Private school bursary on £160k household income

[GhostlyHappenings]

I have already posted this in ‘Education’, but I know this board is more popular and I’m likely to reach a wider audience who may / may not have experience of my situation.

I’m exploring options for secondary schools for my son. He is bright and ahead academically, diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. He doesn’t have any support at school currently, does not quality for an EHCP, but I appreciate secondary school is another ball game entirely which is why I am looking at private education and independent schools.

I live with my partner (not my son’s dad) and we have a joint mortgage. We do not share finances beyond the joint mortgage and each pay a proportional share of the bills. He has two other children to financially support. We are not married but do have a child together. He has a high income of £140k, I earn £20k. In any case, after his share of the bills, including substantial child maintenance bills and private education for his two children, he has no money left in his pot.

On paper, it looks like we have a huge household income, but the reality is that my partner doesn’t financially support my son, beyond paying for a higher proportional percentage of the household bills. He doesn’t pay for my son’s clubs, activities, clothes, general upkeep, all of that is paid for by me and his biological father, who I receive maintenance from. Likewise, I don’t financially support his two children, beyond my proportional share of the household bills. For all intents and purposes, if I wasn’t living with my partner, my son would qualify for a bursary.

I am wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and whether or not you qualified for a bursary or any financial assistance, or even if the private school took your personal circumstances into consideration. I would be paying for my son’s education through my own wages, the monthly maintenance I get from his dad and help from grandparents, but £20k + fees a year is beyond my means, so I was hoping the school may take personal circumstances into consideration and offer a reduction. Does anyone have any experience of similar situations?

Perhaps ‘ drank the Koolaid’ suits better?

As a retired secondary teacher don’t write off state schools for your son - I tutored a child with adhd last year who attended a very highly regarded private school and she received next to no support from the school whereas some state schools have top class provision - do your research in your area and find out what’s available

Where I live it is the children who don't make the grade for state selective schools than tend to go to private schools. The private provision here is generally worse academically, although there are some frills round the edges.

My son has a bursary. In his case the foundation will take into account the income of the household. You have a mortgage with your partner so his income is relevant to your sons bursary application.

The tour of the school and interview with the headmaster are just as important as the entrance exam. The school are not going to give a bursary to a child from a family they feel would not fit in, or the child has behaviour issues for instance. It's not just about passing an exam or financial qualification.

Has the school told you you don’t qualify for an EHCP? Challenge this. Talk to local SENDIASS. The LA might be able to place him in an appropriate school and pay. Also talk to local secondary school SENCOs, the provision might be better than you think.

Is it possible you're hung up on private education for your son because your partner's other two children are educated privately?

Hi op,

I am not really clear on how schools look at things but if partner isn’t the dad, why do you want to involve him?

just talk about your sole income?

you being on a mortgage with someone else does NOT mean that that other person is contributing anything?

Just call some schools and ask?

Good luck 🌺

You have 3 adults working, plus Grandparents contributing to your Son financially , DP paying part of mortgage and bills . This amount added together is probably more than most have to send children to private schools. I think the issue is more about how you all choose to spend your income . I think referring to being better off financially as a single
Mother, is an insult to people genuinely struggling.

I haven't read all of the responses but I'm struggle to empathise with your situation and would be horrified if someone in your situation were to receive a bursary. Your husband has a significantly high income compared to the vast majority of the country. Just because he chooses to pay for private education for his children, that doesn't make him or you hard up and certainly shouldnt be grounds for a bursary. That's a choice that only the privileged have. Also, why don't you get a better paying job or work more hours if you want your son to have that privilege? I know you aren't married but even so, you live together which is as good as. You wait until it's time for your son to go to uni, it's household income that is taken in to consideration then so your son will get the bare minimum.

I am not really clear on how schools look at things

Well that’s obvious!

Why would you comment when you clearly have zero idea how this stuff works? Genuine question.

@GhostlyHappenings

I wish I did have the confidence to just send him to state school so he could muck in with the plebs!

Well if you can't face him mixing with plebs then you need to work more hours! I'm astounded that you are calling all state school students plebs. You sound like a complete snob yet you earn £20k a year!!

Most schools will look at household income, as otherwise there would be huge room for people to try and claim bursaries that could go to more needy families. However it’s certainly worth asking. The only thing I would say though, is that most bursaries are actually a very small part of the fees (20% even on an academic & sports scholarship plus full bursary) at our local minor public school.

It may be more beneficial to you to look at Bluecoats schools (although your son may have to board), or grammars as he is academic.

You do have a huge household income, your partner and you just choose to pay for private education.

Our household income is significantly less than yours (approximately 80K) and we didn't qualify for a bursary. However, we have just won an appeal to get our sons independent school fees paid by the LA. He does have an EHCP (ASD, ADHD and DCD), but we were told that he should attend mainstream secondary. It has been one hell of a fight, and we had to take a gamble and put him in the independent school and fund it ourselves initially, but ultimately we knew that our local mainstream secondaries were all out of the question for him (they also ALL said that they couldn't meet the needs within his EHCP), so it was the independent school or nowhere. So what i'm saying here, is that if there is any chance you could get an EHCP and fight for funding, that might be a better option? We did a parental application and didn't think we'd get one as they are notoriously hard to get, but here we are and funding was agreed for his school earlier this week. I won't lie, I am grey from the fight, it has been 2 years of hell, but he loves his school and is happy for the first time in a really long time, so every second of the fight was worth it!

Is there a reason that you can’t either work more hours or get a better paid job, given your lifestyle expectations??

I’ve just been through the process of applying for a bursary for my daughter to attend a private school. All state schools near us are oversubscribed and the only one we have a chance of being allocated is terrible. We know this as her sister attends it currently. We’ve had no end of problems. Lack of support, bullying, children committing suicide having been bullied, lack of teachers (umpteen supply teachers in their GCSE finals year and no actual teaching happening in particular subjects). So for these reasons I wanted to try to get my younger child into our very nearest school which is private. I am a single parent. My household income is £30k. They don’t, however, only assess my household income. They take my ex’s household income into consideration too. My daughter doesn’t live with him at all. I don’t think our combined income will qualify for a bursary sadly and it’s less than half your household income of £160k!

Hi OP

What's going to happen to the child you have together and their schooling? They won't be able to get a bursary as they will very living with their bio father who earns well. Would he pay for their schooling? If not then it creates inequality if one can go to the school and one can't. If so, it can also create inequality as one has essentially had a lot more money thrown at them.

I'd be very wary of not treating them as equally as possible

Also how are you going to pay for all the extra things associated with private school eg uniform, trips, birthday parties and presents for his friends etc

Just been through the bursary process for local schools so I thought I’d update you all.

As others stated, it’s very much dependent on the school. Some took my partner’s income into account, others didn’t. Even the ones who did, we were still offered financial assistance (albeit less) because at the end of the month he doesn’t have anything left in his pot. That’s just bills, the part of the country we live in, not frivolous spending.

Other schools took the approach that were not married and my partner has no parental responsibility over my child, he hasn’t adopted him and therefore his income is immaterial.

My son’s current school also wrote a recommendation for academic excellence and stated that in their opinion, he wouldn’t cope in a large mainstream school and it would be detrimental to him. I’m not sure how much (if anything) that also helped.