Private school bursary on £160k household income

[GhostlyHappenings]

I have already posted this in ‘Education’, but I know this board is more popular and I’m likely to reach a wider audience who may / may not have experience of my situation.

I’m exploring options for secondary schools for my son. He is bright and ahead academically, diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. He doesn’t have any support at school currently, does not quality for an EHCP, but I appreciate secondary school is another ball game entirely which is why I am looking at private education and independent schools.

I live with my partner (not my son’s dad) and we have a joint mortgage. We do not share finances beyond the joint mortgage and each pay a proportional share of the bills. He has two other children to financially support. We are not married but do have a child together. He has a high income of £140k, I earn £20k. In any case, after his share of the bills, including substantial child maintenance bills and private education for his two children, he has no money left in his pot.

On paper, it looks like we have a huge household income, but the reality is that my partner doesn’t financially support my son, beyond paying for a higher proportional percentage of the household bills. He doesn’t pay for my son’s clubs, activities, clothes, general upkeep, all of that is paid for by me and his biological father, who I receive maintenance from. Likewise, I don’t financially support his two children, beyond my proportional share of the household bills. For all intents and purposes, if I wasn’t living with my partner, my son would qualify for a bursary.

I am wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and whether or not you qualified for a bursary or any financial assistance, or even if the private school took your personal circumstances into consideration. I would be paying for my son’s education through my own wages, the monthly maintenance I get from his dad and help from grandparents, but £20k + fees a year is beyond my means, so I was hoping the school may take personal circumstances into consideration and offer a reduction. Does anyone have any experience of similar situations?

sorry but when you have children and you get with a new partner who live with, you understand that they will financially contribute to the household and as a result, the child. If you were on full benefits and moved in with a partner who was a high earner, that would be taken into consideration and you’d no longer be eligible for those benefits.

i think you’re trying to con the system, maybe get a partner who actually wants a family unit and not just a partner

I’m amazed anyone would put their kids through private school if it left them with absolutely nothing at the end of the month? No savings for his kids, himself, nothing?

@itzthTtimeGib . I am, too. At some point, don't you question if the trade-offs in terms of family life are worth it? I have the greatest of sympathy for parents who already have children at private school and are trying to maintain their educational continuity despite changed circumstances, but can't really understand why people would contemplate seven years of being financially stretched to the limit unless the other options available really are unacceptable.

What is the mortgage? They will, rightly, look at all aspects of your income, asset base, debts and budget. They can by all accounts even make terms and conditions around support and that could be that as you live as a unit, your finances work as a unit. It’s only fair on those of us who pay those school fees so I would budget/downsize the house and then see what your situation is. Not everyone do everything and no one can make choices like having a massive mortgage or whatever and then expect someone else to pick up the tab for school fees.

No - the child tried for one of those and didn’t meet the standard. The bursary was on a financial need basis.

Improbable but nonetheless true! I am not personally convinced this is who the bursary system should be for but that’s a separate matter.

Also, some schools do a re check every year.....

OMG did I actually read that you're considering kicking him out to lock in private education. Wow, you really seem like someone who chases status and is a bit of a social climber. Work more hours and up your wage and you can probably cover those fees yourself. If you can't, I agree with other people, accept that like a large proportion of society, it's not something you can afford.

I think this was asked not long ago on another thread. It seems to go by household income.

I assess applications such as this. Your situation would be more nuanced but with the information you’ve given these are my thoughts

Your household income absolutely would be a consideration regardless of how you chop stuff up.

Your son living with his dad would make no difference - we’d assess both parents and make a decision if you can meet the fees and if not how much would be a reasonable contribution.

Passing the entrance examination is only one factor in awarding a space - we’d look at the cohort, social and communication ability and if the school would benefit your son.

In your position I would be putting all of my effort in obtaining an EHCP.

And I’m cognisant of the challenges - I have two children, both of whom have an EHCP for ASD.

Honestly the school will assess you on your household income alot of bursarys are disapearing and although your child is high achieving the ASD will be a factor as it will cost extra for additional support.. you can home school privately with online education which can be more affordable, would that be an option?

Also there is huge hidden costs within private schools, uniforms are extremely expensive, sports equipment, clubs , school trips that can be thousands and also the extras on trying to make sure your child has a comparable lifestyle, it's way beyond the normal school fees and honestly on your income it would be impossible and would probably result in debt, 20 k a year is a very low income and if your partner has multiple children and you don't share all costs then I understand that you want the best for your child but you can't afford private school.. I would look into getting a ehcp and then you will be able to get into a better public school ..

I’m very impressed at your money management skills @GhostlyHappenings. If I understand your post correctly , you pay for all of these costs out of your £20k annual income

half the childcare for your joint child
half the mortgage and household bills for a 5 bedroom house ( I’m assuming this as you have 4 children between you )
all living costs for yourself and your 11 year old child
half of all living costs for your shared child

I see you also get child support but given that your ex earns £35k and already has his child 3 days a week, than can only be about £240/ month.

And now you are planning to take on perhaps 50% of school fees plus all other costs like uniform and travel .

I have no idea how you manage this on £20k a year.

This. Our children’s state school - almost all extra curriculars from music to art to sport to science clubs etc are run by staff from the school and are free. The only thing we pay for is an outside singing teacher 1-2-1 for one DC although the choir and all other music is free.

Friends DD goes to a local private school and they school charges die all before or after school activities, even the ones run by teachers. Transport to sports matches. For art materials. For ‘optional’ things like a no uniform day. Etc etc and all this is billed at the start of each term along with fees - her compulsory extras are £450 each term.
And that’s before you add in extra tuition ( free at our school), music lessons, catch up lessons, school trips, sports coaching ( despite having a dozen tennis courts the school sees fit to charge for the children to be ‘coached’ in them to play) and on and on…

its ridiculous IMHO. Plus her school is charging VAT on everything - even non variable things like revision books. There is no VAT on books… it’s all a big con/rip off
The Emperors New Clothes in real life

Firstly, the school aren't charging VAT by choice. It's the government making them. The schools don't profit from VAT they add and HMRC send them the list of what is VATable.

Secondly indy schools vary massively as far as charging for extras goes- as an example, DDs indy secondary school the only extras are LAMDA or 1-2-1 SEN support. Everything else isvincludes in the price. The 1 Yr 8 trip to France is costing £900 for the week which is comparable to what the local state school charges for a similar trip. All extra curricular activities are also included in the fees.

Nothing at state school is "free", it is paid for by the taxpayer. As a taxpayer I am paying for your child's education + clubs, yet I don't ask you to pay the same for my child. I educate my child at no cost to the taxpayer.

Mmm, like I said Emperors New Clothes and Private parents will scream that they see the finery til their dying breathe.

This whole original post is a bit nuts, just shows the mentality of the privileged.
’We’re really well off with a household income more than 4 x the average wage AIBU to try to get a discount so I can send my child to a posh school so expensive that this isn’t enough and we’ll really struggle financially? He really is quite speshal and shouldn’t have to go to state school like 96% of U.K. who parents clearly don’t want to prioritise education’

Be wary also-it sounds as if you would need a full bursary and a lot of them are quite small-some little more than a token gesture.

Just repeating something that is incorrect doesn't then make it correct.

We can afford private even with the 20% uplift but I took my son out of the independent system at the end of prep and got an EHCP for him. It took a very long time and lots of effort. He is much happier in a state school hub. He is AuDHD and very high achieving (top 1% in CAT4) but he wasn’t happy. Academics aren’t everything especially for kids with SEN. I wouldn’t dream of naming any of the local independent schools on his EHCP or putting him in the local grammar as they can’t meet his needs and definitely aren’t inclusive. Look for other options OP, this ‘fear’ people have of state schools is such bullshit. Prioritise your child’s well being and mental health, not your social status.

Hmm. The thing with independent schools is they are just that, independent, and therefore all different.

I used to work in one but cannot afford to send my child. At the one I worked at clubs run by teachers were free (and all teachers were required to run one - state schools cannot legally require this, though many try) , only ones run by external providers cost extra.

Things like music, drama and sport are miles ahead in the independent sector. My daughter had her first choir concert yesterday, it was very sweet but would not have passed muster at the school I work in, either in terms of singing quality or presentation. It was worlds apart. Likewise sports- I remember going to netball tournaments in primary school and being hammered by the private schools. They quality of sports teaching and frequency is just streaks ahead of most state schools.

Theres no emperors new clothes about it, certain things the private sector do just do better (and I’ve no skin in the game!) Whether you think these things are worth paying for of course is subjective.

@modgepodge "Theres no emperors new clothes about it, certain things the private sector do just do better (and I’ve no skin in the game!) Whether you think these things are worth paying for of course is subjective."

It's being selective and having more money does it.

If your DP doesn’t support your DS how will you pay for his fees, surely they will be as much as you earn. Even if you get 10 or 20% off how will you pay the rest and support your DS?

@CurlewKate
Selective in what way? The school I worked in was not selective, other than by bank balance. No exam to get in, and with a significant proportion of SEN kids and those who struggle.

and yes obviously it’s money…money to pay school fees. I don’t think money in the bank makes you inherently a better singer/sports person. It just allows you to pay for better tuition, which is exactly my point.

Private education isn't a right, it's a luxury. Look at the local state secondary schools and get him an EHCP, and send him to the school that will support his needs the best. Private school is a particular level of elitist snobbery that needs to stop. Give your head a wobble.