DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

He is indeed petty and a bit of an idiot. Is he this petty about other things?

Idk I'm kinda with him depends on the child's age though

I get your point and I always stress to my kids that not everyone goes to every party. But if I was their parent there is absolutely no way I’d not invite the child of the family who gives me lifts every day. I think it’s unbelievably rude. Unless they pay you?

It depends. What does she do in return for your DH considering he is doing her massive favour?

Your family are found a huge favour for your fiend. To not invite your child is petty!

She doesn't pay us.

He is perhaps being petty, but that's quite shitty to not invite your children considering the huge favour being done for their family every single day.

Tricky. TBH I think your DC should have been invited given everything your DH has done for them. Your friend is worried about the cost of the event? Well surely your DH has saved them a huge amount of time and money with his lifts?

That said, your DH’s reaction is a little extreme.

Team husband

It is petty but why does she send them to a school she has no way of getting them to?

What does she do if your kids are off school?

I’m also with your dh on this one unless they are paying him. It must be a pain to have to take the kids every day and not just relax with his own kids. How old are they? If little it must be so stressful having to get 4 into school. He may have been looking for a way out and I wouldn’t blame him tbh!

I do think the friend should have invited them if they are in the same year and your husband is doing that for her to be honest. I wouldn't respond as your husband did but I understand why he has.

Nothing. My we were doing this as a favour, we've not asked or expected anything in return.

This

I might not agree with the reason for his decision but as it's not you doing the pick up and drop off I don't think you have any right to criticise him. Your friends lack of transport is not your husband's problem.

But this needs to be thought through in the long term and I would hope that there will be something that the friend can do in return that is outside the party invite situation. I would suggest some petrol money or some other sort of return favour that is just between the parents.

I don't think he's being petty. Unless maybe they are giving petrol money or some other compensation for the lifts. It is a real tie to always be giving lifts to another family.

Seems a bit mean of them not to invite your kids in these circumstances.

I'm with the husband, that's CF-ery to not invite the kids when they are with them every day.

Yes I totally agree.

Does your friend do anything for your Dh as a way of thanks?
Maybe hes fed up of them ( are they rude, disrespectful to him or your kids)
The lack of invite may just be the straw that broke the camels back.

While I do think your DH’s reason for not giving lifts is petty, I also read on here, and have experienced myself, how niggling it can be to be tied to giving a 3rd party a lift every day.

Is your DH really just fed up with having to pick the kids up, and is using this as his excuse to stop?

Either way, she is your friend, and if you cannot help her out yourself, and your DH refuses, it’s up to her to get her dc to school on time.

But you are not unreasonable as it stands.

I can see where your husband is coming from, your friend (and you, as i assume you are the one who offered his services) is taking the piss a bit having him take the kids to school everyday. To then not invite kid to party isnt great all.

They sound rude and mean. And what would they even do if your DH changed jobs or was away?

This ^^

She’s made a big mistake!