DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

I think that not inviting your DC if they'r enot part of the core group is understandable but I have to admit, I'd also be a bit miffed if my child wanted to go to the party and wasn't nvited as we're doing this huge favour.

I'm also quite surprised at your casual attitude to doing this favour. We have a small group of friends from the school run who all do favours for each other of this sort but I'd be pretty pissed off if I consistently did a favour for one and never got any favours in return, x100 if they then hurt my child's feelings by not inviting them to a party.

Team husband. Talk about bite the hand that feeds you!

I'm with your DH on this one. Your friend sounds like a cf and is taking the piss. You say your DH does the school drop offs as a favour so you don't expect to be repaid but does your friend do anything to show appreciation or to reciprocate? Otherwise it's less of a friendship and more like she's using your DH.

I'm with him tbh, she's a user

He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

What's her attitude?

I agree with your DH here, especially if by attitude you mean she's either rude, ungrateful, or demanding.

I'm totally on your husband's side, OP. If someone was taking my kids every day for free, you bet I'd be inviting their kids to my child's party! Even if they weren't close and had different friends, I would be mortified to be accused of not inviting them or for anyone to think I was a user. Some people!

Yes this. She’s happy for the friendship between your kids to benefit HER children, but not your children! Team DH all the way!

I thought so, but you dint appear to be supporting your husband?

I think the fact that this reveals to DH that the DC aren't close friends matters. He thought he was happily collecting their good friends on the way to school every day. But just some other DC who aren't even close? He will be feeling not just slighted by your friend, but that is not worth it, if his dc aren't even having time with their good friends.

I can't believe you think her behaviour is ok. Your husband is following the sage advice of when someone shows you who they are believe them.

This women is taking advantage of his kindness and he's obviously not appreciated in doing this favour so I don't blame him one bit for putting a boundary in place to stop her walking all over him.

I'm staggered you've not expected anything for this arrangement prior to this though.

absolutely, it seems very very rude it’s a really big favour to ferry kids to school both ways

Team husband all the way! It was very rude of her to not invite your DC.
How can cost be the reason when she has literally save loads of money by your DH taking and collecting her children every day. Very bad judgement on her part.

Not "we" HE . He was doing a huge favour, she shows no appreciation and couldn't spare two spaces at a once a year party?

Nah she's shown she's taking him for granted and he's not willing to be taken for granted by his wife's friend.

Team husband too.

Your friend is not acting like a friend. Your husband takes her two children every school day, she doesn't pay towards petrol. She taking you for a mug.

Yes but you are not doing the driving so it's a bit cheeky of you to use the term we in relation to this favour. You are not doing the favour, your husband is.

I agree - they were petty first

I certainly would not bother to drive her child around based on the non invite. Call me petty - hell yes. In this instance, definitely!

Your DH is doing your friend a big favour, without reward, and has been doing this a long time. If he stopped for no reason, it would be entirely fair, and the friend would have no grounds at all to be annoyed. With that, if you DH wants to stop because of the absence of an invitation, that's entirely reasonable.

I'm with your H.

This woman is taking you all for granted and being very high handed. It's extremely rude not to invite your children to the party. It's extremely rude to not pay for a lift to school but exclude your children from the party on grounds of cost. It's extremely puzzling that her children are not friends with yours despite being in close quarters with them daily.

Is it possible the other children are rude to either him or to your DCs in the car? Do they smile and say good morning, thank you, etc? Or do they sit in the car like lumps and treat your husband and children like a taxi service?

I think you're encouraging your husband and children to put up with being treated badly if you can't see his pov here.

Team husband, sorry.

'We ...' 😂

I expect your husband has found this a PITA for ages, and now your friend has handed him an excuse on a platter to stop and think why HE would be taken advantage of like this.

Also, if your husband feels like he has been aggrieved and is feeling offended that a favour which he is doing is not being appreciated, then that's when the partnership would surely kick in, wouldn't it? Surely that's what a partnership is; if your husband feels like he's being mugged off, you take him seriously and back him up?

Also it’s not your problem how they now get to school. It never was. Your husband was taking them as he believed it was a friendship of the children. It’s a favour not a given

Team Husband here, all the way!

Your friend sounds like a cheeky fucker.

DH thought the kids were friends, so was willing to play taxi for those friends. Well, turns out they're not friends. So why play taxi.

Your "friend" is an adult and needs to sort out getting her kids to school herself. Like millions of parents around the world already do.

@Owlsz what is the attitude he doesn’t like.

i think I’m team dh too. It’s very rude of her not to include your children.