DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

Is that for "leave the bestie"? If so - I'm in! LTB

I kind of agree with your husband, but if he doesn’t want to take her kids to school anymore then he should be the one who tells her, don’t get involved.

start charging £10 a week

Yes, you can. Interesting that you are clinging to the 18% minority vote rather than the 82% majority. Even without party issue they're taking the piss. Go Team Husband!

Similar here. Friend went through a tricky divorce. For four years (i repeat FOUR YEARS) i had her boys after school 3x a week and had them stay at mine when she travelled to work (and, it later emerged, went on overnight trips with boyfriends) for between 6-9 weeks of the year for periods of 5-10 days at a time. Never took a penny, though she did bring me a bottle of duty free perfume once and the odd bottle of wine. When my DD had mental health issues (AuDHD, anxiety, self-harming) I asked whether she would mind chatting with her boss about the ongoing need to travel as I felt it was unfair on her boys to be exposed as well as adding a layer of stress to my kids at a difficult time - note, she had offered to do this before knowing of DD’s MH issues. Friend had a melt down.

We went into lock down 6 weeks later - she has NEVER once contacted me since. No check-in in to see how were during lock down, no check-in on my daughter who overdosed/was hospitalised a few times, no invite to see her new post divorce house.

To say I am bitter is an understatement, not least because I was obviously attached to her boys and have no idea how they did or where the older one has gone to uni etc. I would never help a ‘friend’ like this again.

Team husband. My DH used to do morning lifts for an awful child whose lovely mum reciprocated with afternoon lifts. This little horror was always late, fought with the DCs, picked his nose in the car and farted all the way to school. For years. It’s absolutely no fun giving other people’s children lifts but if you feel so strongly you should do it yourself, even if it is in the wrong direction for you, you can just get up earlier.

Agree. If you want to be a complete mug for this 'friend;' you can do that, I guess. But I hope your husband stands his ground. For all your talk about marriage being teamwork, or whatever, you're not really being supportive of your husband. You're also not the one doing the driving around, so it should be up to him.

the party they are arranging only has a limited number of spaces, and you cannot expect them to include my DC, and the exclusion of another friend, just to keep my husband happy.

Yes you can. If this was the case with a '10 year old of mine I'd be saying 'suck it up buttercup, they need to be invited as it will be really ungrateful and rude not to'

And you cannot expect your husband to keep on driving them, just to keep her happy.

That was thoughtless of her saving a few quid for a party when you and your husband spend pounds on petrol and don't even ask for a contribution.

He is the one doing the driving so he is the one with the deciding vote.

Your friend has been really awful to you and your kids as well really. Sorry OP.

OP, why are you so desperate to keep this woman on side? Is she blackmailing you or something, that’s the only reason I can think for someone being such a mug, and worse of all you are expecting your husband to be a compete mug too. How has she never offered any petrol
money or shown any kind of gratitude? I hope your husband stands his ground.

And taks this opportunity to step out now from this user behaviour - She will know exactly why your husband has stopped the driving.

Maybe she doesn't have to invite your kids because your husband drives them.

But your husband is upset for his kids & it has maybe made him wonder why he is driving kids who aren't friends & for a woman who doesn't appreciate it?

82% of 2842 votes and counting?!...

I think you have your answer here OP.

Agree with PP this is a nominee for Classics.

Reframe this, your husband is not a doormat and you have been. Why are you worrying about your friend's schol run? That is for her to sort out. Good for him.

I can understand him being pissed off.
Why did she send her send her kids to a school she can't get them to?

Team husband here. It's irrelevant how old the children are, they are not his responsibility and he does not need to justify why he's no longer willing to ferry them around. The free loading should stop now. I do believe this is the CF friend. No one could be that blinkered unless the friend knows something about the op she doesn't want others to know

I wonder how long OP's DH and kids have been putting up with this arrangement for!

Wow, this thread is almost full....do you have 1 parting comment, OP? Have you seen the error of your ways?

Nothing else to add. We will sort it out, I hope.

Your DH has made a very understandable decision. The sorting out needs to be done by your 'friend'!

Agree with others, I don't think your husband is petty. An invitation to the party would demonstrate that she appreciated the help that you have given her. You should stop trying to rationalise her lack of respect. Your DH does the driving so he ultimately gets to decide if he wants to continue offering the lifts.

Have you told your 'friend'?

im so sorry that happened to you. what a massive massive cow.

Your friend has made a decision your dh has made a decision.
I'm team DH,your Friend was rude and it's really not very nice to do that to someone who you rely on.

He sounds like he’s a bit yin and yang - capable of very good deeds but conversely very likely to take offence. This is the problem with very good people, they can get a bit het up too.

Well that sums it up nicely!