To think she could have made an effort for 5 minutes?

[1Rainynights]

I'll start off by saying that I haven't said anything/told this person how I feel and I won't either, before anyone jumps on me. I just wanted to get other peoples opinions.

I'm making my rounds this week, dropping off presents to family and friends. The days running up to Christmas will be busy, the same for everyone I'm sure. I'm also working until Christmas Eve and wanted to get things done early rather than running around like a headless chicken the day before

I bought some presents for my friend's children and asked her last week if I could pop by on Thursday (yesterday) which she said yes to as she had no plans. I wanted to give plenty of notice as I know everyone is busy this time of year. I messaged her yesterday morning to check all was ok and she replied that she was having a lazy day with the kids and could I come on the weekend instead. I already have plans this weekend and wasn't sure if I'd have enough time (she lives an hour away). I mentioned this and just asked if I could leave them by the front door instead which she agreed to. She messaged me a couple of hours later saying thanks.

AIBU to think this is a bit, well, shit? I'm pretty sure they were sat in the living room when I dropped them off. I'm not sure I could just sit there and not even say hello if a friend was outside my house. I understand it was my choice to get them something, but if someone had made the effort for my kids, I'd certainly acknowledge/speak to them, even if it was just for 5 minutes. Being ill or having something crop up is of course different situation, but they were literally just sat on the couch watching a film by the looks of it...

Good, I’m glad you were already in the area because your friend was so rude not even opening the door to say hello and thank you!

That's really rude.

If you'd previously agreed Thursday, she should have stuck to the agreement. Cancelling for "a lazy day" is the worst excuse I've ever heard.

I wouldn't buy for any of them again.

I dunno. You offered to drop them on the doorstep which would imply to me that you’re happy to do that. But you’re clearly not, so don’t offer that again.

That’s absolutely appalling. Drop the rope. And don’t buy her or her kids any more gifts. You’d be better off donating to a charity.

Exactly this. I’d not bother with the gifts for them next year, OP.

I think most of us can relate and have had one of those sort of friends in our lives. Reminds me of an old, now ex friend(!) Who worked around the corner from my house but somehow still couldn't find the five minutes to pop round to exchange gifts on her way home and relied on me to drive the forty minutes to hers to drop off Christmas presents on Xmas eve! I was the mug though, I just couldn't accept that she was a user and not the friend I thought she was. Don't be a me OP. Don't put yourself out for others when there is every indication that they wouldn't do the same for you.

You asked if it was ok to come by for the second time and she said no. If you'd just turned up she probably would have had a cup of tea with you or whatever, but you opened the door that allowed her to say no.

If you were annoyed you should have said so - instead you've asked, she answered honestly, and now you're all pissy about it.

I haven't read other PP's comments so this may already have been mentioned, but I wonder whether she's worried about the fact that you are dropping presents off for her kids and she hasn't bought yours any?

Maybe she forgot you were coming Thursday and when you messaged in the morning, thought 'oh shit, I've not got any presents; I'll put her off till the weekend and I'll have chance to buy something by then'?

I have a friend a bit like this, all about boundaries and ‘I’ve blocked off this Saturday just for family time’ and you can’t even nip round and stand at the door chatting for two mins with a card, not even expecting to go in, can’t even expect her to come to the door. However if she needs something last minute or is wanting to fill time she is always after coming in for a brew and a vent. It’s exhausting tbh

We’re all different though. When I’m struggling with my mental health I withdraw from everyone and become fairly non communicative. It’s only when I come out the other side that I feel able to mention it to friends.

It was rude of her not to cancel earlier.

But there really is no such thing as a quick cup and tea … somehow it always drags out esp if the person wanting it to be quick is the host.

Next year suggest gift cards or ask if ‘it’s run its course’. Don’t mess around waiting to see what she does, deal with it.

how is OP rude wanting to gift presents???? seriously do you expect her to make another 2 hour journey on another day that 'suits' ????
she was in the area so thought she would kill 2 birds with 1 stone
I AM BAFFLED at peoples lazy cba attitudes to someone going out of their way to bring joy to another person and their children...
some people need to check themselves 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I stopped buying for people who expected gifts to be dropped off on doorsteps or at other relatives.
Surely one of the points is to actually see the person and have a quick chat or else we're all just glorified postmen.

Oh, I see I got carried away by the spirit of the Grinch a little 🤣
Yes, my mistake: I misread your op and thought that you had imposed yourself on their plans.

Anyway, to make amends: I would not give it much thought unless it's a pattern. Christmas is a very loaded time and people are pressured from everywhere, so they sometimes act out of character or irrationally (myself included). After all, you bought those presents for the children and they will recieve them. It was a bit weird? Well yes, but again, if it's a one off let it go. You did what you went to do and that's that.
Apologies again for my previous projection misunderstanding 🙏

I think that sounds a bit shit of her. Did she really expect you to do a special two hour round trip at the weekend just to drop off some presents? But then I don't get the whole 'just having a lazy day with kids' malarkey, isn't that what Christmas day and the surrounding days are for? A quick 5 mins chatting at the door doesn't ruin the whole day. People are odd, next year I'd just send a card OP.

This. She is so rude and disrespectful.but lots of people will on soon to tell you that it's her mental health and you have disrespected her boundaries etc etc... you are rude for delivering presents and just looking for affirmation. Get new friends.

What is the 'etc'? She only mentions dropping off the gifts!

Sorry OP, but this is no friend, and you're too nice running around after everyone. Time to set some boundaries for the ungrateful bastards.

Outrageously rude. I’m unsurprised at posters trying to justify it with “well maybe she….”

I agree with this.

What an ill mannered woman. I wouldn't bother contacting her again.

My friend did this once, told me to leave them in her porch. She did only live 30 mins away, but I never bothered again after that.

You should have knocked on the door to say here they are, happy Christmas, bye. She might not even have known the moment when you were leaving them there.

Yes of course there should have been a doorstep happy xmas at least.

Does she buy you a present? xx

Sorry I disagree with this entirely. It is the height of rudeness to be indoors and to not even open the door and thank a person for giving gifts.

It can be excused if you're ill - although I'd argue about how safe it is to leave gifts unattended on the doorstep for very long. But to not even open the door? Rude AF. She didn't need to invite OP in, but just a "thank you, appreciate you doing this" would go far to making OP like less of a mug.

Lazy day with the kids is almost certainly code for I've got something going on but can't or won't share.

The usual social convention if you are having a family crisis/dog has died/grandma has passed out in a ditch again is to say you are ill but not everybody wants to use that,

I would assume family shit is going down and cut her some slack