DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

Absolutely this.

This woman should be prostrate with gratitude to your DH if she relies on him so much.
She’s a CF, and an idiot not to have invited your DC.

Team DH here, hopefully the kid will get a bike for their birthday.

Team DH. If this happened to one of mine, I'd be telling my DH he wasn't picking up her child, not waiting for him to tell me! Absolute cheek of it, using him as a free taxi service!

Some people are just cheeky and entitled.

I’m with dh on this. Stop giving favours to someone who has complete disregard for your kids.

Nah! You dont have 2 children and a husband - you have THREE children! Your OH is behaving like a total dick in denying the child a lift to school to help out another family.
Let him think on this...........you both might need a favour one day! Enough said!

I'm with your husband I think. If she relies on you so heavily she should have invited your children, it's strange that she didn't realise this.

I mean.

I think to describe this "an unbelievable level of pettiness" is ever so slightly extreme. BUT.

It sounds like the children aren't actually particularly close friends, it's the other mum who you (and by the sounds of things not really your husband) are friends with. In which case, I personally don't really think it's the worst thing in the world for your child not to be invited to the party.

Also all this talk of petrol money, huge burden etc, it sounds like your husband is going that way anyway so isn't really hugely put out by it.

I am wondering about this bit:

He is also grieved at my friend's attitude

Is there something else your friend has done that has annoyed him?

I don't believe this is real, or it's a reverse. No parent would be stupid enough to rely on the goodwill of a friend to get their kids to school and back every day, with no backup plan. What happens when your H is ill or on holiday?

Taking someone else's 2 kids to school EVERY DAY is fucking bonkers! Considering the hassle, noise and mess of having four kids in the car along with potential coughs, colds and sickness. You're absolutely being taken advantage of here by the other family and not even inviting you to their party is peak CF.

I think YABU. He is doing the ferrying around so it's up to him who he ferries. I think it's rude for your friend not to invite your kids. Realistically, your husband is savings her a fortune and the time and effort of doing the school run so what if it cost her extra money to include them.

Let him think on this...........you both might need a favour one day! Enough said!

Something tells me if they ever needed a favour this women would be the last to offer...

Her having no other way to get them there is her problem.

He's not married to your friend though.
I am in agreement with your DH, it was very rude not to invite your child.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter what you think, it is up to your DH - and I think he has a point. Your friend has been very silly & thoughtless.

I’m with the husband! I’d be pissed too! Surely they must be friends when they spend 5 days a week together, even if they aren’t in the same friendship group. If someone was doing me a favour taking my child to school everyday the least I’d be doing is inviting their child to my child’s birthday party.

DH is far from petty your friend accepts a free lift every day
and she won’t even spend the cost of a party place as a thank you

also you mr mention he’s not happy with her attitude do obviously more to this

But He’s is justified friend doesn’t value the help enough to pay for the cost of a party place place

That's a huge favour your DH has been doing for her. Your friend is an absolute CF.

And even though you're married you do not get to decide what DH does and doesn't do in all cases.

Team DH, it sounds like your friend has completely taken him for granted.

Well the why are not going to get one from this CF friend are they? Team H all the way.

CF hasn't even offered to pay any fuel cost.

Another who thinks your friend is the CF. Regardless of kids friendship groups, she should have just told her dc that your dc were invited because your family (dh) is kind enough to give them lifts each day and that they should be included. Assume the children get on ok to and from school, I'm sure a party for a few hours wouldn't be an issue. As for the cost of a party, how much has your dh saved her in convenience and money doing the school run? She's made a big misstep here. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!

I would never get involved in a permanent lift situation as it seems an absolute nightmare. However this arrangement is between the adults who are friends. The DC can choose whoever they like to their party, they have other friends who they want there.

Why do you want your husband to do this every day when he doesn't want to? That is not what happens in a "partnership". I would not give someone so ungrateful and entitled a lift ever tbh.

Has anyone told the other family that lifts will no longer be available? It might cause a rethinking of invitations. If not, they will need to organise another lift.