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AIBU?

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Original poster

The annual Christmas ritual of reading DP the riot act

322 replies

DBD1975 · 19/12/2024 12:16

Looking for any tips or advice following on from the why do men steal all of the joy out of everything.

My family Christmas day, in-laws Boxing day. Just about to have the annual talk about don't make Christmas day weird or awkward by having to prompt you to be a courteous host, don't roll your eyes every time I ask you to help with something. Be sociable, join in and make an effort.

So far I have done everything for Christmas including buying my own presents for DP to give me and buying all the presents for in-laws and I will also be wrapping them.

DP has done s** all other than moan, sulk and act like a petulant teenager.

I will end up having to have the extra energy on both days to make up for my DP being so lack lustre/bar humbug.

It is more the upset in his routine which he finds hard to cope with, not to mention the chaos which comes with Christmas.

Any tips or advice gratefully received. Please note I have no intention of splitting up with him for those who will go nuclear over the situation.

OP posts:
GinForBreakfast · 19/12/2024 12:20

I'd stop with the martyring wifework tbh but it's your decision...

TheCatterall · 19/12/2024 12:20

Can’t you just keep him under the stairs until after Christmas and bring him back out then and dust him off?

Sunsetsandcocktails · 19/12/2024 12:21

Ick. He sounds more like your child than your partner.

If you’re happy with this, maybe think about if seeing your families is the right thing to do seeing as he clearly hates it so much. Could you see them separately by yourself if he doesn’t want to join in?

other than that I think I’d just ignore him on the day(s) and let him sulk and don’t let him take any credit for the stuff you have done. Just enjoy your day and act like he’s not there would be my advice!

Original poster
DBD1975 · 19/12/2024 12:22

TheCatterall · 19/12/2024 12:20

Can’t you just keep him under the stairs until after Christmas and bring him back out then and dust him off?

Brilliant idea, going to give this serious thought 🤣.

OP posts:
OvaHere · 19/12/2024 12:22

I don't think there's much you can do. Don't go all out being extra to make up for him though. Just let your wider family see he is being a dick and maybe one of them will have a word. You can't stop him being this way but he shouldn't be given an 'out' of any consequences arising.

Codlingmoths · 19/12/2024 12:23

I’d suggest to him that Christmas Eve he fucks off to his parents and you can collect him on Boxing Day.

nonbinaryfinery · 19/12/2024 12:23

Christmas isn't for everyone, if he's like this every year then perhaps consider he's not into it and don't force him to participate.

Original poster
DBD1975 · 19/12/2024 12:24

Sunsetsandcocktails · 19/12/2024 12:21

Ick. He sounds more like your child than your partner.

If you’re happy with this, maybe think about if seeing your families is the right thing to do seeing as he clearly hates it so much. Could you see them separately by yourself if he doesn’t want to join in?

other than that I think I’d just ignore him on the day(s) and let him sulk and don’t let him take any credit for the stuff you have done. Just enjoy your day and act like he’s not there would be my advice!

They are coming to us, thinking maybe I could stick him in the garage for a couple of days, he would be well happy with that!!

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 19/12/2024 12:24

I'd tell him this is the last time you're buying presents for his family etc as a starter. You're enabling him. I'd be tempted to say you too, but then you probably won't get anything.

BellissimoGecko · 19/12/2024 12:25

What's he like the rest of the year? What doesn't he like about Christmas?

HangingOver · 19/12/2024 12:25

So far I have done everything for Christmas including buying my own presents for DP to give me

Yikes.

purplecorkheart · 19/12/2024 12:25

Do you have to host everyone on Christmas and Boxing day? Maybe next year you could have Christmas just your own family and then visit your extended family and in laws during the holidays.

CharlotteLightandDark · 19/12/2024 12:26

‘So far I have done everything for Christmas including buying my own presents for DP to give me and buying all the presents for in-laws and I will also be wrapping them.’

What would happen if you didn’t buy and wrap his relatives presents? you really don’t have to do this. Let him do it, or not who cares

PickledElectricity · 19/12/2024 12:26

Is he incapable of being polite to everyone, or just your family?

God what a turn off. I just feel like adults shouldn't need to be told to have basic manners.

Do you spend any time at home for Christmas or are you carting around here there and everywhere? Is he perhaps "acting out" because he wants to stay at home? 🤔

BellissimoGecko · 19/12/2024 12:26

You said he doesn't like the 'upset' in his routine. Is he neurodivergent? Is he ok with other upsets to his routine, or is it just Xmas?

Flossyflop · 19/12/2024 12:27

Honestly I would just be yourself and don’t do anything to compensate for his shortcomings.

Dont apologise for him, don’t be over enthusiastic for him. Don’t buy gifts for yourself from HIM or the in-laws unless it makes you happy.

Original poster
DBD1975 · 19/12/2024 12:27

nonbinaryfinery · 19/12/2024 12:23

Christmas isn't for everyone, if he's like this every year then perhaps consider he's not into it and don't force him to participate.

Unfortunately not in a position to do so, only has elderly DF in sheltered accommodation so not an option!

OP posts:
dreamer24 · 19/12/2024 12:28

GinForBreakfast · 19/12/2024 12:20

I'd stop with the martyring wifework tbh but it's your decision...

This! How utterly depressing. The day I have to buy my own Christmas presents for DH to wrap them is the day I fucking realise I'm better off alone. How miserable.

ginasevern · 19/12/2024 12:28

It's a man thing. The one and only task my late DH had at Christmas was to get the trimmings out of the very spidery garden shed. Jesus Christ, you would think he'd been asked to dig a mile long trench. He huffed, puffed and the air turned blue. One year he slipped on a bit of mud on the garden path and said he'd done his knee in so Christmas might as well be cancelled. He hadn't done his knee in, it was just intimidation. It was disgraceful and pathetic.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 19/12/2024 12:30

What sort of tips and advice are you looking for, when you’ve said you aren’t willing to consider splitting up with a man who clearly has very little regard for you.

cocobeaner · 19/12/2024 12:30

He sounds dreadful. Why on earth are you buying present for him to give to you? That's absolutely mad! By all means buy yourself some new things but don't let him take the credit for that.

I don't like Christmas, at all. But I do the stuff with a smile on my face because I know that other people love it and sometimes when you're an adult you need to put other people first. That's what your husband should be doing but it sounds like he hasn't matured much beyond age 12.

I'd stop doing anything that for him or his side of the family. In fact I'd stop doing anything that you don't actively want to do. My DH is a lovely husband but I don't buy for his family - that's his job. If he doesn't do it then that's his fault and I'm not taking responsibility, I've got enough to do.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 19/12/2024 12:32

I don't see why you allow this every year. Stop doing things. Make him have to do it and if it doesn't get done it doesn't happen

Buying and wrapping own presents ffs.

What the fuck is the point? It's for show

People ask what he got you?

You : This year? Absolutely nothing because he doesn't give a shit.

Stop parenting him, he's your partner not your child

twohotwaterbottles · 19/12/2024 12:32

Can't bear individuals like this. It's appalling and selfish behaviour. Weaponised incompetence seriously gives me the ick

dreamer24 · 19/12/2024 12:33

It's a man thing.

I can assure you, it's not. My DH has bought and decorated our tree, bought half of the presents for our shared DC, wrapped ALL of the presents (except his own obviously) because I'm unwell with flu, and he will also take charge of the Christmas food shop this weekend, and he will cook a family Christmas meal on Boxing Day because we will go out to eat on Christmas Day. He'd cook on Christmas Day too if he could, but I wanted to try eating out instead for a change. He fully embraces the spirit of Christmas and is actually more excited sometimes than the kids!

So no, not all men are miserable fuckers at Christmas, thankfully!

Sarahconnor1 · 19/12/2024 12:34

buying all the presents for in-laws and I will also be wrapping them

Why are you doing all this for him?

The only solution is stop being a martyr or suck it up because at the moment you're enabling his behaviour