To think she could have made an effort for 5 minutes?

[1Rainynights]

I'll start off by saying that I haven't said anything/told this person how I feel and I won't either, before anyone jumps on me. I just wanted to get other peoples opinions.

I'm making my rounds this week, dropping off presents to family and friends. The days running up to Christmas will be busy, the same for everyone I'm sure. I'm also working until Christmas Eve and wanted to get things done early rather than running around like a headless chicken the day before

I bought some presents for my friend's children and asked her last week if I could pop by on Thursday (yesterday) which she said yes to as she had no plans. I wanted to give plenty of notice as I know everyone is busy this time of year. I messaged her yesterday morning to check all was ok and she replied that she was having a lazy day with the kids and could I come on the weekend instead. I already have plans this weekend and wasn't sure if I'd have enough time (she lives an hour away). I mentioned this and just asked if I could leave them by the front door instead which she agreed to. She messaged me a couple of hours later saying thanks.

AIBU to think this is a bit, well, shit? I'm pretty sure they were sat in the living room when I dropped them off. I'm not sure I could just sit there and not even say hello if a friend was outside my house. I understand it was my choice to get them something, but if someone had made the effort for my kids, I'd certainly acknowledge/speak to them, even if it was just for 5 minutes. Being ill or having something crop up is of course different situation, but they were literally just sat on the couch watching a film by the looks of it...

She wasn't rude. She has boundaries. You're being ridiculous making such a big deal of this. Children have enough cheap presents

Wow.... how ungrateful u must be... you have absolutely no idea how much the gift OP bought cost her...... i am absolutely disgusted at some some of these comments when all someone was trying to do was 'gift' a present and went out of her way to do so... for those who say OP has crossed boundaries and should not have dropped the pressies around ... take a look at it from another perspective... OP was already on her way round but decided to 'confirm' which was lucky for her friend as it gave her the opportunity to say leave on the doorstep which OP did...
I would never allow a friend to make a 2 hour round trip just to drop gifts on my doorstep, i would have either followed through with the original plan or i would insist my friend not go out of her way to gift my children some presents... if you lot treat your friends like this who needs enemies 🤷‍♀️
OP... i think you should rethink this person as your "friend" ❤️

Sorry but I’m with the friend op. There’s no way it would have been just “five minutes” either.

A real friend wouldn’t force themselves on their pal and then moan about them to all and sundry

there are soo many psychic people on here too 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
AMAZING
They know what you are going to do even before you OP 🤣🤣🤣

@Honestlyhonay
I think you need to RTFT
The original plan was to meet up then the friend said they could only make a certain day
so the OP went to visit on the certain day but contacted the friend to confirm just before leaving which is when she found out the friend suddenly wanted a lazy day with the kids so the next plan was to drop pressies on doorstep....OP did exactly as the friend asked (she's a better woman than me for sure)
WHERE does OP say she was going to force herself on her friend...
WHERE does OP say she was going to go into friends house
WHERE does OP say these are all presumptions these nutty Mumsnetters make up...

To be honest this drip feed makes the entire thread void.

You weren't making the effort you originally said you had, she was matching your energy, that's what good friends do, nothing to see here.

“I think you need to…”

Yeah I haven’t got 10 hours to piece together the op’s drip feed. The friend didn’t want the intrusion. There’s nothing wrong with that.

As for “nutty mumsnetters” - I take it your post in capitals doesn’t fall into that category

She's not your friend OP, sorry. She doesn't deserve a friend like you either.

Oh fgs, no wonder we have so many rude adults now if we stretch for a reason like this.
5 minutes to thank someone who thought of your kids? I would not bother in future. This isn't a friend at all. They were at home and you had to act like a sneaky pest so as to not disturb the precious family.
Highly rude and disrespectful to you.

Who knows what your friend was thinking/feeling, but if she offered to meet up at weekend instead then obviously didn't want company that day, and opening the door to 'just say hello' wouldn't have been enough as she would have then felt rude shutting the door without inviting you in.

I wonder if she had gift(s) for you? If so when is she planning to give them to you? You could have waited until then to exchange gifts.

Personally I wouldn't be keen to drop gifts off outside door, I think I would have taken the hint and left the drop off for another day, she obviously wasn't feeling up to company for whatever reason. If she doesn't reciprocate with a gift eventually I don't think you should bother next year, she might see it more as a burden to buy gifts back.

Did she have any gifts to give you? Maybe she felt bad about that?

Everything in life is a lesson or blessing including people.
Lesson learnt and don't do it next year and don't justify yourself either.

This friend doesn't sound like the sort of friend you really want in your life. If she can't be arsed to pop to the door for five minutes on a "lazy day" and say hello and thank you for the gifts, she doesn't see you as worth her time and effort. Next year, spend time and effort on people who value you.

You are doing far too much it’s no wonder you feel resentful. Scale it back

Her actions and words show what you and your gestures mean to her. Listen.

They were happy to. They were disappointed the friend didn't seem bothered

But presumably you wouldn't leave it not only until the day friend was due over but also until the friend messaged you to confirm before opening your mouth and saying, 'sorry, I just can't do this today'.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to 'people', but in this situation I can't help wondering what would have happened if friend hadn't messaged on the day to double-check.

How mindful is it of somebody else's needs when, knowing damn well it's a busy time of year, friend has a big drive and wants to combine the visits and is told 3 hours before time, only when contacted, that she isn't up for it, but would her friend put herself out and drive all the way over just for her at this busy time on the weekend.

Mindfulness works both ways.

I don't think you can be offended about a situation you created 🤔 if you didn't wanna just drop them off, you shouldn't have offered to do that. I don't really answer my door maybe she's the same. Maybe she didn't answer when you knocked because she wasn't sure who it would be? And she did thank you when she realised it was you that called. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ultimately none of us know her reasons and whether she was being unreasonable.
you say she was in and watching tv, how old are her children? Was she actually out at the time? I have a 13 yo and a 16 yo and leave them in the house when I go to the shop sometimes, there’s no way in hell my 13 yo would answer the door when I’m out.
are the children very young? Was she mid nappy change or toilet training?
was she just in the middle of something?
was she upset and embarrassed at not getting you a gift back?
could be lots of reasons.
is she just someone that takes things very literally and doesn’t read between the lines?
you offered to drop them on the step and she said yes, maybe felt that you offered because your on a rush?
so many different reasons why this could have happened :)

This is unbelievable, she.is certainly not a friend,.I would not treat anyone like that. She should have said no please dont make the drive or let you in

You suggested a day, your friend said it wasn't convenient, you said you'd leave presents on the doorstep instead and that's what happened. I'm not sure why you're unhappy with that. Did you knock on the door and they ignored it?

It was nice of you to go to all the trouble but maybe your friend was just desperate for some quiet family time.

If you weren't happy leaving the presents on the doorstep, you shouldn't have suggested it. Maybe next time just agree a date you are both happy with. It's not the end of the world if the kids get the presents late.

Very rude, obviously not particularly bothered about seeing you or grateful you’ve bought her kids gifts. I wouldn’t bother next year.

Cut her out - if they were all throwing up and full to the brim of germs they could still have opened the door and thanked you from afar! Astoundingly rude and unappreciative behaviour. Don’t make the effort again.

I’m so sorry you have been treated this way. The whole point of Grandparents in my world is to be a bit free-range and relax the rules. My Mum was so strict with me but she’s ridiculous with her grandsons and then tells me they are spoilt (she’s the one running round after them) but it’s not harming them at all, they adore her and I had a similar situation with my Grandma. I feel blessed to have a Mum that wants to spend quality time with my children. Sure, when they were babies I did let Mum know about nap times and feeding schedules and she took my routine very seriously but that was the only thing I asked if she would mind doing. I assume you managed to raise your own children just fine (except their ungrateful streak) so you have every right to be fed-up. They need to have a word with themselves and start appreciating you.