To think she could have made an effort for 5 minutes?

[1Rainynights]

I'll start off by saying that I haven't said anything/told this person how I feel and I won't either, before anyone jumps on me. I just wanted to get other peoples opinions.

I'm making my rounds this week, dropping off presents to family and friends. The days running up to Christmas will be busy, the same for everyone I'm sure. I'm also working until Christmas Eve and wanted to get things done early rather than running around like a headless chicken the day before

I bought some presents for my friend's children and asked her last week if I could pop by on Thursday (yesterday) which she said yes to as she had no plans. I wanted to give plenty of notice as I know everyone is busy this time of year. I messaged her yesterday morning to check all was ok and she replied that she was having a lazy day with the kids and could I come on the weekend instead. I already have plans this weekend and wasn't sure if I'd have enough time (she lives an hour away). I mentioned this and just asked if I could leave them by the front door instead which she agreed to. She messaged me a couple of hours later saying thanks.

AIBU to think this is a bit, well, shit? I'm pretty sure they were sat in the living room when I dropped them off. I'm not sure I could just sit there and not even say hello if a friend was outside my house. I understand it was my choice to get them something, but if someone had made the effort for my kids, I'd certainly acknowledge/speak to them, even if it was just for 5 minutes. Being ill or having something crop up is of course different situation, but they were literally just sat on the couch watching a film by the looks of it...

How is it rude when she already told her it wasn't a good day to come over.

Extremely rude not to open the door, friend dump.

This! Doesn't matter how messy my house was, I would just apologise but would definitely spare more than 5min with said friend!

YABU, you may think it's lovely to drop off presents but it just creates obligations some people don't want.

I am sort of the friend in this situation except I think I have managed to put off the friend by coming at all. I have a 4 month old who won't sleep at all right now, I am horribly sleep deprived. For someone to drop by, it means I'm on edge because maybe I want a nap right at that moment or baby is screaming and I can’t deal with him calmly because I am stressed out by your presence. The house is a mess and I don't want anyone to see it. I have nothing to offer you, I have to be dairy and soy free for baby's allergies so I have zero biscuits or treats in the house. I just want to be left alone with my baby. I don't want company or small chat.

Genuinely, I don't give a fuck about anyone wanting to buy my kid presents. She told you it doesn't work anymore, you should have stayed away. Or leave the gifts and don't moan.

I’ve something to tell you. You might want to sit down……

Because social conventions doesn't mean it's not rude just because you've said a day isn't a good day for you but offered no other resolution?

If she'd said to OP, would you mind posting, I've just got so much on, might not be in, blah blah blah then fine. But to be literally sitting feet from the door and to not answer it and thank OP? Rude.

"Happy to accept a gift from you but I'm not answering the door to thank you for it".

It's very different telling people to not bother or to post something rather than essentially saying yes I want them but fuck you and any inconveniences you might have.

OP's friend could've told her she was really sorry, but it might be best for her to return the gifts as she can't reciprocate. But she didn't.

Awful.

I haaaate people like this! Like she couldn’t even stand at the door and wave to you? Ignorant cow. It would be the last presents she’d ever get from me!

She could even have stood and chatted with OP at the door if she didn’t want to have her in or disturb the kids. Absolute height of bad manners!

We've got a book called father Christmas needs a wee. 🤣🤣🤣

Very rude, and you shouldn't bother getting them presents again if it's not appreciated.

Difficult, she may have stuff going on that she doesn't want to share. She may just be a bit rigid or rude.
I'm not saying this is you, I don't know you of course - but I have a friend who has form for turning up, even if I tell her I'm too busy. It's never a quick chat either. She once invited herself for lunch (which to be fair I was happy with the idea of) but didn't leave till nearly ten PM, despite me telling her regularly that I needed to get on with stuff.

You sound like a good person. She could have even come to the door for 5 mins and said thanks.
Some people are all me me me these days.

Maybe just only extend your energy on those who also extend theirs to you In future?

I'm mentally happier these days now I don't do people pleasing dancing for anyone who doesn't really care about me anymore. I would be really grateful that you'd gone to all that trouble of remembering me and children!

Personally, after pre-warning her anyway I wouldn't have messaged again on the day.........I would have just shown up and knocked on the door regardless. You've made every effort to be organised and ensure gifts are delivery before Christmas Day - the least she could do would be to welcome you in and offer a cuppa. Ungrateful mare springs to mind.

@StormingNorman
She just lives her life, her way, which still seems oddly unacceptable by some (oh, we live to serve others).
To hell with that.
On the other hand, OP shouldn't make such bloody effort. As I said, people are users if allowed.
😉

You were bringing gifts for her children and she couldn't be bothered to open the door. She's not your friend.

And that would be the last time I make an effort for her or her children. Extremely selfish and lazy and for me, I think the friendship would be over.

If you really would do that, you wouldn't be my friend for long. How irritating.

She clearly means more to you than you do to her. Sorry she's such a shit friend.

This.

She was INCREDIBLY rude. WTAF??

This, she was extremely rude

Are you a people pleaser?. Work on that. Dud sge buy you presents?

Golly, OP is getting a massive pile on here!

It sounds to me like her friend had completely overlooked getting a gift for OP's son and hoped that she could reschedule her visit to the weekend, giving her time to get something.

The OP had arranged the week before to visit this friend to deliver her children's presents, which her friend was fine with at the time. Had the OP not messaged her before she set off that morning, she would have arrived as planned, likely looking forward to a bit of a chat and perhaps a quick cuppa before them both going about their day. And the friend would have been shrinking with embarrassment when she realised she had forgotten to buy a gift in return for the OP's child. When the OP asked if she could instead leave the presents on the doorstep, her friend couldn't really say 'No you bloody can't', could she - she'd already said she would be in. So, if she hadn't got a reciprocal gift for the OP's son, the only way she could save face was to give a reason why she couldn't see her in person - which she did by saying she wanted a quiet day at home without visitors.

This is all sticking a finger in the air, I know. But if this was the reason, I could almost understand it....I'm sure we've all tied ourselves in knots in a sticky situation before, I know I have. If it wasn't, then to do this and not even bother to contact the OP beforehand, well I'm sorry, but it's just damn rude and I certainly wouldn't bother making a two-hour round trip do something rather lovely for her or her children again.

That's carefully mean.