Private school bursary on £160k household income

[GhostlyHappenings]

I have already posted this in ‘Education’, but I know this board is more popular and I’m likely to reach a wider audience who may / may not have experience of my situation.

I’m exploring options for secondary schools for my son. He is bright and ahead academically, diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. He doesn’t have any support at school currently, does not quality for an EHCP, but I appreciate secondary school is another ball game entirely which is why I am looking at private education and independent schools.

I live with my partner (not my son’s dad) and we have a joint mortgage. We do not share finances beyond the joint mortgage and each pay a proportional share of the bills. He has two other children to financially support. We are not married but do have a child together. He has a high income of £140k, I earn £20k. In any case, after his share of the bills, including substantial child maintenance bills and private education for his two children, he has no money left in his pot.

On paper, it looks like we have a huge household income, but the reality is that my partner doesn’t financially support my son, beyond paying for a higher proportional percentage of the household bills. He doesn’t pay for my son’s clubs, activities, clothes, general upkeep, all of that is paid for by me and his biological father, who I receive maintenance from. Likewise, I don’t financially support his two children, beyond my proportional share of the household bills. For all intents and purposes, if I wasn’t living with my partner, my son would qualify for a bursary.

I am wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and whether or not you qualified for a bursary or any financial assistance, or even if the private school took your personal circumstances into consideration. I would be paying for my son’s education through my own wages, the monthly maintenance I get from his dad and help from grandparents, but £20k + fees a year is beyond my means, so I was hoping the school may take personal circumstances into consideration and offer a reduction. Does anyone have any experience of similar situations?

Yes. Kick him out. Job done.

The schools local to us offer up to 100% bursaries. I know a child who was offered a 65% bursary on a high salary (90k).

My son already spends 3 nights per week with his dad so it would only be a case of increasing contact slightly and transferring main carer status.

Assuming he gets in & offloading him into a poorer parent whole you live with a new child & a man earning £140k is pretty low

I'd have just scammed the school with constantly late payments & looked for better or high earning work in the meantime

Meh, he's just the poor one and you've got a better replacement lined up.

That won't harm him emotionally in the least.

Personally, I wouldn't choose a private school for a child with SEND.

My friend had some huge problems with her son (autism, adhd, dyslexia and dyspraxia) at his old (private) school. I think because he was costing them money that they didnt want to spend and he was a child thats unlikely to exceed academically.

They tried their hardest to get them to leave - they reported her to SS nearly every week for silly non issues, SS werent interested. Once was because he didn't eat his lunch AT SCHOOL.

They excluded him from a school trip (after she had paid for it and they waited until the week before the trip to tell her), because they said they couldn't meet his needs. My friend had to book the day off work to take him herself and they were still trying to find excuses.

She had to shell out £100s for private diagnosis, because the school said they couldn't wait for nhs referrals and they couldn't access the local offer themselves for support.

They then applied for an ehcp and once it was being finalised, they decided they absolutely couldn't support his needs (despite the only thing they would have needed extra from the ehcp was to train an ELSA) and asked him to leave

Yh this story gets worst the more it carrys on 😅 hopefully he doesn't get in cause other children apply & attends the local state where he excels due to his own talents not his mum's ambition which seams to have got a £140k a year man & a child applying for private schools but no cash to spare & special needs list.

What you refer to is usually known as a scholarship rather than a bursary and as you say is awarded for exceptional talent in something and is not usually means tested. However it usually a fairly minimal fee discount (5-15%, except academic which might be 30%), it’s usually more about the kudos of having it than the financial discount. It’s possible to have multiple scholarships, and/or a bursary as well, at some schools.

Why have you bought a house and had another child with a man who doesn't financially support your child?

No, with that household income you won't be eligible for a bursary. Most schools around here go through your financials with a fine tooth comb and as a general rule anyone on more than 100k as a household need not bother applying.

DC’s school have a max household income of £40k for bursaries, we’re in London where salaries are generally higher, so even moving him to his dad’s, if you and he have a combined income of £55k, you wouldn’t qualify at our school.

Bursaries and scholarships have been slashed as a result of VAT on school fees and if you have to pay for ALS fees on top, they are also subject to VAT. The assessment process is very stringent and once they realise your DP can’t contribute because he’s paying full school fees for two children already I’d be very surprised if they made you an offer. It’s just not a system you can manipulate, schools (quite rightly) want to ensure their funding is going to families who have no hope of paying any fees, not to families who can afford two sets of fees but not three. It’s just not how it works.

He hasn’t even started at a secondary state school and won’t for 18 months as you’re too late for September 2025 entry. You seem to be putting carts before horses.

If you’re going to apply for a bursary you must tell the school when you apply. They need to know what’s going to be asked of them and with VAT they have less cash to spare for late requests

You’re also being rather disingenuous with the point that your partner doesn’t pay anything for your son. You and he have a more secure household status than you would if you were on universal credit. I also can’t believe that you deduct all your son’s costs from the food shopping bill you share with your partner, and the gas bills, and the other household expenses. It wouldn’t be practicable.

If you want private school for your son then can you increase your income?

Perhaps she didn’t and doesn’t expect someone that isn’t her child’s parent to financially support him?

It isn’t his job to financially support her child. A stepparent may choose to, but they don’t have to. If that was/is unacceptable to OP then she was and is free to leave.

that wont roll because they will still want to know about your household income. They look at both parents, even if they are separated.

and if they see that his residency has changed, they will know why.

Wow.

So it is dump the kid cos the man you are sleeping with is financially better for you.

Fuck your older kid's mental wellbeing. The younger ones are your meal ticket and you like the lifestyle.

I guess that solves my earlier query about what your priorities really were.

@GhostlyHappenings is your partner paying all schools fees on top of child maintenance, or are the fees split with the child’s mum?

@RedToothBrush op apparently ‘likes the lifestyle’.. of what… 140k and paying schools fees and only earning 20k herself. Yes that must be an incredibly flash lifestyle… 🤔

He may not specifically support your son but presumably pays towards household bills and mortgage etc. that’s why they’ll probably take it into account because your income alone gives a perhaps misleading picture of your financial circumstances?

Depends on the school - I know a family with a 75% bursary for one of the most expensive boarding schools in the country; their household income is 350-400k depending on bonuses. Child is very average academically but sporty (albeit not county or national standard). So your income should be no bar if you pick the right school.

Again, this sounds like a sports scholarship, not a bursary.

Will you be transferring your son's residency permanently to his father, @GhostlyHappenings ? In order to ensure he can apply for the full loan entitlement for university?

Because otherwise, what's the plan for university?

It’s probably worth noting that if your son needs extra assistance or support from a member of staff, this is usually at extra cost (and subject to VAT now!)

I feel like you live in a different world if I earned £20k and my partner didn’t share his income I’d never even entertain private school!

Do you? Seems improbable.

OP, I have so many questions about this situation before we even get to the issue of private schooling for your DS.

For instance, why is your income so low? Who is funding childcare for your joint DC? Do you share the baby's expenses equally? Do you both pull your weight at home or do you do the lion's share (uncompensated)?

Personally, were I in your situation, I would very firmly park the private school idea as pie in the sky and refuse to contemplate adding the financial and other pressures it might bring (if you could pull it off) for the next 7 years. You're unlikely to get an 100% bursery and, even if you do, there will be expenses and it will just be an extra level of financial pressure you could do without in your circumstances. It may make life incredibly stressful at a time when you should be enjoying both your children and spending time with them, as you'll have constant worries about whether you can afford to maintain educational continuity for your DS

My course of action in your circumstances, assuming you still have some time until the application deadline, would be to locate your DS (either with you or temporarily with his dad) within the catchment area of a good state school with a reputation for good SEN support. And since you state that you would be financially better off living separately from your partner, I'd be prepared to split (and claim CM for your joint child) to make this happen if your partner doesn't support you in this.

It’s not actually going to happen. They’re just gonna say that to try and pull the wool over the eyes of the bursar Who they hope is Mrs Mighins sat in the corner with a blue rinse and an abacus. Far more likely it’s a retired CFO from Morgan Stanley 🙄