To think she could have made an effort for 5 minutes?

[1Rainynights]

I'll start off by saying that I haven't said anything/told this person how I feel and I won't either, before anyone jumps on me. I just wanted to get other peoples opinions.

I'm making my rounds this week, dropping off presents to family and friends. The days running up to Christmas will be busy, the same for everyone I'm sure. I'm also working until Christmas Eve and wanted to get things done early rather than running around like a headless chicken the day before

I bought some presents for my friend's children and asked her last week if I could pop by on Thursday (yesterday) which she said yes to as she had no plans. I wanted to give plenty of notice as I know everyone is busy this time of year. I messaged her yesterday morning to check all was ok and she replied that she was having a lazy day with the kids and could I come on the weekend instead. I already have plans this weekend and wasn't sure if I'd have enough time (she lives an hour away). I mentioned this and just asked if I could leave them by the front door instead which she agreed to. She messaged me a couple of hours later saying thanks.

AIBU to think this is a bit, well, shit? I'm pretty sure they were sat in the living room when I dropped them off. I'm not sure I could just sit there and not even say hello if a friend was outside my house. I understand it was my choice to get them something, but if someone had made the effort for my kids, I'd certainly acknowledge/speak to them, even if it was just for 5 minutes. Being ill or having something crop up is of course different situation, but they were literally just sat on the couch watching a film by the looks of it...

To be honest I’m just a bit gobsmacked that you did a 2 hour round trip to drop some gifts off. I’d have posted or sent a voucher or something.

Yes, it was bad of her.
I hate people coming in to find a messy house, things on the way and me in lounge wear. But I would put up with it and put on some semi decent clothes for 30 min for someone thinking about my children, for sure.

You seem to do a lot at Christmas, dropping gifts off etc. Maybe scale back.

If my friend drove a two hour round trip a few days before Christmas just to drop off some gifts for my children, the very least they could expect was a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit.
This might be one of those moments where you accept that your importance to her and her importance to you do not match up.

That's- more than a bit shit, that's astoundingly rude. Really don't bother in future, with her or her kids.

It is rubbish - but you shouldn’t have offered to leave on the door step if you weren’t happy to.

Or get better friends? Ones that are worth the effort.

That would be the last time I bought her and her family presents, OP, and I wouldn't drive there again, either!

There is a guy who visits every child in the world giving out presents. He travels thousands of miles in the freezing cold and nobody stops and chats with him. You sound like you got off lightly.

@magicalmrmistoffelees sorry, I should have mentioned that I have some family who live in the same area as my friend and I was visiting them too. This is why I wanted to do it all yesterday as it was easier than making multiple trips.

Yes, that's bloody rude if she were home when you dropped off the gifts! A quick cuppa and a chat would have taken 15 mins tops? I'd be scaling back the effort I make for this 'friend' if I were you!

Be interesting to hear what thanks you receive after the kids have opened their gifts at Christmas...

He at least is allowed in and gets given a mince pie and a drink.

He at least is allowed in and gets given a mince pie and a drink.

She is not your friend.

A simple acknowledgment opening the door and saying thank you.

It's not great, but people aren't rude for taking you up on offers you yourself make. Don't offer to just 'drop things off outside the front door' like DPD or Amazon.

This person is not your friend.
Is all the running about doling out gifts necessary? Just send an E voucher or scale the gifts way down, no one needs more stuff.

@Stichintime I promise I don't! I'm really not OTT. I have a few close friends who I buy for, just little things and some of them have kids so I get them something little too. They buy for my son. I have a small family as well.

Is this normal behaviour from her. Its so strange

She was so rude.

I suspect there was a reason she didn't feel able to see you, whatever that was.

Ultimately, I think perhaps you expect an effort from people in return for something they didn't ask for in the first place. To me, a two-hour round trip to drop off presents in person is a bit OTT anyway for a friend's kids, and maybe your friend feels the same and is trying to signal that things don't have to be that big a deal?

I also suspect there's a bigger reason your friend didn't want to see you that isn't actually personal at all - maybe she's struggling with something mentally at the moment or is going through something that she doesn't want to share. I completely understand why you feel hurt but I'm guessing that when she said she just wanted a lazy day with the kids, she was expecting you to say you'd exchange gifts after Christmas instead rather than that you'd still drive over and drop them off.

She seems quite self-obsessed.

@Projectme I agree, that's what I'd do in all honestly but I certainly wasn't expecting her to offer me a drink or invite me in. I was just surprised that she didn't even open the door and say hello!

Yes, this. I don't think friend sounds self-obsessed, she told OP she wasn't up for a visit and OP insisted on dropping the gifts round anyway. If anything it's OP who had decided this was happening regardless. Is friend perhaps trying to signal it's time to stop the gifts? Did she buy for your kids?

I don't know, the more I think about the more I can see her side. In her mind, you were primarily in the area to see your family. She had agreed for you to pop in but when it came to the day, it was no longer convenient for her and she offered up a different time. That wasn't convenient for you so you offered to drop the gifts off at the door, thus suggesting you were OK with that option. She agreed. You did it.

I can understand why it feels a bit hurtful but I don't think it was so rude that you should dwell on it.

She told you she wasn’t up for seeing you that day for whatever reason, so I don’t think she can be criticised for not making the effort when you decided you were going to go regardless. I would have invited you in for a coffee, but I’d probably have been a bit peeved that I felt like I had to when I’d already said I wasn’t available that day.