DH showing an unbelievable level of pettiness

[Owlsz]

DH takes and collects my friend's 2 children to school every day, as well as our two. We live a 20 minute drive from the school and it's on the way to DH's work.

My friend's child is having a birthday party but hasn't invited my DC despite being in the same year group at school. I don't see any problem with this as they have different friendship groups and my friend is inviting a limited number of children because of the cost of the event. My DC has indicated they would have liked to attend but understand why they weren't invited.

DH does have an issue with this and is refusing to take my friend's DC to and from school, starting from the next year, calling the non- invitation an insult. He is also grieved at my friend's attitude, so is probably using this as an excuse.

I've pushed him to reconsider but he has refused.

I cannot take the children to school as I'm at work. My friend has no other means of transport, there is no one near her that is travelling in the same direction.

I'm with your husband! Those children walk to school together every day, they surely have some level of friendship because of this, it was horrible of her not to invite your child especially after everything you do for her. Hopefully it will teach her some manners.

Team husband as well.

Your DH is not petty and I hope you aren’t giving him a hard time over this. The other parent is a user. Has she ever even offered to contribute to fuel?

well the mate has rather shot themselves in the foot there, havent they? There will be an atmosphere now even if he re-considers. No good deed goes unpunished, as they say.

Doubt the OP will be back with the way this thread has gone😂

Wow. If I were the friend I would have invited your kids whether hers wanted them there or not. You are doing them a massive favour every day. So they're close though to go in the car together but not to go to their party for a few hours?

Op you clearly are either a very kind and caring person or a complete doormat. I can decide which. Your husband picks up 2 extra kids every day, I expect it does require some sort of detour, for no reward, no petrol money, nada. The kids are together twice a day.
Yet you have sided with the person who didn't invite your child to the party. How is he going to feel when they talk about it in the car?
You are showing your son that other people can hurt his feelings, or at the very least take advantage of your good nature and that doesn't matter, as long as it doesn't upset the other mum. Your teaching him that he doesn't matter and he should always give in to other people and their wishes

She's not your friend, nor are her children friends with your children otherwise they would have invited them.

Your DH is a free taxi.

I got trapped into it once. Thought I was being kind. 6 months later I knew I was being used. It's easily done. There are some parents who deliberately make friends with people they can outsource childcare to for free. It's a thing.

It sounds like you basically volunteered your husband to do this massive ongoing favour and you're taking some of the credit for it but none of the inconvenience.

I have a relative like this. She volunteered both of us to do some very early morning volunteering. I don't see her often so I agreed, to spend time with her. Of course (of course!) she didn't show up, and I did 3h of hard physical work. Then afterwards she said it was good she suggested it to me as otherwise I wouldn't have done it! Trying to claim some credit for the volunteering I did, outrageous.

Inviting them to the party would have been one thing I would have earmarked “I must definitely do” given the massive favour you so her every day

Are the kids friends or just car share acquaintances?

Why has your friend put her kids in a school that she can't get them to?

If she is acting ungrateful then I don’t blame your husband at all.

Wha typical circumstance I'd agree with you, he's taking this person/people's dc to school every single day for free? Ya, that family is incredibly rude and there should have been no question, your dc should have been invited and they should be either being generous with thank you gifts at the end of each term etc., like vouchers for a meal out and offering to baby-sit for you for free so you can go out, or buying petrol vouchers etc.

They are entitled and I'm certain that's why your husband is resentful.

You're seeing this as a favour from one grown woman (who's actually got her DH to pull it off for her) to another grown woman, not something that requires reciprocity or involving anyone else. A standalone thing from one friend to another.

Your DH sees the lifts as a grown man helping a grown woman with her maternal duties (where's her DH in all this?), and expecting some sort of recognition in the form of at least decent behaviour towards his own DC.

I'm 100% with your DH. Partly because of the principle of it, partly because he's the one actually giving the lift. Honestly, it's more than a bit rich for YOU to accuse him of pettiness! What are you bringing to this party? Nothing.

I think you're sore that your DH is going to stop doing what you've told him to do, and it's going to make for a difficult conversation with this friend (some friend ffs).

This has to be a reverse.

What do you mean "we" do this as a favour. Your DH is doing the favour, and his is well within his rights to stop doing such a massive favour for any reason, or no reason at all.
It is not your place to volunteer his services on a permanent basis.

How long has this been going on and when is it likely to stop? What age are the kids? And has she ever given you a bottle of wine or a box of chocs? She's a freeloading piss taker. Team DH here.

Yeah I think this is it. The friend should offer some token of thanks - with Christmas coming up I hope she has bought a family cinema voucher or a little hamper for OPs family or even a large box of chocolates! But I’m not sure her giving an invite to her kids birthday would be the right thing to do here.

I can see it from both POV and ideally they would’ve been invited, but really we don’t know the friendship dynamics. Maybe OPs friend hoped her child would invite OPs kid too but they didn’t and she wanted to respect that.

Perhaps OP’s child would end up being left out if they came when they weren’t particularly wanted by the host child.

Some kids have great social skills and will interact with kids they don’t normally talk to in that situation, but some are more cliquey and it’s not necessarily malice. OPs friends kid will be busy being centre of attention as it’s their birthday, and it will be mostly left to the other guests to interact with OPs child and they may not be up to that.

Honestly, it's more than a bit rich for YOU to accuse him of pettiness! What are you bringing to this party? Nothing.

Agree

Ain't that the truth

Another vote for the husband. Your friend is using a free taxi service but can't spare a few quid to include your kids in a party? I would not be offering further lifts.

Team husband here. HE is doing the lady a big favour and not you. I'd think different if the kids were hugely different ages but otherwise this is just rude.

Yes, but that doesn't mean you get to take the credit when he's the one doing someone a favour.

I'm with your husband on this. He's doing this "friend" a massive favour every morning, and they can't even be arsed to invite your kids in return. I'd be knocking the favour on the head too.

Ohhhh no, I think you're right. I hate reverses, they should be a banning offence

Also, I bet the cost of arranging school transport for her DC is going to far exceed the cost of adding your DC to the birthday party... Idiot woman.