Private school bursary on £160k household income

[GhostlyHappenings]

I have already posted this in ‘Education’, but I know this board is more popular and I’m likely to reach a wider audience who may / may not have experience of my situation.

I’m exploring options for secondary schools for my son. He is bright and ahead academically, diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. He doesn’t have any support at school currently, does not quality for an EHCP, but I appreciate secondary school is another ball game entirely which is why I am looking at private education and independent schools.

I live with my partner (not my son’s dad) and we have a joint mortgage. We do not share finances beyond the joint mortgage and each pay a proportional share of the bills. He has two other children to financially support. We are not married but do have a child together. He has a high income of £140k, I earn £20k. In any case, after his share of the bills, including substantial child maintenance bills and private education for his two children, he has no money left in his pot.

On paper, it looks like we have a huge household income, but the reality is that my partner doesn’t financially support my son, beyond paying for a higher proportional percentage of the household bills. He doesn’t pay for my son’s clubs, activities, clothes, general upkeep, all of that is paid for by me and his biological father, who I receive maintenance from. Likewise, I don’t financially support his two children, beyond my proportional share of the household bills. For all intents and purposes, if I wasn’t living with my partner, my son would qualify for a bursary.

I am wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and whether or not you qualified for a bursary or any financial assistance, or even if the private school took your personal circumstances into consideration. I would be paying for my son’s education through my own wages, the monthly maintenance I get from his dad and help from grandparents, but £20k + fees a year is beyond my means, so I was hoping the school may take personal circumstances into consideration and offer a reduction. Does anyone have any experience of similar situations?

A friend's daughter who is a talented athlete received a part bursary from a local independent school even though the family would be considered to be wealthy.
So the advice to wait and see how he does in the entrance exam and interview process sounds good. If they want him enough they may well make you an offer.

Uni loans are based on the household income, I'd presume private schools were similar.

Do you have a decent state secondary school near you? Your ds sound a bit like mine, mine went to state school and did well despite his ASD assessor saying he was going to really struggle in secondary without a lot of support. I'm just saying don't despair if he can't go private, it won't necessarily be a disaster.

Do you and your son's Dad share access 50/50? When you apply for the school place/bursary can you put your son's Father's address down as his main residence so they access his household income and not yours. If you share access 50/50 then technically you have the right to use his address as much as yours.

I'll never be able to wrap my head around these financial set ups, especially when the partner's income affects everything.

When I applied for a bursary, they asked even about my ex who I no longer live with... Your partner's income affects bursary, benefits, university among other things, but he contributes nothing but his share of the mortgage?

I have a healthy bursary and UC. I'm not swapping that for a man who 'doesn't contribute to my daughter's expenses' and there isn't a house nice enough for that level of deprivation ☹️.

If you earn £20k and partner £140k, then I am pretty sure that partner is supporting both you and your son. Household income is the relevant information, otherwise SAHMs with a high earning partner would be claiming full bursary. Your son's Dad's finances will also be relevant. As will any equity in your home, savings, shares etc.

My local school doesn't consider anyone with a household income above about £50k.

My friend's brother got fully paid fees due to academic excellence {St Paul's , London} - he's been a lecturer at a top university since then.They were very 'poor' growing up, they had a beautiful but run down old house with stables that they rented out earn a few pounds near Richmond Park - they got barely anything at Christmas.. a pair of wooly gloves, and that was about it.

YABU with a household income like that.

Your statement that your partner doesn't support your DS is not strictly correct. He may not contribute to clothing / school activities etc. but he shares a mortgage with you which puts a roof over your and your son's head. Presumably the mortgage is based on your joint incomes rather than just yours ?

Op this is relevant. It's not like your partner doesn't contribute anything to your household financially

Your dp funding a higher proportion of the bills is somewhat funding your sons life.

Move out. Live with just you and ds. After all, if your dps money doesn't support your/ds costs, then it's no odds to you is it?

Because each school is able to make a decision (based on test scores and their own bursary framework), you would be advised to do as many common entrance exams as possible, in the hope you met some of the school’s bursary criteria. Do you see what I mean? Obviously it’s costly just to sit the tests, but you aren’t going to find out what the flex is without the test scores.

It’s not true though is is, because you house, feed and keep your child warm by living in a dual income household. If you were ill and unable to work, would your partner not support you? The point of bursaries for those with low income is they have no other cushion or back up .

I don't think this is going to fly OP.

You and your son live in a house funded in large part by your partner. That is how you live the life you live... of course any bursarys should be based on your full household income.

Otherwise it would be incredibly unfair on a family who missed out who really DO live on 20k a year (and all the struggles that come with it).

my son received a bursary. They wanted to know my household income. They also wanted to know his fathers income. They wanted to know what, as a household, we owned - car. houses, etc and any other outgoings. If you have support from grandparents, they will need that confirmed, as that is what we had to use to 'top up' as even with a bursary and a scholarship, we still needed to find a certain amount per year, and they want to guarantee you had enough, so as to not drop out half way through due to financial constraints. When grandmother died during covid, he did receive a hardship funding for the following year as it was his GCSE year, but the accounts all needed looking at again before he was able to do 6th form (and thankfully scholarship was higher for that period)

No don't do this! If you are looking for a bursary you need to be up front with them

Can he temporarily move in with his dad? Maybe a bit extreme but how often does he stay there already?

I wouldn’t want him to move in with his dad as I feel that would be disingenuous.

Ironically, if I split up from my partner, I’d actually be personally better off financially as I would be eligible for UC, child benefit, discounts, bursaries etc.

He gets DLA as he does struggle with areas of life, but not any that interfere with his education or schooling. That’s actually the reason he was refused any higher rates of DLA, other than lower, the fact that he has no struggles at school or academically, but does have some things he finds difficult at home.

Even if my partner was willing to contribute, he doesn’t actually have anything left after his expenses. He’s not sat on a giant pot of money that he could use towards my son’s school fees.

@CantHoldMeDown Pension contributions, school fees are closer to £50k, car payments, commuting to London. He genuinely doesn’t have anything left after he’s paid for his own children / personal expenses.

Could you actually live on £20k pa? Or has settling with a new partner made it possible to life your current life style on £20k pa?
he Might not be your kids father, but if living with him is providing his current level of life style surely it should be considered relevant?

If you have a child together you cannot send that child to private school but not your other son

What about the child you have together, will they have a private education? Is your son the only one out of his sibling and step sibling not going to private school?
As a pp has said, your partner's income may mean that your son has less financial support available to him later on a university. Presumably you are a family, it seems unfair that your partner can just opt out of supporting your son, especially when it means they could be negatively effected.

Since when were food, bills, day outs and pension contributions free?🤔

When we looked into a few years ago, we couldn't get any help on a £55k household income anywhere local to us. And bursaries were minimal anyway - largest was 20%!