Private school bursary on £160k household income

[GhostlyHappenings]

I have already posted this in ‘Education’, but I know this board is more popular and I’m likely to reach a wider audience who may / may not have experience of my situation.

I’m exploring options for secondary schools for my son. He is bright and ahead academically, diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. He doesn’t have any support at school currently, does not quality for an EHCP, but I appreciate secondary school is another ball game entirely which is why I am looking at private education and independent schools.

I live with my partner (not my son’s dad) and we have a joint mortgage. We do not share finances beyond the joint mortgage and each pay a proportional share of the bills. He has two other children to financially support. We are not married but do have a child together. He has a high income of £140k, I earn £20k. In any case, after his share of the bills, including substantial child maintenance bills and private education for his two children, he has no money left in his pot.

On paper, it looks like we have a huge household income, but the reality is that my partner doesn’t financially support my son, beyond paying for a higher proportional percentage of the household bills. He doesn’t pay for my son’s clubs, activities, clothes, general upkeep, all of that is paid for by me and his biological father, who I receive maintenance from. Likewise, I don’t financially support his two children, beyond my proportional share of the household bills. For all intents and purposes, if I wasn’t living with my partner, my son would qualify for a bursary.

I am wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and whether or not you qualified for a bursary or any financial assistance, or even if the private school took your personal circumstances into consideration. I would be paying for my son’s education through my own wages, the monthly maintenance I get from his dad and help from grandparents, but £20k + fees a year is beyond my means, so I was hoping the school may take personal circumstances into consideration and offer a reduction. Does anyone have any experience of similar situations?

Id ask each of the schools you're looking at, ime there's no universal hard and fast rule that all schools apply and the only useful answer to your question is the actual one

I did wonder if that might be the case. And I do understand why. The reality is, my partner doesn‘t financially support my son, and also has no legal requirement to, we’re not married and he hasn’t adopted him. From a biological parent perspective, my son would qualify for a bursary.

I can completely see where you are coming from, but I'd also expect that if they opened a bursary up to circumstances such as yours then it would be open to abuse.

ask them after he's sat the entrance exams? They'll likely make a decision based on that aswell as your finances.

Thank you, that’s a good idea. We’ve already done 11+ tests at home and he scores very well in them, so he would be a good academic candidate. I guess it’s more that there’s no point in even sitting the tests if they are taking it at face value that we have a collective pot of £160k and will charge full fees, as I cannot afford it.

There's been lots of talk about bursaries disappearing or reducing due to VAT, so just be wary of that. The (very few) bursaries/scholarships handed out by our local private school last year were to families with a very low overall household income AND were exceptionally bright children out of many applicants, and although you can argue your partner won't contribute - if you're paying a lower % of household bills it's hard to say that your partners income doesn't come into the picture.

My kids school wouldn't offer a bursary under these circumstances.

That’s a good point. He pays more because of his much higher salary and also because 3 of the children are his vs 1 child in the household which is just mine. I completely take your point though. I think it’s a grey area. If they took my income and my son’s dad’s income into consideration he would qualify.

If your partner doesn’t financially support either you or your son, would him moving out and you living separately not be an option? He doesn’t sound as though he brings much to the table, and will actively prevent your DS being eligible for an income-based bursary. I can’t see any way you could claim that you don’t benefit from your partner’s income when you live together, have a child together, and share household bills.

Aside from that, whilst exploring bursary options it’s a good idea to be upfront with schools prior to taking the exams about your DS’s diagnoses to explore what level of support, should he need it at secondary level, that they’re able and willing to provide students with additional needs. Unfortunately many independent schools don’t cater well to students with additional needs, particularly if they think learning needs will damage results tables.

All you can do is talk to the bursar of the private schools you are applying to.
In previous years, bursaries were given out in part, so that schools could maintain their charitable status. Now that VAT is being added to all bills, plus all the extra costs the last budget wants to implement, schools are struggling to absorb the costs of providing free education and at the same time justify bursaries to fee paying parents.
I know the school my children are at, have decreased the number of new bursaries for next year.

The schools I am looking at all have good reputations for supporting children with additional needs. He doesn’t have any learning needs or difficulties, he’s above average in all subjects so If he continues on the same trajectory, he will achieve very good GCSE results.

I’m not going to split up from my partner and break our family up, but it is very frustrating that his income could potentially stop my son from being eligible.

When you say your partner doesn’t financially support your son, do you mean he wouldn’t pay for things that he doesn’t afford his own children - like private school?

Or day to day things. If so that’s a bit mean. Does your son have to watch his ‘step siblings’ go to better clubs, events, outings and not join in because DP doesn’t want to pay for him?

I get what you mean OP, but if you're each paying a proportion of the bills based on your salaries, your partner is paying the vast majority and effectively supporting you and your son. Even if you don't see it that way.

My son’s dad and I pay for everything for my son. All activities, clothes, extra-curricular, his step father’s money doesn’t come into it. We have separate bank accounts.

My daughter has just been awarded a busary for an independent school so just been through the assessment process - I'd call the bursars of the school and explain your situation - is your son's father on board as he will need to be assessed too?

Our combined income is around £80k and have been given a fairly high bursary but will still be a massive financial commitment for us but feel it's worth it (high achieving and capable child with ASD).

Before awarding a bursary the school will ask you to declare everything down to what you have for breakfast!

Why don't you apply and see what happens? Your son doesn't need to know untill you are sure you know that he might have a chance.

Yes, he is on board. With my son’s father’s income, combined it is about £55k, so well within the parameters for a bursary. It’s my partner’s income that is going to be a potential issue.

If they forensically analysed my partner, after his contributions to his ex and the private schools for his own two children, he actually doesn’t have anything left, even if he was prepared to contribute to my son’s education.

It’s more the paying for the exams, going for tours, sitting the 11+. I was wondering if anyone has direct experience of this situation.

Hiw long have you been together? He sounds a bit if a tightarse if he contributes nothing, especially as he’s on such a huge salary. Does he watch you struggle, whilst earning 7x your income?

If you weren't living with your partner, would you be able to fund the joint mortgage you have?

A child living with a parent on a £20k income would potentially have a very different home situation than yours which you share with someone earning £120k

To be honest, I struggle with the idea that you get no benefit from your partner's massive salary. In most families I think it's reasonable to assume that household income benefits all. I think a school might feel the same - or might think your arrangements have been managed with bursaries in mind. You can but ask individual schools and see what they say.
It might be worth trying to find other local parents of children with similar needs to get feedback on local schools. The state schools might support your child better than you think.

If you’re earning £20k do you have a way to increase your income? Or can his father pay more. I agree that it’s not your DP’s responsibility to pay for your child.

Would you live in the type and size of house you currently live in if your partner didn’t earn what he does? Would you be paying the same amount in mortgage and bills if he wasn’t on the scene, or would you have to pay more and struggle? The fact that your partner’s income pays most of the mortgage and bills and means that you live in a lovely house and you can use most of your own income to provide things for your DS, means your DS is benefitting from your partner’s income, which forms part of the overall household income, even if your partner doesn’t e.g. buy his clothes or pay for his clubs.

It may be worth looking into, but the vast majority will look at household income. That will be the same if he goes to uni as well - that’s household income.