, because Wednesday is of course Christmas Day and nursery is closed for a week so the next day they are in is Friday 3rd January.

And I know I’m going to be roasted like the turkey for this but I’m dreading it. Two weeks where I won’t get a single break from them, in the house they fight and whine and the youngest follows me round crying to be picked up all the time. Feeding them is increasingly expensive and challenging. Entertaining them is a nightmare, I’ve booked a few things but everything is so expensive again with a Christmas premium on it, I know I’ll get told to ‘just take them to the park’ but please don’t: parks are absolutely lethal with a completely fearless preschooler and a cheery but clueless toddler: slippy equipment the slip on and smash their chins open (ask me how I know) so soft play it is, again and again and again.

But it’s the day in day out nature of it. It’s knackering and two full weeks of it is hideous. And expensive. And help me

Your dh makes me so angry. You should be angry with him too.
Tell him to shape up or get out.
He can't take the kids out for a bit?
Your kids are like this because firstly their age, and secondly, they need attention and quality time with parents.
You should both be giving it to them.
They'll be picking up on your unhappiness and frustration which makes them more needy.
Make a plan where both you and dh spend time with the dc together and separately.
Both you and dh give them lots of hugs and kisses, be happy to spend time with them and spend time fully engaged with them.
That way you each get a break too and the kids are given the attention they need.
Hopefully then, they can be happy to be left watching a film or playing together.

I think this age is hard. And sometimes harder if kids are usually in nursery meaning that a working mum doesn’t have local mum friends for company on trips out. I do think that can be lonely

Firstly I would be having a conversation with your DH about how he weaponised his incompetence and if he doesn't start stepping up he'll be doing this alone every other weekend.

I agree about getting into a routine that works for you during the break, and you should absolutely be telling your DH what he needs to do and when.

As a lone parent I understand your pain, but honestly life without an manchild in it is a less frustrating experience.

toy Rotation - not too many things out - and every night it changes. So it’s exciting 8! The morning and novel what is set up - e.g one day have the train set and dolly’s out - the next be the cars and duplo…

don’t give them s as l their new presents straight away. Once unwrapped - you can discreetly take s few away and bring out in the week when it’s all going crazy and you need something novel to amuse them.

do a focused activity of craft together - even if just drawing .

do a ‘tidy up time’ and story time - like they would at school/ nursery to get the house shipshape before going out etc…

library - free and ‘new’ books - will add novelty to their day.

meal plan and have plans to go places on your calendar to keep your sanity do it’s easy to stay on track

it is hard work then they are little!

Just ignore the unhelpful comments. Do you have a petting farm/zoo near you? Money again though. We used to walk in the woods when they were little collecting leaves and spotting the wildlife. Feeding ducks another great suggestion.

can you play easy board games where you & your dh have one child each so you are on a team with the one dc?

No, you will not get roasted.
However, with your choice to have kids comes the duty of parenting.
Nothing else to add.

This is parenting though. Also wtf why are you putting up with your useless husband?

No-one looks after their kids 24/7 365 days a week for decades. By the age of 4 they are in school and by the age of 18 they are adults. You don't need to use such hyperbole to make your point.

Someone else offered a basic structure for the day that I’d have done on your situation. Out in the morning, lunch out, home for some CBeebies and play.

This is exactly the structure I had with my dc when they were young.
Except mine was snacks out and lunch at home in rubbish weather.
One activity at home after lunch (playdoh, painting, drawing, sticking, baking, )
Then tv and toys for the rest of the afternoon. Freed me up.

Just keep on with the mantra 'this too will pass...'
Break your days up into morning and afternoon slots
If you need a break throw the kids at DH when he gets home and take yourself for a walk - kids will be ok, you get to clear your head ready to come home and do bathtime etc.

Free activities at the library
Woodland walks, take a bag for them to collect twigs, leaves, stones etc
Are you near a beach or near enough to drive? A run around on the sand and a paddle in the sea in wellies will tire them out.
A walk to post Christmas cards? Get them to put them through the letter boxes!
Do you have a garden? Wrap them up and give them paintbrushes and water - paint fences and pavements.

Reward yourself at the end of each day. A nice glass of wine, a decent coffee, a film you want to watch.

As they get older it will get easier. Even if that's by yourself without DH.

You are doing a great job. You don't feel it right now and having the next two weeks looming ahead of you is daunting but you have coped so far and will continue to do so.

Small kids are lots of fun if you have a village.

Less so if even your team-mate abandons the field for the pub at the start of a game and you're left playing on the pitch by yourself, alone.

Sympathies, OP.

Personally, I'd do indoor-outdoor-indoor-outdoor. So soft play - woodland walk - shopping mall - playground and cafe trip.

@nonotchristmas

Firstly ignore the self righteous idiots of this thread with the 'poor children' comments. The fact that they gleefully stick the knife in says more about them than you.

Now, its bloody tough with two that age, no matter what anyone says. So recognising that doesn't make you weak or a bad mum, it makes you a fallible human just like the rest of us.

I remember a Christmas when my mum didn't have long left and was in the hospice, I had two your age and both DH and I had the flu. I was literally on my knees mentally and physically with a big dollop of feeling guilty that the kids wouldn't have a good Christmas. So I just let go and thought just getting through the day was enough. That next Christmas they would be older and it would get better, and it did. So take the mental pressure off yourself. It gets easier with them as they get older so just keep in mind that they won't always be like this.

All I did that Christmas was put back to back films/kids TV on, leave making stuff out and toys to play with, opened snacks and stayed in PJs. I just surrendered. It was an awful Christmas for the adults but the kids didn't notice and they survived.

Obviously your situation is different and a useless DH has to addressed at some point or it will cause long term damage. But for this Christmas, you do have some breaks with family around. Don't be afraid of being vocal in asking for help. It's so isolating trying to do everything yourself. Ask your ILs to entertain the kids, put your DH on the spot to help. Push back, don't take it all on yourself.

Activities to wear them out is the key, walking is a great idea and lots of fresh air. Can your eldest kick a ball? Give DH a ball and send him to thr Park with the eldest.

If you have to go to a soft play then just grit your teeth and use it for all its worth. Anything to keep your sanity.

Try to have a little plan for each day, it will give you routine and shape the day with tasks.

Good luck and keep your chin up. It does get easier.

YANBU. I love my kids but god knows it was hard when they were younger when I had both of them non stop. Luckily Mil often had one which was a godsend because having one was so easy in comparison. It will get better OP! Just try to wear them out outside so they don't have as much energy left to bicker at home. Also try install different play sets like play dooh, drawing, playmobil, lego, trains and be overly enthusiastic. I started out playing with them and when they were caught in the game I slowly retracted:)

Also here’s some things I did w my kids at that age:
lots of Lego duplo
building dens
playing a cardboard boxes (should have loads from Christmas deliberies) ie making them into castles or drawing on them and cutting windows in them
lots of different ball games
messy play like obleck and similar

going nuts with exhaustion and crying while I let them have screen time even though I said I wouldn’t…don’t beat yourself up. A bit extra screen time or buying yourself some rest with snacks won’t harm in the long run. Don’t think you have to be superhuman and ignore all the condescending and judgmental comments. In my experience people who say stuff like what are you complaining about and I never had any issues etc etc either had very easy and privileged situations when their kids were small for one reason or another, have suppressed how hard things really were, or just had very low standards. we all just have vastly different situations in terms of how much the partner helps, the size of our home, if We have access to a garden or nature, if we have family and friends around, if we have local free activities etc. Kids are also different and some are eaiser than others, and we all had different mental and physical health too.

if you’re struggling that’s fair to admit, you have my sympathy and I hope you find ways to get through the holidays, and don’t beat yourself up if the kids or you have some hard system sometimes. Just try again next day and know that kids are resilient and don’t need a picture perfect childhood to grow up just fine.

A good tip can be to watch a Bluey episode together, then play the game in the episode - loads of them have fun ideas for games in which will keep kids entertained like playing magic xylophone or crazy pillow or whatever. Plus it means you space out the play time with a chance to sit on the sofa (and surely DH could do this too?)

And I think it's absolutely awful that you have bothered to post this just to be judgemental and completely unhelpful. How is your post helpful to OP in any way?

Building dens is a great idea. Forgot about that. It's amazing what a few sheets and some clothes pegs can do. We used to build a den, do some imagination play and then put on their favourite Cbeebies show so they could play with their duplo in there and watch at the same time. I'd make them a snack tray they could have inside. They loved it. Very simple and effective.

I feel for you ,you sound worn out! I think working FT and having little ones is bloody hard work!I think its a shame your DH is not on board yet .He may improve as DC get older .The local garden centres have FC and ours had a couple of real reindeer! You can grab a coffee or juice for them/ (DC not reindeer!) We live near the beach ,so collecting shells if possible?or a woodland walk, pine cones or small pieces of wood ,get home and paint them ? Mine used to like a drive round to see the "Ho Ho Ho houses " Peoples lights !I think you need to shift down a gear and see what they like to do ,I am an ex Nursery School Teacher and young children are tired after activities in Nursery .They need time to wind down and relax. as do you .

When mine were little I used to get a couple of memberships to attractions and then go to those places over and over again.

The best one was London Zoo membership. It was expensive but we went so many times, probably once a week on average as I had a day off. The kids loved it and could spend hours there. I didn't even mind it much myself as some of the animals and exhibits were interesting and there were toilets and places you could buy coffee. I would intersperse this with other memberships like Royal palaces for some variety. It was expensive but a fraction of the cost of what all those days out would be. Also then you could just pop in for a couple of hours.

If you have a car could you find a decent kids attraction in your area or within an hour or so and get membership to it? Then you can use it as a filler place you can always go to when the kids are bored at home.

Boasting about being the perfect mother to someone who is struggling isn't helpful.

you dont need to spend money,
a playground is ideal
indoors or outdoors

I have my grandchildren frequently ( they're 2 1/2 and 11 months) Big cardboard boxes go down well and entertain them for hours. We've had a huge ( child car seat)one on the go for months. It was a pretend kitchen . Now it's been flipped over and has fairy lights poked through holes in the top and it's a sparkly cave. The older one is very happy lying in it with his assortment of bears and books. Keeps them entertained for ages. I'm 59. I need periods of relative peace and a cup of tea. This helps. Just a thought.
The husband thing is very depressing to hear. Mine was like this. We divorced in the end.

OMG you have my sympathy! Reading your post made me shiver remembering the hell of two under 4 (with Christmas making it worse than usual!).

Crafting - don’t just don’t! 😱! A drive sobbing I recall doing on many occasion! Fuck the expense I back softplay or anything you think might help!

I know this isn’t particularly helpful but it gets much better when they leave home. Although as our baby (now 28) hasn’t quite made the move at least we can leave (our longest was three years - bliss!).

Yanbu! I have a very active 11 month old! And it’ll be me and husband and I k ow it’s going to be full on. It’ll be nice to have time with her but also I will miss the break I get when she’s at nursery.