The annual Christmas ritual of reading DP the riot act

[DBD1975]

Looking for any tips or advice following on from the why do men steal all of the joy out of everything.

My family Christmas day, in-laws Boxing day. Just about to have the annual talk about don't make Christmas day weird or awkward by having to prompt you to be a courteous host, don't roll your eyes every time I ask you to help with something. Be sociable, join in and make an effort.

So far I have done everything for Christmas including buying my own presents for DP to give me and buying all the presents for in-laws and I will also be wrapping them.

DP has done s** all other than moan, sulk and act like a petulant teenager.

I will end up having to have the extra energy on both days to make up for my DP being so lack lustre/bar humbug.

It is more the upset in his routine which he finds hard to cope with, not to mention the chaos which comes with Christmas.

Any tips or advice gratefully received. Please note I have no intention of splitting up with him for those who will go nuclear over the situation.

He’s a twat but you are enabling him. Stop buying presents for him.

I tried this once but by the time I remembered to get DH out after Christmas he’d become a wizard, done wizard A-levels, been on some quests and stuff. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Spiteful and shaming approach. Not a way I’d treat someone I loved no matter how irritated I was.

I once helped my ex get gifts for his large family. He left it until Christmas Eve as it would be "magical" apparently. It was not. I was in tears from the stress and I never did it again. So he did it (or not I can't remember). I just did my family and friends.

But he was a trooper with the tree, buying the food and the cooking.

My DF loved Christmas. He bought presents, shopped, cooked, put up decorations and made a fuss of everyone. It was joyful. The only year I spent Christmas with just my DM was so horrible. The miserable bitch didn't even sit at the table.

So not all men are like yours OP.

Good grief, don't pander to him, he sounds miserable.

My DH comes from a traditional, ie, patriarchal, family where the women did all the work, and still do in some cases. I made it very clear to them all when we got married that DH was in charge of cards and presents for his family and I was in no way taking over that role. There was a bit of muttering but I ignored it.

Depending on DHs level of organisation, they got presents some years but not others. Not my problem at all. I would never have dreamt of asking him to sort my family's presents out.

Yes, a quiet spot under the stairs or in the shed sounds ideal OP.

How do people end up with these dickhead? I would tell him in no uncertain terms shape up or ship out even if you don’t mean it doesn’t do any harm to think he could lose you at any moment if he doesn’t behave himself.

Don’t do this. It’s very passive aggressive. Criticising him to his family just makes you look like a shitty human being, no matter how deserved it is.

Do you need to do as much socially as you are insisting he do? Yes, he needs to be polite and yes, he needs to contribute to the workload, but not everyone enjoys a big chaotic Christmas.

He's an arsehole but you're complicit, having let this behaviour slide for your whole marriage. Not sure what you want people to suggest.

It's not "nuclear" to suggest that your life would be better off without babying your husband. How on earth do you even fancy him?

Send him to bed early and ground him from his devices for a week, as you would with any other naughty child.

And being useless and antisocial isn’t a man thing, it’s a dickhead thing. More women still need to raise their standards.

Do you feign surprise when you open your own presents? 😀

So far I have done everything for Christmas including buying my own presents for DP to give me and buying all the presents for in-laws and I will also be wrapping them.
DP has done s all other than moan, sulk and act like a petulant teenager.

Of course he's done nothing. Why would he when you do everything?

If you are just going to put up with it every year like you have done so far, then you just have to suck it up. Nothing is going to change if you just carry on doing it all.

I certainly wouldn't be buying his side's presents
Not that my DH would expect me to

This is pathetic. Why are you still with him?

There's absolutely no need for you to martyr yourself and run around doing stuff for your bloke.
The only reason to have a boyfriend is for your life to be massively enhanced by him, he should bring you peace and fun. Otherwise what on earth are you doing?

He sounds like a shit and it sounds like you’ve put up with it for a long time. Not sure what advice you’re actually looking for here

Send him this.

neurodivergent or weaponised incompetence?
Hand the baton over to him for next year and I foresee that he will leave present buying and wrapping far too late, get in a stress and tantrum but hopefully he’d be capable of acknowledging all the work you put in. And don’t help him!
Can he manage with anything else around the home?

If you lay down and act like a doormat, people will walk over you

Just stop. Stop doing everything. If it doesn't get done, and he shows off about it, just shrug your shoulders and say it's just too much for one person to manage. Do NOT ask for help, as that suggests that it is all your job, and you are incapable of completing all your tasks.

It's not your job to mask his antisocial behaviour - so don't. Let him show others what he is like. If he doesn't like his routine changed, then in future, maybe suggest he books into a nice hotel on his own for the Christmas period, so he can suit himself as to what he does, and leaves everyone else to have a nice time.

I am not sure what the point of this post is. Are we supposed to find it funny? Are you looking for sympathy? Do you want our permission to bin him off?

Take responsibility for your own decisions.

Hate when that happens...

this
really, what do you want people to say?
either put up with being treated like shit on someone's shoe - no in fact actively support it, if you're buying presents for him and his family, or don't.

Why are you doing this?

Just stop. Nobody doesn’t you don’t “do Xmas”. We haven’t for 20+ years.